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I was having a discussion with my SO, who vehemently disagrees with the women paying at all for the e-ring. I'm saying I think it's ok, because for me, an e-ring is a symbol of both of the people's commitment to each other, not only one person.
Did you help out with your e-ring? What are your thoughts on it? Discuss in the comments, I'm really curious...
Well, I think it depends. We had already combined finances and were living together and sharing everything like we were married, so for us it didn't matter one way or the other. If it meant having the ring I wanted, I wouldn't mind- I am the one who is going to wear it afterall.
@NehaPrasad92: I didn't help out, but I think in instances where the ring is financed, or if the couple has already tied her finances to his, then she is paying for it anyways. If you get married and he has that payment then your combined money is paying for it. In my instance, DH and I already had tied our finances together. He lied to me about his tax return and told me it was a couple hundred instead of a few thousand.
It was HIS money, but at that point all of our money was combined.
I'm trying to convince my BF that he should let me contribute, but he cringes whenever I bring it up so I'm leaving it for the time being... I absolutely think that both parties should contribute to the ring, especially if it means getting something both parties are proud of.
@lamourbleu: Exactly, mine became VERY defensive and did not like the idea ONE bit. I understand it's a question of honour, but times are seriously changing, and I think it's ok for us to help our guys out with this type of thing... Especially if it means me getting what I want.
My fiance and I split the payments for my rings 50/50, and when we got his ring we did the same. I think it's cool and smart to do it that way.
I see absolutely nothing wrong with it at all. Most couples who are getting engaged are already somewhat combining finances for future goals anyway. If combining money means getting a forever this is it, no upgrades, perfect dream ring why not? Everyone wins.
I guess it doesn't matter if your finances are already combined, but I don't like the idea otherwise. I don't have a problem with both people contributing to the wedding bands though, but I think the e-ring is the man's responsibility... call me old fashioned!
I've already planned on buying my SO a nice watch (Something that's 100% Swiss) when he buys me a ring, but I'd like for each price to be equivalent which may mean that he'll be receiving a watch and something else. Or I'll just get him a watch and factor in his wedding band because I will be a one ring girl.
You could help out in another way....you could buy the wedding rings if he's not going to let you put $$$ Towards the engagement ring...
Yea, he just went absolutely apeshit and mega defensive and blocked me on MSN when I suggested it lol. I don't understand why some men get so defensive about it, I think it's very modern and forward-thinking for both members of a couple to help out...
@NehaPrasad92: Agree, I think I'll be heartbroken (well not really, I still get him, that's the important part) if I have to give up on the idea of the perfect ring knowing that if he just let me contribute, I could easily pay for it!
And he just went ape and had a huge hissy fit before blocking me on Facebook too. Good grief.
@lamourbleu: Exactly! Although he didn't like me picking out my ring either, which offended me to be honest.
Men are bloody morons at times, seriously.
I don't think mine would react as strongly as yours, but he definitely sees it as his duty to buy the ring (I reminded him I buy his :) ) but I think if i wanted a ring that was much more expensive (AND expected him to propose in the next year) I would make a suggestion about contributing. He probably wouldn't like it, but I think he'd realize I couldn't have my cake and eat it too.
Maybe he's not ready to get engaged and this is his way of expressing it? If he's using saving money as an excuse to put off getting engaged, your offering to pay for it could be seen as pressuring him before he's ready.
@KatyElle: I really don't understand, it surprised me when he got THAT angry that he blocked me on everything (I can't contact him at all now). I think it's a question of honour and 'manhood', and I know when he showed the e-ring he got for me (CZ and silver) and showed it to his family, his mother said it wasn't good enough for me.
@redheadem: Oh no, he's bought an e-ring already and has plans. I was talking about the 'forever' ring, which he wants to get me at some point. At which point I then brought up contributing towards paying for it.
Oh ok, that explains a lot. Mom was probably guilt tripping him about not spending enough. But still, honestly? I wanted a really tricky to find, expensive sapphire and I chipped in to buy it. Granted my husband paid for most of it, but I definitely contributed. It's not a pride thing, it just doesn't make sense to go into debt for a luxury purchase, so why not both just pay for it! I'd say that's a pretty smart move since you'll be combining finances the rest of your married life anyway.
