Post # 1
I’m several months out of a breakup and toying with the idea of dating my best guy friend; let’s call him S. S and I have been good friends for over 5 years (ages 27 and 28) and share a ton of the same friends, hobbies, likes/dislikes. He first expressed interest in dating me several years ago, but neither of us have ever been single at the same time, until now. S was there for me in the weeks following my breakup when I was a complete mess and really played a role in helping me to cheer up and get back on my feet. There is a mutual attraction there, and we’ve discussed how we are both looking for the same things in the next few years: to find the one, get married, have families, etc. But, I’m also really hesitant because we both know eachother so well. I know all of the in’s and out’s of his last relationship, and I was the person he vented to about his ex when he was frustrated with her and the person he confided in when he was planning to move out of the apartment they shared together. This scares me, as I don’t want to put myself in the position to get hurt the way he hurt her, since I witnessed that firsthand. And he can say the same things about me, as I did some not so nice things to an ex a few years ago, and S knows all about it.
At this point, we are spending a pretty significant amount of time together, but we are keeping it very casual because I want to be sure of my feelings before jumping into anything.
Anyone have any experience with this? Please share your stories!
Post # 3
I think it could work out wonderfully! You’re both a bit older and wiser than I was when I tried this out. Mine went down in flames, but it would have regardless b/c of where we were at in our lives. Seems like you’ve got both eyes open! I’d go for it!
Post # 4
It’s possible. It may, ultimately, ruin your friendship, but you have a much better chance of having things work out.
Post # 5
Don’t see why not! Give it a try!
Post # 6
Edit: Sorry, clearly my phone and the bee do not get along! I meant to say– did it, and now we’re married! Best decision I’ve ever made. 🙂 I say go for it. I would be concerned about ruining the friendship on one hand, BUT on the other hand you never know what is possible until you put yourself out there. So, yes.. I say go for it. Good luck!
Post # 7
I would think VERY hard about whether he is actually what you want (and vice versa) over all, or whether he is just a really good friend that you are also attracted to.
I have a best male friend that I’ve had for over 10 years. After my last really terrible breakup, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about it. We obviously got along well, he was my best friend after all. But when I REALLY thought about it, he makes a perfect friend for me, but not what I wanted in a future husband. Because they are not necessarily the same thing. And now I’m married, and he is engaged, and we are all still friends and it is awesome.
That’s not to say it can’t work out, if he is really what you want. But I think it is just too easy to fall into it because there is emotional intimacy with friends, and if there is attraction on top of it—- too easy to not think it through and ruin the friendship.
Post # 8
I personally wouldn’t. The idea of possibly changing my relationship with the men that I call my family isn’t worth it to me.
One of my closest male friends is someone that everybody always thought was perfect for me, and I for him. The thing is, were perfect as friends. I have never had the desire to change that and risk something so important to me.
Post # 9
@FearLess: It was a disaster for me (very difficult to break up because of our previous freiendship) but that is not to say that it won’t work for you. Every relationship is different.
Post # 10
I was hesitant to date my best guy friend at first. That was 13 years ago. We just celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary (my wedding date is wrong). I say go for it. It felt weird for a second but after that, I felt like I was home.
Post # 11
I did that and we are getting married now. Worked out great!
Post # 12
My situation is similar to yours. Fiance and I were roommates for a year and a half (as platonic friends years ago, we were both in other relationships at that point). After an ex and I broke up Fiance and I (he’d been single a good while) spent more time together just as friends. He expressed interest and I was totally against it at first for many reasons. We had serious, heart to heart talks about it. We were honest in that b/c we were such good friends we didn’t want to ruin anything, but we knew we would be a good match and wanted the same things long term, and were both attracted to each other. Eventually I gave in and it’s been the best decision I ever made. Our relationship hit the fast forward button since we already knew so much about each other and had lived together. We got engaged after 7 months, and booked our wedding venue today.
It doesn’t work for everyone, but for me, my best friend also became my lover, an even closer friend, and the love of my life. As hard of a decision as it was, I can’t imagine my life any different now. As PP have said, think long and hard about it, and be honest with each other about what you really want out of it. It could be a bad idea and ruin the friendhsip, or it could be the best thing you ever do. It’s all in the way you guys approach and handle it. Good luck!!
Post # 13
My husband started out as my best guy friend!
Post # 14
I said Yes-and it didn’t work out. But we didn’t actually date, we just hooked up once or twice. I wasn’t interested in continuing a purely physical relationship and he wasn’t interested in dating. We are still friends though, and now I have Mr J, so it all worked out for the best :]
As long as you’re both on the same page, I don’t see a problem with it. And definitely voice your concerns to him, communication is key in EVERY relationship.
Post # 15
“didn’t work out” is a bad way of putting it. It worked out beautifully for a bit more than two years, and eventually ended in a very organic and chill way. We’re still friends.
Post # 16
i think it could either be the best thing or the worst. I’ll just tell you what happened to me.
I had a best guy friend, D. He was one of the closest, most genuine friends I ever had. I knew all about every girl he’d ever been in love with and he was close friends with one of my exes. From the moment we met, there was something there. For a few years, nothing happened because it was never the right time. Finally, after getting out of a bad relationship, I went for it. For the first few months, it was the most amazing relationship. We loved each other already and I knew for a fact he was a great guy. He treated me like gold.
But despite all that, I realized pretty quickly that my love for him really did end at friendship. We just weren’t romantically compatible – he didn’t challenge me. He, on the other hand, was head over heels in love. I ended up relationship (on Halloween of 2008, so the timing of this post is kind of funny!). I broke his heart. He was a mess. And it ruined our friendship beyond all repair. We are civil, but we have no friendship to speak of. I miss him every day and I regret more than anything that I didn’t properly think our relationship through before dating him.
HOWEVER – I want to add that before we broke up, we’d talked about moving in together. I’d already moved into the 2-bedroom place and then we broke up. I had to find a female roommate to offset the costs. We ended up throwing a housewarming party and she invited a coworker. That coworker brought a friend ….. and that friend is my now SO of 4 years 🙂 So, if I’d never broken my best friend’s heart, I would never have met my SO, who I know is the man of my life.
Moral of my story – follow your heart. It might ruin your friendship or it might turn into something amazing. And even if it ends badly? I don’t think you can go wrong by following your heart and going for what you love. Even though it didn’t work out for me and I regret breaking his heart, I am glad I explored the possibility and it led me to my now relationship.