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definitely a hot topic and one that is much discussed on the boards. it is up to you and your FI to decide what kind of event you'll have, but be prepared to receive flak either way.
if you go with the no babies rule, you should be consistent and make sure you're ok with some new parents deciding not to attend. babysitting services are not required, though some do provide a sitter, a baby/kids room or at least offer some local resources. perhaps you could find a recommended service in your area or some listings and offer them as resources to the new parent, politely explaining that you'd prefer no infants at the ceremony.
the key is to be clear and consistent and, if possible, offer alternatives to bringing the newbies to the ceremony.
I agree with miss m. This is your choice, and if you do decide no children you, your mother, or mother in law (which ever is appropiate) should call and speak with the couple explaining they are sorry, but children are not invited to the reception/wedding
Some people will take this hard, some won't. Make yourselves happy. That's all you can do. And no, I don't think it's your responsibility to provide a sitter either.
Good luck :)
I wouldn't see anything wrong with allowing them to bring the baby but expressing concern beforehand - "I'm so happy you'll be able to attend, but because of our videography, please be ready to take Junior to XXXX if he starts to whimper." Something like that...
I've already voiced my opinion on this on the other thread, but today I had someone RSVP with their baby and then ask if I could provide a babysitter (which I offered) because "I don't want my daughter to screw up your wedding!" They're from out of state and I am absolutely thrilled that they're coming, and I am more than happy to hook them up with a sitter.
I provided a babysitter for my out of town guest with a child and they spent the entire time upstairs with the baby because the baby screamed whenever mom left their site. Oh well. I tried. But the in town people needed to leave their kids at home. They complained and I smiled as they had a great time at my wedding without their kids.
We are having an adult only wedding. Let me tell you, we've gotten a lot of heat for the choice that we've made. But at the end of the day it's what I've always planned and I don't regret my decision at all. It actually sort of warned me for who would be an issue in months to come. Stick to your guns!
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Your guests should know that if their baby's name was not included explicitly on the invitation then he or she is not invited. Everyone knows this. You are totally not being a bridezilla if you kindly explain to them the situation and ask that they get a sitter. I'm having kids at my wedding, but I totally understand not wanting them there as well. Plus, it will give the mom and dad a chance for a nice evening out without baby. And who doesn't love that?
We decided not to have babies at our wedding as well. Not only is the venue not safe for kids (a pool and a cactus garden), we have tons of friends and family with little ones and don't want to pay for them all in catering costs, renting tables, etc. In addition, I really don't want any kids crying during the ceremony.
At first, I felt like I was being a bridezilla. Although, after talking with some of my friends that are Mom's, they actually agreed with me. Some of them were actually relieved to know that they have an excuse, have to get a babysitter, and can have an evening with their husband alone.
I included a little poem on the wedding website. It says:
To all our wonderful friends and family with babies at small children
The wedding is an evening affair
Please leave your children under someone else's care.
Thank you!
I am going to write something like this on a separate paper and include it in the envelope with the invitation as well (for the people that apply).
I hope all these tips help everyone!
I worded mine the same way and everyone wrote down their names (not their babies). Day of the wedding 7 random children showed up.
:( I think people just don't understand the 2 only thing does not include kids. I felt bad for my friends who had called to ask me.
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I REALLY wanted to go no children...then FSIL recently announced she is pregnant with her 1st child. Not sure how that is going to work out in light of the new (joyous) news. I may have to sacrifice what I want to maintain that relationship. That being said, I can definitely see where you are coming from and do not feel like you are being a bridezilla at all! I think consistency is the key.
I was married a few weeks ago and we had a small ceremony with our families and a few friends. And since I have a daughter, I didn't ask that anyone leave their children or babies at home. The ceremony was outside, in a smallish backyard. There were 7 children 4 and under. And honestly, I was so focused on the ceremony and vows that I was sharing with my new husband, that I didn't notice that my 1 1/2 year old nephew was freaking out and screaming the entire time. And I barely noticed that my 3 year old daughter migrated from standing next to my MOH to stand in between my husband and I (actually that was really cute and made for some VERY awesome photos). My advice is that it IS your day, but a baby (or toddler) crying won't ruin your day. Likely you will be so focused on the amazing act of love, that you won't even notice. Good luck. And if it is what you want, fight for it.
Erin - I was recently at a wedding where there was a newborn but no other children. I think if I recall correctly your wedding isn't for a few years, so the child may be a toddler by that point, but maybe your sister will be ready for a break!
And Rachiesmom, while I do agree with you that I will probably be focused on the ceremony, our church is very "live" sound-wise, with the sound of talking on the one side of the church readily audible on the other side (this is how they do their intentions, people speak them from all over the church). Now, with people in there I know it's going to absorb some of the sound and I'm well aware that there are going to be other sounds, but there is a huge different between your nephew freaking out in a backyard setting and your nephew freaking out in a small indoor church setting. But I'm glad that your daughter was a part of your big day - that must have been the icing on the cake for you!