If he already bought the ring, why are you offering to contribute to it? I guess I don't understand what you're offering to pay for. If you aren't engaged yet, you don't have to worry about getting a nicer ring yet. He was probably offended that you don't think the ring he already got you was nice enough.
I wouldn't have minded helping to pay for the ring, but my FH did it on his own and suprised me with it. I did ask that he not finance it. If he couldn't pay for it in cash, than he either wait or get something he could afford. He did pay cash and I got the ring I wanted. But I did pick out a ring I felt was affordable. Although we are returning the ring because apparently I'm hard on my jewelery. So in order to get what I want, I don't mind adding a few more dollars to the pot.
On another hand, I put a few thousand from my work bonus towards our wedding account. So to me, it all evens out.
@KatyElle: Exactly. I have a feeling he's a bit pissed off that I'm buying the plane tickets to go over this summer as well (last time he paid for about 75%of the tickets). I told him I'll get the tickets and he can focus on school and food and fuel and stuff for when I'm actually THERE. So I think this has played some part in it...
@redheadem: It's not that, it's for the future 'forever' ring - he wanted to get me something 'nicer' (the one I chose is silver and CZ, and I love it but he's very iffy and meh about it). Which will not last as a forever ring. We were looking at designs for potential 'forever' rings, which is when I brought up the topic of helping to finance it.
I don't think there is a thing wrong with it. I also was trying to explain this in an earlier post; if you are in the waiting phase and throwing ultimatimums or timelines and your SO is financially struggling and trying to fix it; and thats the only reason your not engaged, why not help?
@MissGreen: Exactly. I haven't set a timeline (though I said in the next 2-3 years would be nice). And I know he works hard, he works in construction as well as goes to college, and I wanted to ease things up for him by helping him out.
I didn't have an issue with the ring he has with him now because it was under $100 (for a wedding set). But the forever ring is going to be more expensive (the one I want will be about $1000), and I just thought it's a lot of money for one person.
I guess I'll leave the topic for another day with him, if this is the reaction it gets out of him.
we already live together, so technically we have shared finances, so we did both pay for it, so i voted, I dont mind.
My SO would never allow me to chip in for my dream ring. He will be asking for my hand in marriage so that financial responsibility is his. We will both purchase each others' wedding bands. If he wasn't able to afford it at the time, I would be willing to wait (a reasonable amount of time) for the engagement. Also, we aren't combining finances until marriage...both come from traditional Christian families.
We combined finances long before getting engaged. When we decided to get married, we shopped for, selected and purchased my ring together. It really didn't matter where the money came from since it was all "ours".
I don't see anything wrong with it. It's going to be your money soon anyway (provided you plan on combining finances).
@NehaPrasad92: I knew FH was saving for my ring and I offered to help out, he wouldn't have it. He wanted to pay for as much of my ring in cash as he could, and he wanted to save for it himself, so he did!
We are both paying for our wedding bands though!
@NehaPrasad92: Yeah. It sounds like he is feeling bad about this, so I would just not talk to him about it right now.
I think that if it takes two people to buy one ring, you can't afford it!
I wouldnt have minded helping to pay, but My FI wanted to buy it himself! I dont see anything wrong with it
I'm not sure why no oneaid addressing the factthat his reaction was to block all communication with you. This does not sound like a mature man ready to be engaged or married. He has a hissy fit and blocks all forms of communication when you say something that offends? I think communication is a bigger issue than a ring right now
Well I bought mine and told him (did not ask) that we were getting married and needed to start planning a wedding. He had every intention of marrying me but could not organize himself enough to save up anything for an engagement ring. Also we are high school sweethearts and have been dating for nearly 10 years we are only 24/25 years old. We live together and I for the most part am in control of the money.He has had trouble with finances over the past few years. Really young guys these days are such a pain the ass. Someone needs to give them a good quick swift to get them motivated. I have no problem with the woman stating her intention. Who needs to wait for a man to decide. Ha he probably would have let me wait forever.
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