thoughts on elopement?

posted 2 years ago in Elopement
Post # 2
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

sweetdarling:  I’m not normally in favor of “secret” marriages, but your Mom sounds awful  Is there anyway to make it work financially without them? I don’t think you should hide a marriage because they are supporting you. As awful as your Mom sounds, I think that is just wrong.

I’d find a way to cut yourself off financially, then go ahead and elope. You can tell people when you are ready, and then have your vow renewal 

Post # 4
Member
6030 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I just can’t get behind someone hiding their marriage from their parents because they want to keep getting parental financial support. Marriage = adulthood. Big time. Either summon up the courage to tell your parents and try to hope they’ll continue investing in you, or suck it up and find a way to support yourself.  

“I strongly would like to tell my parents on January 1 that we eloped, just so it is said/done, and they can’t really have a say in it. He won’t be able to support me financially while I’m in a different state (some money here and there, but not enough for my rent), but he will be able to provide me with my health insurance.. which will save my parents money. Reading that, it sounds so shallow to me because a LOT of it comes down to finances — I’m afraid to tell my parents because of finances, he will help me with “benefits”, we can’t afford a “real” wedding because of finances…”

I hate to break this to you, but your marital status may actually have an impact on your parents’ taxes. It depends on a bunch of different circumstances, but if you spring this news on them on January 1 and you married on December 31, they won’t be able to plan or protect against any tax impact, because the IRS and most states count you as married for the whole year if you’re married on Dec 31.

Post # 5
Member
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

sweetdarling:  So you are in a long distance relationship, of 10 months and you want to elope in 2 months?  Is there a reason you are in such a rush to get married?  If you are afraid, why not wait and see how your relationship develops further? If you are completing your Master’s degree in May, why not wait until at least after graduation to get married?  It doesn’t sound like you are completely sure about getting married at this point.  Also, weddings don’t have to cost a lot of money, you could choose to have a simple church wedding and a punch and cake reception in a church hall if you wanted.      

Post # 7
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

sweetdarling:  Elopements are “real” weddings . I eloped, and I don’t regret in the least. The day was about us, and there was no drama at all. It was beautiful.

I found WB because I want to have a vow renewal now. I am actually starting to second guess that, just because of all the high drama and hurt feelings that come with even small weddings I have read about on here. I may just elope again and invite my Mom this time. She was the main reason I wanted to do it anyway.

Post # 9
Member
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

sweetdarling:  I wouldn’t get married soon so your parents can’t have a say in it.  Are you still eligible to be under your parents’ health insurance policy until graduation?  I understand your wanting to have health insurance and have $ to pay rent.   Do you have an ongoing medical condition?  Are you applying for career positions with your Master’s degree now? I would think you would be able to apply for those jobs by December/January.  It seems like you should be able to get a lucative position within a few months.  If not, will your parents not help you with expenses after graduation-until you do get a position? 

Post # 11
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

sweetdarling:  I’m sorry your Mom is like that. I’m a Christian, and I would never treat my daughter that way. Where does she think people got married before they started building places to worship? Many early Christians had to “elope” because their faith was illegal!

Good luck with everything. What ever you do, I think you should be honest with your parents. At least they won’t be able to come back on you about it if you are.

Post # 13
Member
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

sweetdarling:  I’m sorry to hear about your health difficulties.  I hope that you feel secure in your relationship with your boyfriend before you get married and it’s just your mom’s doubts and not your own.  Yes, moms do come around.  We usually do want the best for our kids.  😉  If you don’t want a big wedding and you decide to have a Christmas/New Years’ courthouse wedding/elopement and then announce it to your parents and friends.  Each sets of parents might want to host a reception for you when you return to each of your home states.  That would be lovely, and less of an expense for them.  Best wishes for whatever the both of you choose and your future together. 

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors