Post # 1
Just curious as to what defines maturity and adulthood to you Bees, since the Hive attracts quite a bit of diversity and varying opinions! Is it finances? Age? Or experiencing hardships? Is there a list to check, or is it a certain intrinsic quality? Maybe a little of everything?
Was there an experience that developed you, or was your maturity slow and sneaky? How much did your parents/family play into that? Your relationship/marriage?
For backstory’s sake, I’m in the limbo age of not quite an adult and definitely not a kid according to my birth certificate, and its like a three-year identity crisis. Trying to do a self assesment of sorts… (not to sound weirdly philosophical) 😛
Post # 3
@CarolF: This is an interesting question. I actually thought about this a bit last night when I read a thread about why some people are getting disenchanted by the site.
To me (39), maturity comes with age but can also come with experience. Some 20 year-old women have been through more than sheltered 45 year-olds. That said, people can come across as immature if they haven’t thought something through, are unprepared, or make assumptions about things before jumping in willy-nilly. I think that transcends the whole age factor.
Specifically in the hive, I think that mature bees ask honest questions, listen to all the responses, and take what they can/need to from the posts. The immature bees argue back, create new accounts just so they can agree with themselves (seriously, do you think you’re fooling anyone?), and tend to pile on without adding anything constructive to an ongoing dialogue.
Just my $0.02
Post # 4
I’m almost 39 *yikes*. I was married for 10+ years (together for 17 *double yikes*) I believe I had time to grow and mature in that marriage….we had 2 kids. Going through what I went through afterwards, grew and matured even more, especially being a single parent to 2 children and starting over, from scratch, including: job, furniture, house, vehicle. It wasn’t easy. Things like that make you grow up real fast.
Post # 5
@MrsLongcoatPeacoat: I agree with everything you’ve put.
I’m 20, but I’ve gone through quite a bit. I don’t think I’m as mature as I will be in, say, 10 years, but I know I’m definitely not immature.
I think maturity depends on the attitude of the person when faced with any situation. It doesn’t matter if you’re 15 or 50 if you react negatively and irrationally.
Post # 6
I also think there is a difference between being naive and being mature. For instance, I would generally consider myself fairly mature in that I make good choices and act with common sense MOST of the time, but I have a fairly naive view of the world. Sometimes those two clash a bit into what I wish could happen but know cannot. I think maturity is something that a person has to find for themselves, and I think that there is no one answer as to when a person becomes mature. For some it’s age, some experience, for some age brings experience, and some people never “grow up.” It’s all highly dependent on one’s personality and upbringing, IMO.
Post # 7
Maturity is not feeling the need to rationalize your actions or beliefs for strangers on the internet, and definitely never saying “but but but we’re so matuuure! I’ve done so much in my life and I’m so independent and MATURE! I’ve gone through so many things! I’m mature for my age!”
Post # 8
I think someone is mature if they are responsible, respectable, rational, honest, confident, act appropriately, and do not act like a self-absorbed douche. Usually one needs time to build up those qualitites which is why the older you get, the more mature you get. You learn how to appropriately handle different situations and act in a calm, rational, and respectable manner. You know when to hold your tongue and when to stand up for your beliefs.
It is not just enough to have life experiences. Nor is it enough to be financially stable and responsible. It’s more about how you present yourself and how you behave.
Also, I agree with PP. If you have to tell people you are mature, then you are not mature.
Post # 9
I think maturity has a lot to do with responsibility. Being able to look after what you need (finances, work committments, your home, your pets, etc), but also taking responsibility where you need to: situations, problem-solving, fixing problems, learning from situations, conflict resolution.
Post # 10
Great thoughts. Thanks bees! I’m having several life events converge at the same time, namely marriage, moving homes multiple times, and one hugely good but stressful job change for FI. <<runs circles, screams, pulls hair out>> 😉 Makes you introspective, ya know?
but I’d agree with a lot posted here! Especially the need to proclaim your maturity to all the world!
@GoldfishPie: amen and amen.