Thoughts on having kids when both parents work FT?

posted 3 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

Pretty sure most families have two full time working parents. Most kids turn out just fine. I know I did. I would LOVE to be a SAHM, and I’m sure most ppl would too, but sometimes it’s just not an option.

Post # 4
Member
1147 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Artificial-Sweetener:  My sister and her husband do this and the kiddo’s are just fine. They are both nurses so they don’t work the traditional 5 day work week but have been able to stagger their schedules so one of them is usually with the kiddo’s. I was a nanny for a few years and all of the babies I watched were well loved and cared for by their parents. My sister says working FT makes her a better mom because she really values the time she spends with her kids plus they are learning that mom and dad can leave the home but they always come back. 

Post # 5
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I work full time, my DD had to go to daycare. She started at 8 weeks. I never felt like “an evening and weekend parent”. Which, IMHO, is pretty offensive way to refer to those of us that work.

When DH and I have a baby, we are fortunate to have the option of my staying home but I won’t. I’ll stay home for the 4.5 months I’ll get paid for it, then I fully intend on going back. The baby will go to the same in-home daycare DD went to and I’m thrilled about it.

 

Post # 6
Member
10384 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

The vast, vast majority of parents both work FT.

I don’t know anyone who can afford to stay home with their kids!

Their kids are well adjusted and awesome….it’s not a big deal. Daycare, IMO, is actually a wonderful thing for kids if you find a good place. It teaches them independence and socializes them way more than if they are just at home with their mom all day.

Post # 8
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Most families have two full working parents. I think it’s the best example for any child.

Post # 9
Member
6644 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

We have an almost 2 year old and we both work full time. I do not want to be a SAHM. I just couldn’t and can’t stomach the thought of that. Finacially we could have me be one but money would be tight.

I like working though somedays I wonder why I do what I do…

My parents both worked full time as my brother and I grew up.  My DH’s mom was a SAHM for part of his life then she went back to school and became a special ed teacher.  Both his parents were teachers at one time or the other.

 

Post # 10
Member
466 posts
Helper bee

I’m going to come at this from a child’s persepective.  My parents both worked full time.  In fact, they both worked more than full time.  I remember spending weekends with my mother at the lab, playing with dry ice, and zooming around in office chairs.  

I spent week night evenings with a baby sitter who had five kids and watched some of the neighborhood children.  I always had a hoard of kids to play with.  There were always games of   kickball going on or something similar.  I still look back on those memories fondly.  

I’m now a well adjusted adult, and I don’t think my childhood was any worse for having two parents who worked full time.  I still got to spend time with them, but I also got to play with kids.

I really think its a personal decision.  I never felt deprived because my parents worked full time.  In retrospect, I think it was a really good thing for me and my mother.  (She is really driven, and would have hated being a SAHM).

 If you want to stay home because you can afford it and its what you want to do, great.  However, don’t let anyone guilt you into thinking that you HAVE to stay at home.  At the end of the day, you are still raising your children whether you are a SAHM or not.    

Post # 11
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Artificial-Sweetener:  I grew up in a household that always had one of my parents home. I was lucky because there are 5 of us but my dad was able to support us. I would love to be able to do that for my kids, but it’s not realistic. I love my lifestyle and I’m not giving it up. Adding in a huge new expense is not the time to be decreasing my income.

As long as you are making significantly more than daycare costs (and in your case that might not even apply) then it is worth it to work. This is the situation for so many people and they turn out just fine. I’m sure I will switch back to consulting freelance so I can work from home but I still want to be working. It does suck that you have kids and someone else raises them but it’s a fact of life that households need the equivalent of two incomes (at least if you want anything nice, which I do). We will never be rich so off to work we go 😛 

Post # 12
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Artificial-Sweetener:  I hope you didn’t take my comment as snarky. I really was trying to make you feel better by letting you know that most people are in the same boat as you. I feel exactly like you do. I often feel sad about the thought of someone else raising my child but it makes me feel a little better to know that a lot of other people go through the same things.

Post # 13
Member
4601 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think most parents work FT these days. When I was younger, I felt like the odd one out because my mom didn’t work and my dad did.

Post # 14
Member
2576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Artificial-Sweetener:  I know that SAHMing is not an option for me. My FI from the get go knew that he needed a GF/FI/Wife who could pay her own way careerwise as his pay is not enough to support us both. Also, after spending so much (ahem – loaning so much) for my education, I cannot let it go to waste. However, what I am going to do is that the next job I take on, I will pay attention to their maternity benefits and take as much time as I can to recover and be available. However, unless FI’s parents move to be close to us (they’re older and want to leave their area), we’ll be relying on day care.

Just like there will be more and more same-sex couples having/adopting kids, there will be more and more both-parents-being-full-time worker families. It’s definitely the norm rather than the exception even though it may be difficult at times. The days of there only being one provider in the family are actually more the exception than the rule now.

Also, I hate the stigma associated with moms working outside the home (it’s usually moms that get targeted for this unfortunately even in 2013). I know plenty of people who effed up in life who had SAHMs, and I know plenty of successful people (usually women) who had full-time worker moms. It’s not so much being available to raise the kids as raising them well when you are available to raise them! Plus the ability to provide food, shelter, and entertainment helps as well.

Post # 15
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I had your same concerns. I felt like a horrible person when I knew that I would have to go back to work full time after my year of mat-leave. I felt like somone else would be raising my kid and that I was failing her in some way. I begged DH for us to find a way for me to stay home, but it wasn’t financially possible.

Honestly, it hasn’t been that bad. My daughter has benefitted greatly from going to daycare, interacting with other kids, and being away from me.

I will say though, that I would probably feel MUCH different if I hadn’t had the first year with her. I felt like that first year was very pivitol for both of us. I might not have had kids if I knew I had to go back to work after 12 weeks.

Post # 16
Member
6744 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

We both work full time and have 2 kids.  I can understand how a parent might feel bad about going back to work, especially when they are young.  But from the time they are 5 and older they are in school anyway.  My 10 year old doesn’t get off the bus until 4:30 and I am picking her up from aftercare by 5pm- so how much am I really missing? 

 

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