Thoughts on pre-marital counseling?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Have you done pre-marital counseling?
    Yes - I loved it! : (31 votes)
    43 %
    Yes - I would not recommend it : (6 votes)
    8 %
    No - but I should have : (14 votes)
    19 %
    No - and I don't think it's worth it : (21 votes)
    29 %
  • Post # 3
    2562 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I cant say if its worth it or not… but we didnt do it and are more than happy.

    Post # 4
    1665 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    My husband and I rarely argued and had/have very open communication. But I have always said I will do pre marital counseling no matter what (partially because I need to be sure that my partner is open to going to see a counselor if things got bad between us). my husband was very very reluctant to go because of the stigma of counseling. But he knew it was a deal breaker for me. So we went and actually had a lot of great conversations! Nothing we didn’t necessarily know about before, but we were able to get an outsiders perspective which was kind of cool. 

    I definitely don’t think it can do any harm!

    Post # 5
    6048 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I wish we had done it.  Not just big things, but small ones too.  We ran out of time and figured we had it all worked out.   If we had gone through the church, we could have spent 16 hours of talking about us.  It couldn’t hurt at all in my mind.  

    Post # 7
    1132 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: Seattle, WA

    I definitely want to!

    Post # 8
    547 posts
    Busy bee

    We’ll definitely get premarital counseling. Why not? If problems get brought up that “weren’t even there”, then they were obviously there.

    Post # 9
    246 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    FI and I have been together for 9 years, lived together for 7 of them. We have children together also. We have had our ups and downs and been through the good, the bad and the ugly already. Now that we are getting married, church requires pre-marriage counseling. We weren’t opposed to it, it’s just something we had to do. Neither of us expected to get much from it though. Turns out, we actually enjoyed it! It was nice getting someone else’s veiw on how we handle things. We each took a little online survey type test privately and then the program matched our answers and gave our counselor the report. Guess what? We are great for eachother! Of 12- 15 different things they based it on, we only had one thing we could improve slightly on … finances. Which we are both stressed about since we are in the midst of paying for a big wedding! lol We also got little activities to do to help with life’s up and downs. I really liked it and even though we didn’t really need it, it was nice to see the results and get pointers. Definitely can’t hurt anything!

    Post # 10
    1491 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    We did pre-engagement “counseling” – we didn’t use a real counselor. Couldn’t afford it. But we were very different people and had to work through our communications issues. Ultimately we ended up reading several relationship books, working through some of the exercises, and getting advice from older couples. BEST THING EVER. We still do some relationship-focused exercises every now and then. You would be surprised at some of the things you learn about your SO no matter how long you’ve known them. We do the exercises in a very safe space, bring snacks, it’s in a cute place, and we always leave with a hug and kiss and it’s a positive feeling. I highly recommend it even if you think your relationship is in a good place.

    Post # 11
    2535 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I so wish we had done it. We do councilng now and it’s so helpful I think anyone could bennifit from it ! 

    Post # 12
    147 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I really recommend it! The priest who married us asked we attend a Catholic pre-marriage course… not formal counselling per se but we enjoyed it immensely.

    Our relationship sounds very similar to yours. On the same page with all the big issues, good communication, able to hash out any problems and have lived together prior to marriage for a couple of years.

    However, once we finished our course, we had a good discussion about how we would raise our kids and we also came up with a five year financial plan. 

    I think what it did for us was confirm we were right for each other and made us feel very confident in ourselves.

    So I hope you do something like it and good luck!

    Post # 13
    130 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    @melonseeds:  We did too! If we would have been smart we should have done it BEFORE we moved in together. It was such a huge help. Fortunately for us, because I was a university student, our counsellor was free. It completely changed how we communicate.




    It also gave me confidence in our future marriage knowing that he was comfortable seeing a counsellor and not ‘above’ asking for outside help (in case we ever ran into troubles down the road). Our counsellor was amazing and very good at what she does/highly trained. She focused on the weaker areas in our relationship instead of wasting our time on things we didn’t need help with. 

    Since my FI and I are younger (have been together for over 8 years) I want to make sure that we set ourselves for sucess and take all precautions before marriage. Some will argue that marriage counselling probably doesn’t work/etc. but you get back what you put in.  If you could care less…well’s not going to work. Why NOT try marriage counselling if it could mean helping your marriage/setting you up for success? 

    Post # 15
    4163 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

    We had two meetings with our minister before the wedding. I really liked a lot of the advice we received, and it was a nice reassurance that I was with the right person.

    If you can’t find a counselor you like, there are a lot of relationship books with quizzes, etc. You’ll see that a lot of Bees (self included) highly recommend “The 5 Love Languages.”

    Post # 16
    851 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church

    @sauerdragon:  We really didn’t have any big problems at all, so we really didn’t feel like we needed it. But now that we’re married, there have been several times where something has come up and we’ve been able to refer back to the counseling sessions and know how to deal with it. I would 100% recommend it.

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