My fiance and I will not be allowing any children under 10 at our wedding, except for the 2 flower girls, who will be 5 and 7 and are immediate family. He has no small kids in his immediate family. We both have friends with kids and they will be told, no babies.
I do not like children. He does not like children though he tolerates them a bit better than I do. I do not want screaming kids ruining our day.
When the time comes around for me I don't really want kids there unless they are related to me. This may well go out the window as I'm not even engaged yet.
I'm going to do everything I can to avoid having babies cry through the reception - but it's unavoidable for me. All the babies in our families are in our immediate families and their parents are participating in the wedding. We can't tell them not to bring the children and kind of (I said KIND of) don't want to.
I totally agree with not having screaming babies at weddings. I got married last weekend at a small wedding chapel - less than 50 guests - and my fiance's nephew screamed and cried and threw fits during our entire ceremony and I couldn't hear ANY of my ceremony, not even the vows! When I was saying MY vows, the screaming and crying interrupted me TWICE and I didn't even hear my fiance saying his vows to me. We had a special moment for about 30 seconds and then the screaming started and went on during the entire thing! I feel like I was cheated out of the one day that I was looking forward to for over a year and I honestly don't think I will ever get over it. I am STILL so furious! I honestly thought the parents had enough brains and enough manners to leave the baby with someone during the wedding because this kid screams and cries all day every day already and I knew exactly what would happen if they brought him - and SURPRISE - they brought him!
DO NOT ALLOW ANY BABIES AT YOUR WEDDING - YOU WILL REGRET IT. You can put on your invitations that no children under age of 5 are allowed at the ceremony. TRUST ME, TRUST ME, TRUST ME you will regret it if someone's brat ruins your ceremony.
i'm only allowing one child at my wedding because they're coming from italy. even adult kids have been shot off my guest list. i don't care. let people be mad at me, i've got a number of people i want to stick with and that will be it. if you're concerned then just say something to your family member.. doesn't have to be mean but let them know what's up! what's the worst that can happen?
It is your right to say no babies at your wedding but you don't get to be upset if people choose not to attend. I personally would never leave an infant to attend a wedding so if I were invited to a no baby wedding, I would decline. It is not your responsibility to provide a sitter.
@AngelaG:I can't believe that baby's parents didn't take him out of the chapel! how rude!
@KatyElle:I don't think she actually called a specific baby a brat, but I would certainly agree that if a kid screams throughout an entire wedidng ceremony, then yes, that kid is a brat.
@AngelaG: OMG, I would be livid!
We have made it perfectly clear that no children (babies included) are invited to our wedding unless they are part of our WP or OOT. Like the OP, I'm not willing to sacrifice our very expensive video or mood in general if a baby cries. Not worth it to me. Find a sitter or don't come. Simple as that.
I gotta ask: why bother reviving a 2 year old thread? There's so many other threads that would've done the trick, and they'd be slightly more relevant since times have changed and more people are not allowing kids now than they used to (I believe). Just curious.
I enjoy seeing the babies and little kids at weddings I've gone to in the past. It's so cute when they get on the dance floor! I invited the kids. I might have a quick talk with the ushers & GM and get the people with little ones seated at the end of an aisle and closer to the back if they aren't close family. I'm not a mom, but if I had kids I don't think I would be offended if someone had an adults only wedding. Some of the people aren't bringing their kids to my wedding because they do want adult night out.
@meli: hmmmm. I really think you are gonna lose this battle. I thought about that too, but I'm pregnant now so my own baby will be at my wedding. You may be faced with many people not coming....
@KristenGotMarried: When you google "babies at weddings", this thread is the only one that comes up, not the newer ones, and when I was up until 4am crying about my ruined wedding and how I feel cheated, I didn't feel like searching for a newer thread.
@AngelaG: No big, I was just wondering. I'm sorry to hear that you had such a bad experience at your wedding :( Try not to let it get you down though! You married your dreamboat, right? Any thoughts about doing a big blow out for your one year anniversary? Maybe a kind of do-over vow renewal?
@joy2011: Thank you for coming to my defense. Yes, I did call this child a brat because this child IS a brat. He cries and screams all day every day over every little thing, biting everyone and throwing things and hitting everyone...I guess it was just stupid of me to just ASSUME they had enough brains to not bring him since he is like this ALL THE TIME, but then his mom was also talking during most of the ceremony as well, in addition to holding her screaming child...they were sitting on the second row, right next to the grooms parents - and we paid extra for a bi-lingual ceremony so the groom's parents could understand the ceremony, which we spent more than a week writing ourselves IN TWO LANGUAGES, and NOT EVEN I could hear a single word of the ceremony. She did leave with the baby twice, for maybe a minute each time, but then brought him back in, kicking and screaming. If you have a child like this and you want to see the ceremony and NOT EVEN YOU can shut YOURSELF up during the ceremony, then the best you deserve is a COPY OF THE VIDEO of a wedding WITHOUT your child screaming thru it. That way, EVERYBODY can hear it. My family lives 2,100 miles away and my parents are sick (new pace-maker for my dad and congestive heart failure for my mom) so they could not attend - they were looking forward to the video, but now I can't even watch it myself because the center of attention is a screaming child, not the bride and groom and that screaming child is the only thing you can hear on the video.
