Post # 1
So I was just reading another thread on whether your new last name is an upgrade or a downgrade and I was wondering what your opinion is on the guy taking the girl’s last name.
Here’s my situation:
SO is from a different country, my parents and my last name (which is very unique) are somewhat well known. I’m very attached to my last name because it is my dad’s and my dad and I are very close. SO’s last name is his mother’s maiden name (which she doesn’t even have now) and he is not close with his family at all. He is very close with my family as well. One more point my first name and his last name don’t sound good together (even he thinks so), but his first name and my last name sound good.
What would you do? Ask him to take your name? Keep separate names (If we have kids I want the whole family to have the same last name though). Other options? Hyphenating is not really an option, my name is already kind of long and our names together sound silly.
Post # 3
Ask him if he wants to change it, especially if he isn’t very attached to it. The worst he can do is say no.
Post # 4
FI and I still go back and forth on which of our names to take. He likes mine, I like his. I’m not sure about your options… I think if he’s okay with it, just have him take your name 🙂
Post # 5
I know of one couple who did that and it worked out fine. The guy didn’t have an issue with it – he really did it out of love because the girl was the only child and her parents had no siblings, so there was no chance of the family name living on. So he took her name since he had tons of brothers.
Post # 6
I would ask, but understand that he may be somewhat surprised that you’re asking.
I’m of the opinion that couples should always look at all options, rather than assuming that it’s only a woman who does or does not change. However there is often a lot more pushback if someone makes an unexpected choice (I think this pushback is a bad thing, to be honest, but I can’t help but acknowledge that it’s there). The fact that he is not that attached to it and it doesn’t link him to his family may make it something he’s more willing or excited to do, though.
I asked my fiance about this. He asked me about changing to his. But we’re both pretty attached to our names so it’s not happening. We don’t plan on having children, but if we do, we’ll hyphenate or something like that, since he would want them to have his name, and I told him he could name them whatever he wants when he figures out how to get pregnant. 😛
Post # 7
I think it’s totally up to each person/couple – if it’s what you both want, it would be great! But if he prefers to keep his, you can each just keep your own names. That’s what my FI and I are doing.
Post # 8
my DH took my name!
similar situation – his father wasn’t the best guy, had other families (that DH doesn’t know at all). his father & mother left their country to live here in the US and he just didn’t grow up knowing the people that share his last name. the only one he’s in contact with now is his mother.
I, on the other hand, have a pretty big family, lots of uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents, etc. so DH took my name and has the same name as his big gigantic family, the one he got by marrying me, hehe 😉
Post # 9
I’m bit more traditional about this and think i would find it a bit strange if any of my guy friends got married and then took the woman’s last name. I must be old fashioned
Post # 10
I asked my FI to take my mom’s maiden name but he won’t so I’ll be taking it and dropping my dad’s last name. His loss on not sharing a name, he’s mad about it but I’m not fighting I just said no way in hell-o am I taking your last name. That was the end of the story lol.
Post # 11
I don’t know what’s best for your situation, but FI and I decided that we would both take each other’s last names so that our new and shared last name would be My Last Name-His Last Name. Neither of us wanted to give up our last names–I mean, they’re a significant part of our identities. But we also want our family (including future kids) to all share the same last name. So this was the perfect solution for us. We view our last names as a special piece of ourselves that we are each giving to and sharing with one another when we get married.
Post # 12
My cousin and her husband had this problem. My cousin has a very unique first name Mikel (Meh-Kell). While she didn’t want to keep her last name, she didn’t want to take her FI’s last name either. He has this crazy long polish name that I still don’t know how to pronounce to this day. So they compromised. They took his mother’s maiden name “Love.”. I know you said your FI already had his mother’s last name, but I think its just something you guys are going to have to sit down and really hash out. 🙂
Post # 13
My rational/girl-power side says: why couldn’t he take your name? There is no reason that you should have to take his or he shouldn’t take yours.
My emotional side says: I probably wouldn’t do this. I have a very strong personality and I am kind of sensitive to the issue of people thinking I “wear the pants” in the relationship. I know it shouldn’t matter what people think and I’m an adult and whatever…. but emotionally it bothers me if someone thinks that my DH and I don’t have an equal relationship. And because him taking my name would be outside the norm, I would worry that it would be seen like I made him do it or something. Stupid– I know. But thats how I’d feel.
Post # 14
I think it is a great idea if he is ok with it. Be aware that some states allow the man to change the name on the marriage license/same way as a woman, and some make the man go to court to legally do a name change that way. California is a state that allows the man to take the woman’s name easily.
Post # 15
@bells: I’m with you. I know there is nothing technically “wrong” with a guy taking his wife’s name but I know the traditional / old-fashioned side of me would find it a little strange if someone I know did this.
If your FI is fine with it though, there is certainly nothing wrong with him taking your name.
Post # 16
Personally, I much prefer when a Woman takes a Man’s last name cuz I’m a little traditional/old fashioned that way. I never liked my last name so I’m really looking forward to taking my FI’s last name. I say do whatever will make you both the happiest.