Post # 1
Another thread got me thinking about this. I have always wanted kids but I won’t be able to be a SAHM, I’ll have to work full time. I feel bad about not being able to be there for my future child all of the time. Someone else will have to take care of my bb during the day 🙁 Sure it will be family who will take on that task but I don’t feel right about not raising my own child full time.
Do any of you ladies live this life? How do you feel about being an evening and weekend parent?
Post # 3
Pretty sure most families have two full time working parents. Most kids turn out just fine. I know I did. I would LOVE to be a SAHM, and I’m sure most ppl would too, but sometimes it’s just not an option.
Post # 4
@Artificial-Sweetener: My sister and her husband do this and the kiddo’s are just fine. They are both nurses so they don’t work the traditional 5 day work week but have been able to stagger their schedules so one of them is usually with the kiddo’s. I was a nanny for a few years and all of the babies I watched were well loved and cared for by their parents. My sister says working FT makes her a better mom because she really values the time she spends with her kids plus they are learning that mom and dad can leave the home but they always come back.
Post # 5
I work full time, my DD had to go to daycare. She started at 8 weeks. I never felt like “an evening and weekend parent”. Which, IMHO, is pretty offensive way to refer to those of us that work.
When DH and I have a baby, we are fortunate to have the option of my staying home but I won’t. I’ll stay home for the 4.5 months I’ll get paid for it, then I fully intend on going back. The baby will go to the same in-home daycare DD went to and I’m thrilled about it.
Post # 6
The vast, vast majority of parents both work FT.
I don’t know anyone who can afford to stay home with their kids!
Their kids are well adjusted and awesome….it’s not a big deal. Daycare, IMO, is actually a wonderful thing for kids if you find a good place. It teaches them independence and socializes them way more than if they are just at home with their mom all day.
Post # 7
@ThePrincessBride10612: Sweet 🙂 Ok this does make me feel better. I don’t know why, but for some reason I am overwhelmed with guilt when I think of bringing a baby into the world that someone else will have to raise for the better part of the day.
@IzzyBear: I am aware that being a SAHM is not an option for many.
I’m sorry if you were offended by that term. Not my intent. I understand working moms are parents %100 of the time. It is true though that working parents do not see their children in the morning and afternoon. I’m not name calling.
I’ll probz be shutting this thread down. I truly just wanted some honest stories and advice. Some people can get sensitive here on WB :/
Post # 8
Most families have two full working parents. I think it’s the best example for any child.
Post # 9
We have an almost 2 year old and we both work full time. I do not want to be a SAHM. I just couldn’t and can’t stomach the thought of that. Finacially we could have me be one but money would be tight.
I like working though somedays I wonder why I do what I do…
My parents both worked full time as my brother and I grew up. My DH’s mom was a SAHM for part of his life then she went back to school and became a special ed teacher. Both his parents were teachers at one time or the other.
Post # 10
I’m going to come at this from a child’s persepective. My parents both worked full time. In fact, they both worked more than full time. I remember spending weekends with my mother at the lab, playing with dry ice, and zooming around in office chairs.
I spent week night evenings with a baby sitter who had five kids and watched some of the neighborhood children. I always had a hoard of kids to play with. There were always games of kickball going on or something similar. I still look back on those memories fondly.
I’m now a well adjusted adult, and I don’t think my childhood was any worse for having two parents who worked full time. I still got to spend time with them, but I also got to play with kids.
I really think its a personal decision. I never felt deprived because my parents worked full time. In retrospect, I think it was a really good thing for me and my mother. (She is really driven, and would have hated being a SAHM).
If you want to stay home because you can afford it and its what you want to do, great. However, don’t let anyone guilt you into thinking that you HAVE to stay at home. At the end of the day, you are still raising your children whether you are a SAHM or not.
Post # 11
@Artificial-Sweetener: I grew up in a household that always had one of my parents home. I was lucky because there are 5 of us but my dad was able to support us. I would love to be able to do that for my kids, but it’s not realistic. I love my lifestyle and I’m not giving it up. Adding in a huge new expense is not the time to be decreasing my income.
As long as you are making significantly more than daycare costs (and in your case that might not even apply) then it is worth it to work. This is the situation for so many people and they turn out just fine. I’m sure I will switch back to consulting freelance so I can work from home but I still want to be working. It does suck that you have kids and someone else raises them but it’s a fact of life that households need the equivalent of two incomes (at least if you want anything nice, which I do). We will never be rich so off to work we go 😛
Post # 12
@Artificial-Sweetener: I hope you didn’t take my comment as snarky. I really was trying to make you feel better by letting you know that most people are in the same boat as you. I feel exactly like you do. I often feel sad about the thought of someone else raising my child but it makes me feel a little better to know that a lot of other people go through the same things.
Post # 13
I think most parents work FT these days. When I was younger, I felt like the odd one out because my mom didn’t work and my dad did.
Post # 14
@Artificial-Sweetener: I know that SAHMing is not an option for me. My FI from the get go knew that he needed a GF/FI/Wife who could pay her own way careerwise as his pay is not enough to support us both. Also, after spending so much (ahem – loaning so much) for my education, I cannot let it go to waste. However, what I am going to do is that the next job I take on, I will pay attention to their maternity benefits and take as much time as I can to recover and be available. However, unless FI’s parents move to be close to us (they’re older and want to leave their area), we’ll be relying on day care.
Just like there will be more and more same-sex couples having/adopting kids, there will be more and more both-parents-being-full-time worker families. It’s definitely the norm rather than the exception even though it may be difficult at times. The days of there only being one provider in the family are actually more the exception than the rule now.
Also, I hate the stigma associated with moms working outside the home (it’s usually moms that get targeted for this unfortunately even in 2013). I know plenty of people who effed up in life who had SAHMs, and I know plenty of successful people (usually women) who had full-time worker moms. It’s not so much being available to raise the kids as raising them well when you are available to raise them! Plus the ability to provide food, shelter, and entertainment helps as well.
Post # 15
I had your same concerns. I felt like a horrible person when I knew that I would have to go back to work full time after my year of mat-leave. I felt like somone else would be raising my kid and that I was failing her in some way. I begged DH for us to find a way for me to stay home, but it wasn’t financially possible.
Honestly, it hasn’t been that bad. My daughter has benefitted greatly from going to daycare, interacting with other kids, and being away from me.
I will say though, that I would probably feel MUCH different if I hadn’t had the first year with her. I felt like that first year was very pivitol for both of us. I might not have had kids if I knew I had to go back to work after 12 weeks.
Post # 16
We both work full time and have 2 kids. I can understand how a parent might feel bad about going back to work, especially when they are young. But from the time they are 5 and older they are in school anyway. My 10 year old doesn’t get off the bus until 4:30 and I am picking her up from aftercare by 5pm- so how much am I really missing?