This brings up an interesting point... if this much disruption is happening, would you ever (as the bride) see yourself asking for a moment during the ceremony, approaching the kid/parent and asking them to step outside? I'm not having kids at my wedding but I can TOTALLY picture myself doing this. Nothing rude, but just a kind request to step out so I can get married in peace. Its my freaking wedding, if no one else is going to help me, I'd help myself! Any thoughts?
Thank you, that is exactly how I feel. "I'm not willing to sacrifice our very expensive video or mood in general if a baby cries. Not worth it to me. Find a sitter or don't come. Simple as that."
A woman's wedding day is the ONE DAY that she is ENTITLED to be selfish. Who is gonna remember that day longer? The people who didn't come because they couldn't bring their babies? Or the bride who couldn't even hear her own wedding ceremony because of a child in the second row screaming during the entire ceremony?
@AngelaG: I don't blame you one bit for being livid. I'm angry just reading this. This was YOUR day that was ruined by a screaming baby and his rude mother. Your parents will never be able to experience your wedding and that's very unfortunate. If I were in your situation, I don't know if I'd ever be able to get over that.
Have you confronted the kids parents about this? If it were me, I wouldn't be able to keep that in. You can bet there would be words!
@KristenGotMarried: I'm not sure that I would say something but you can bet that whoever the offender was would be getting a very serious look from me.
I've been to a wedding before where someone brought a screaming baby. The MOTHER OF THE BRIDE had to take the baby out of the church because the kids parents (they were friends of the B&G) were so oblivious to the fact that their kid was distrupting the ceremony. The MOTHER OF THE BRIDE missed the end of her DAUGHTERS wedding ceremony because of the screaming baby and his/her disrespectful parents. No babies at my wedding. PERIOD.
I think I would have stopped he ceremony and Had the pastor ask them to leave. Better yet, have the ushers prepared to do so. I'm sorry your wedding was ruined.
@UpstateCait: Oh HELL no. My mom's not doing any kind of duty like that, how ridiculous!
Honestly the more I think about this the more comfortable I become with the idea of taking a moment from my own ceremony to kindly ask the child to be removed. Throwing ice dagger stares might not be effective and they're not the most flattering, you know? It might take balls but I'd try to handle it myself at that point.
@KristenGotMarried: Good point. I'm not sure how this would look in our pictures...
This is my second wedding, i am 51, and as such have friends of around the same age.......thus their kids are grown up. except for 2 couples that will be coming, one of them is my FIs best man and they have a 10 year old son....(they started late) and another friend who are quite young themselves and have just had a baby last month so she will be 16 months old when we get married. they will be bringing their children because we invited them.
we are having a small wedding of just 22 people, but i remember my first wedding......jeez! 120 guests, friends and family all had small kids and they were all running around and it seemed that the parents basically let them run riot......because they were enjoying the wedding and getting drunk! it was not great and i can understand people not wanting kids at their weddings, but if you are inviting family and friends and they have kids.......if you dont invite the kids then you may find that the friends wont come either. you are stuck between a rock and a hard place.
@UpstateCait: haha I freaking love it. And yeah... not the best look.
I have to add that I trust the people I invite would step outside with a screaming child. I'll will do the nice thing for them and make sure there are sitting where it is easy for them to do so if needed by where they are seated.
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I thought I was doing the smart thing by including the "blank # of seats have been saved in your honor" on my RSVPs but I've been getting RSVPs back where the guests have included husband + wife + baby and they've included notes like "junior doesn't need a seat so we're really still 2".
Although one of the main purposes was to keep my guest list count down, I also did not want to have children, especially babies at my wedding because as my friend, who is a new mom, pointed out, it is natural for babies to cry! I've hired a videographer to tape my outdoor ceremony and reception and fear that a baby will start wailing in the middle of our ceremony and interupt it (since the event is already outside, there is no where for the parents to take the baby any place if this happens).
Is there a kind way to deal with this issue? Or am I being a bridezilla? I've already tried to have my bridal party pass along the word but it's really starting to get out of control with guests adding their babies onto the RSVPs.
On a side note, my FI and I have already discussed this and we don't believe that it is our responsibility to provide babysitting at our event. We also provided a link on our website to babysitting services in the area....trying to provide subtle hints without actually being baby Nazis.
What are your thoughts? Thanks!