Post # 1
My future mother-in-law’s close friends apparently have a tradition of throwing a bridal shower for each other’s daughters and they have very generously offered to throw me one. However, there are a few complications and I wanted to get reader’s thoughts on whether or not I should attend.
- The shower would be in Virginia and I live in California so I would need to fly there for the shower and of course that costs $$$.
- The majority of the people who would be there would be my future mother-in-law’s friends as I do not have a lot of friends local in that area.
- I really wanted it to be a co-ed shower as I’m not into just a female only shower (I don’t want to play games) but because they’re throwing it, it’s not an option because they are paying for it and want it to be female only.
There are obviously benefits to going such as getting to know people who might be coming to the wedding better, spending time with my future in laws, and additional gifts are always nice. And I could probably squeeze out the money to go but I guess I’m just not sure I want to fly out there for a weekend two months before the wedding.
Post # 3
That’s tough…is there any polite way to see if it can be moved closer to the wedding date? Or is your wedding also in CA (not VA). If the latter, I would suggest going through with it b/c this might be a good way to show your FMIL that you are interested in being part of her family. Think how nice it is that the friends who throw showers for each other’s *daughters* are treating you the same way.
RE: the co-ed thing, is it possible someone else can throw you a co-ed shower locally? It doesn’t sound like this will be about your friends, and possibly your BM’s are all in CA and it would be hard for them too? I don’t think it’ll come off as excessive if someone hosts a local shower for you that mostly includes freinds (esp. if there’s no double inviting).
Post # 4
I agree with, fizicsgirl. Even though it might be a little harder on you, I would accept the bridal shower so you don’t cause hurt feelings on your future in-laws’ side. Are any of these ladies being invited to the wedding? If so, it might cause some unecessary drama to decline being thrown a shower. Even if they’re not coming to the wedding, it might really embarrass your FMIL if everyone else’s daughters/daughters-in-law get a bridal shower except hers.
I totally understand that you might be uncomfortable with this (aside from the money issue), and all I can offer is support. My mom is throwing me ahometown shower next weekend with all these people I haven’t seen in years or don’t even know. But it would really hurt her feelings if I declined or didn’t seem excited about it, so I’m putting on a brave face.
Post # 5
I would accept this sweet offer, since it’s really not worth upsetting your future ILs. It might be a pain, but in the end I bet you’ll have fun and it will be totally worth it. If not, you’ll get extra presents and funny stories to tell your friends back home. Plus Southern wedding showers are totally worth going to, if just for the spectacle. We do things up right! 🙂
Just ask me about when my MIL called me fat at my baby shower! 🙂
Post # 6
I’m in a similar situation with my FMIL’s. They’re throwing me a shower – which is really sweet and I’m definitely going. What I’m wondering is: are you providing them a guest list? What if they invite people not invited to the wedding? Those are my two main concerns and I’ve got no answers for them yet.
Post # 7
Since you live so far away………… We too lived a great distance from where we were rto be married…………….. My mother in law had a shower for me inviting all the family and friends in the area….But instead of guests bringing the gifts wrapped the gifts at the shower so everyone could see them before they were shipped to us.. They took pictures and everything It was so fun to unwrap them myself….. my friends taking pictures and sending back to the in laws, family and their friends.