Post # 1
I am wondering what thoughts are out there on opposite sex friendships from before you were in your serious relationship.
In my case, I am a singer, and this person is another singer who I met while travelling performing. We always remained friends out of respect and admiration for each other’s work and similar philosophies on surviving the entertainment biz. We never hooked up or were in any romantic or physical relationship, and have always lived in different cities. The biggest problem is that he’s very talented and attractive. My FI is never jealous of anyone, and I usually feel like I can take him anywhere. However, after seeing this friend of mine perform at a gig when he came to town… FI got kinda weird about it. He was like “You didn’t tell me he freaking looked like Jesus and had a voice like honey!” Lol.. I said, “well of course I only keep fabulous company, but you see why I had to find someone even more wonderful to marry…” He said, “good save”…But was the first time I ever thought – maybe I can’t be friends with my friend anymore.
I’m not sure whether I can comfort FI and get him past it so that we can hang out with my friend and HIS SERIOUS GIRLFRIEND who lives in our town… and be friends with them as a couple? Or whether it’s just too much to ask of a man to be friends with your attractive talented friend of the opposite sex?
Post # 3
@waitingwonderland: I never even considered abandoning my opposite-sex relationships when I got a boyfriend/engaged. Then again, none of my guy-friends are very attractive… haha. Well, one has a really nice body, but my fiance likened him to this friend of his who isn’t attractive at all. I didn’t correct him, I just said “really?? You thnk he looks like him?” My fiance actually remarked (after he had met/seen them all) that he was relieved that I kept the company of guys “far below [my] league.” lol So… my fiance doesn’t feel threatened by any of them…
But still. I’d never just abandon previous friendships. Many of my friends were guys. I see no problem with it… but if your fiance does, that’s the issue. Our opinions don’t really matter. Maybe you should just discuss it with him instead of assuming. Since he hasn’t really expressed to you that he wants you to keep a distance, maybe he’s just trying to swallow the fact that the guy is pretty and has talent. He doesn’t sound like he’d want to harm your friendship, but that he was just a little uneasy and will get over it. As long as you don’t spend excessive one-on-one time with the other guy, I really don’t see any problem at all.
Post # 4
I think that it’s worth trying to maintain the friendship and see if y’all can be friends as couples. However, if your FI continues to feel insecure (if he even does, sounds like he was just taken aback), then imho it wouldn’t be worth the strife between the two of you.
Post # 5
One of my best friends is a guy. DH isn’t threatened by him at all, in fact they have become really good friends themselves and hang out all the time.
Post # 6
You sound a lot like me. Im also a singer 😉 I tend to make friends in a lot of different situations & end up making really good friends with guys sometimes, especially other performers. For the most part, my fiancé isn’t that jealous, but every once in a while he gets really jealous & I find it so weird! It’s always the wrong guys too. For example, one of my best friends is gay. Totally out & it’s no secret. But the first time they ever met, the bff & I were in a musical together where his character was hitting on me, now 8 years later, the fiancé still thinks he’s into me!! It’s so ridiculous!! Over the years he’s gotten over it quite a bit, but it’s still so silly. There have been a few other guys he’s just not trusted & some of them I’ve just distanced myself from. But it sounds like in this particular situation, your fiancé may have a bit of jealousy, but will probably give him a chance. Especially if you guys are hanging out with his girlfriend too. And maybe once he gets to know him a bit, he’ll get over it too.
I think it’s good that you guys are able to talk about it openly too. I think that’s something that helps us a lot in these situations. Being performers, we meet a lot of people, Men & women. And performers are often good looking people. Hopefully your fiancé will get used to that like mine has & it won’t be a problem in the future. I think reassuring him the way you did is a big help too 🙂
Post # 7
The majority of my friends are guys, I only have four female friends (3 local). And yes, some of my friends are quite attractive. My FI doesn’t have a problem with it and I do not have a problem with my FI having female friends. Besides, we are both so busy, that neither of us have time for monkey business!
Post # 8
I’m not somebody that really feels comfortable developing new male friendhsips while in a relationship (though sometimes they just fall into my lap- I always end up adopting one of SOs helpless single friends as my own for some reason), but even I see nothing wrong with maintaining old friendships that pre-date your relationship. Especially if there was NEVER anything romantic. I think your FI will come around, especially if you make an effort to do couple-y things with your friend and his girlfriend so your FI can see him less as a potential threat.
Post # 9
Get your hubby and your friend to get to know each other better. Problem solved.
Seriously though — I’m friendly with (if not as close to) my husband’s female friends, and he’s gotten close to my male friends. This isn’t out of a sense of checking up on each other, just…you know, we know cool people, yeah?
Post # 10
I have a problem with male-female one-on-one friendships, because very often one person (most often the guy it seems) has trouble keeping it platonic (I think it’s about how guys are wired). BUT as couples, no problem. I think your FI should understand that when you meet as couples (i.e. the 4 of you) there’s no need for anyone to feel threatened. That said, if your FI is uncomfortable with it, then your relationship with your FI trumps your friendship with the singer.
Post # 11
I think there is a difference in being friends with someone by talking sometimes and hanging out when they are in town than being friends and talking with a person of the opposite gender until the wee hours of the morning daily or sleeping over at their house without your SO. I don’t think just because one is engaged or married one must totally drop all friends that happen to be the opposite gender. But I do think one should consider the feelings of one’s SO and if they really have a serious issue with one specific friend then that should be a factor in one’s decision to continue the friendship or not.
Post # 12
I’ve never abandoned ANY of my friendships since getting together with Danny! He like all my guy friends, luckily…I think your guy needs to give your friend more of a chance and kinda suck it up, but you know…that’s just me. There is a line between appropriate and inappropriate, and you’re not being inappropriate in the slightest. Especially since it’s a couple siuation.
Post # 13
I have a couple of opposite sex friends and my hubby is ok with it. I don’t encourage to leave friendships that you’ve built before you got engaged or in a serious relationship. My close friends are now my DH’s close friends too. It works well and there is no jealousy. As long as you include your DH you’ll be fine.
Post # 14
I don’t really think we can answer for you… I mean, I think every relationship and circumstance is different… so you will have to see if this works in yours or if it isn’t worth it.
Post # 15
My BFF is a dude. He is pretty attractive, but DH knows that there is NO chance of us ever having a romantic relationship. He’s the one I call to come hang out and have a wine and movie night when the hubs is working late. he’s kind of like a gay best friend without him being gay? I don’t know. He’s like my brother and my husband is completely ok with our friendship. He actually walked me part way down the aisle to my dad.
Post # 16
My best friend in the entire world is a guy..and the man of honor at the wedding. When we first started dating, I made it very clear to FI…if he had a problem with the relationship, he could leave, because my friend wasn’t going anywhere. He has no problem with it!