Post # 1
In order that no one feels a particular target, I decided to post this separately.
There are frequent posts about the reactions of mothers- they are not involved enough, they are involved too much, they have differing opinions, they are not supportive of our opinions. Sometimes I just want to say “Grow up! Get over it!”. Our mothers are not perfect. They are not fairy tale moms. Neither will we be.
To have that expectation when it comes to our weddings, when we know they are not like that on a day to day basis, is completely unrealistic.
Part of the process of growing up and maturing is to learn not to let others remarks and opinions undermine our self-esteem. Perhaps mom is feeling a bit left out, or a bit guilty because she isn’t fulfilling her own dream of the mother of the bride. Perhaps she never had the wedding or marriage she hoped for herself. Perhaps she has a little maturing left to do, herself.
We are who we are. Our families are who they are. Deal with it. Don’t let your happiness be undermined by petty things and words.
Post # 3
I agree but extend this beyond mothers. I just heard friends in general who are brides venting about how their (fill in the blank) didn’t do something properly for the wedding therefore doesn’t care about them. I say how they are with doing the assigned tasks does not determine how much they love you.
Post # 4
I think most of the times a lot of the bees here just find that this is a safe place where they can vent. I think we all let these things get to us as brides and this site is a place where you can vent a bit about it without looking like a fool or letting others in “real life” know how you feel. So I don’t think that a lot of people really are as “emotional” as they come off here, its just a “safe space”.
Post # 5
I think most of the times a lot of the bees here just find that this is a safe place where they can vent.
Totally agree with this !
Post # 6
@tranquility: I agree!
Most bees can’t vent to their SOs or their friends about these people (particularly mothers) b/c they don’t want to paint them in a bad light either. My mom for instance was awful during the planning process. She wasn’t always like that, and sometimes you just need a place to let that out or to get advice on how to handle it. It’s easy to say get over it, but unless you’ve been in the situation, it’s hard to just get over what someone thinks or doesn’t think about one of the most important events in your life.
Post # 7
It’s going to hurt sometimes when people close to us behave in particular ways, even when we’re aware that our reactions are a bit irrational, or perhaps not entirely fair.
My mother is a very anxious person. I know this. I’ve dealt with it, etc. Intellectually I understand why she responds to things with fear and that it has nothing to do with me, personally. But that doesn’t mean it didn’t work my last nerve when she asked me over and over again how an idea could possibly be executed, or wondered aloud if anyone would even come to the wedding. It was helpful to have the hive to which to turn when I thought I was going to scream.
Post # 8
I think it’s okay to be occasionally annoyed. It’s hard to tell just from a posting if the issue is the bride’s expectations or the mother’s behavior. I’m sure usually it’s a little of both but mostly just communication issues.
The one thing I do want to say which I saw on a recent posting but I’ve seen a lot is there seems to be a LOT of moms who insist on making negative body-related comments to their daughters. I find this very destructive and seriously unacceptable behavior. I know it’s usually just a little offhand comment, but for some reason mother’s trying to make their daughters feel bad about their bodies makes me so, so sad.
Post # 9
I agree, but my mother became a whole other kind of crazy around my wedding. I don’t expect her to be perfect, but since she doesn’t rampage in normal life, I certainly didn’t expect that about my wedding. Sometimes the difference is great, and the vents are justified. I don’t think it’s your job to judge the posters unless you know the whole story.
Post # 10
@tranquility: I agree! Sometimes brides come on here to vent to people who may understand because we are all in the same position.
I also feel that weddings came bring some family issues to light, which may cause people to be more emotional.
Post # 11
@tranquility: Totally Agree! I come here to commiserate with other brides and brides-in-waiting! This is my safe space and I don’t think anyone should feel like they shouldn’t post something for fear of others’ reactions! This is a supportive, loving, caring and fun place to bee!!
Post # 11
I agree with @tranquility, without knowing the whole situation it really isn’t fair to judge. A lot of us use WB as a place to vent.
Post # 12
@julies1949:i agree with your sentiments, but your post title seems pretty passive-agressive and unnecessary.
Post # 13
I totally agree that ths is used as a safe place to vent. Most people wouldn’t think about doing an emotional dump in real life that they can do on here. Its also a little re-assuring when you see that you’re not the only person having an emotion dump day. There are times when I come on WB and may not agree with something someone is venting about but instead of jumping on them or being nasty and rude I just move to the next topic. I hope that this site doesn’t become like some other sites where tactfullness goes out the window. Just kind of remember not everyone thinks the same or reacts the same way you do, and it’s a littl unfair to beat them up about something that has taken them out of their NORM. I’m sure not all of you agree but then again, that’s the whole idea of being an individual.
Post # 14
I completely agree with you. The one thing I want to scream is “have you talked to (insert person) about how you feel???” Fact of the matter is that a lot of people aren’t mind readers and may not know what you expect of them. I think it’s important to tell people what you’re expecting of them. Otherwise, you’re setting them up to fail.
Post # 15
I agree as well that this is considered a safe place to chat and talk freely. I for one have posted tons of things about my MIL and with just reason and I can also say before I joined and posted, I honestly didn’t realize how many other people go through what I did if not more, so it has been great to get advice, and just plain out get it off my chest at times. This entire site is here for that.