Post # 1
Hello bees! Has anyone gne through premarital counseling? What was the reason? Would you recommend it? I’ve heard mixed things. My fiance and I have no issues that I can think of – we agree on all the “big” things as far as I know. In my mind, I think it would be a good way to strengthen our relationship and make sure we understand how to approach problems, etc when they arrive. We’ve been living together for a while – but obviously life has unexpected turns sometimes. My father passed when I was young so I never got to see a marriage in its full glory.
Just a thought. Please let me know what you all think 🙂
Post # 3
I cant say if its worth it or not… but we didnt do it and are more than happy.
Post # 4
My husband and I rarely argued and had/have very open communication. But I have always said I will do pre marital counseling no matter what (partially because I need to be sure that my partner is open to going to see a counselor if things got bad between us). my husband was very very reluctant to go because of the stigma of counseling. But he knew it was a deal breaker for me. So we went and actually had a lot of great conversations! Nothing we didn’t necessarily know about before, but we were able to get an outsiders perspective which was kind of cool.
I definitely don’t think it can do any harm!
Post # 5
I wish we had done it. Not just big things, but small ones too. We ran out of time and figured we had it all worked out. If we had gone through the church, we could have spent 16 hours of talking about us. It couldn’t hurt at all in my mind.
Post # 6
@Kelly_mac: That’s good to hear. I remember reading that people discouraged it because it tends to cause problems that never previously existed – but IMO if that happens then maybe it wasn’t meant to be anyways. I agree with the premise that both partners should be willing to see a counselor if things get bad – and that this is kind of a gateway to make sure
Post # 8
We’ll definitely get premarital counseling. Why not? If problems get brought up that “weren’t even there”, then they were obviously there.
Post # 9
FI and I have been together for 9 years, lived together for 7 of them. We have children together also. We have had our ups and downs and been through the good, the bad and the ugly already. Now that we are getting married, church requires pre-marriage counseling. We weren’t opposed to it, it’s just something we had to do. Neither of us expected to get much from it though. Turns out, we actually enjoyed it! It was nice getting someone else’s veiw on how we handle things. We each took a little online survey type test privately and then the program matched our answers and gave our counselor the report. Guess what? We are great for eachother! Of 12- 15 different things they based it on, we only had one thing we could improve slightly on … finances. Which we are both stressed about since we are in the midst of paying for a big wedding! lol We also got little activities to do to help with life’s up and downs. I really liked it and even though we didn’t really need it, it was nice to see the results and get pointers. Definitely can’t hurt anything!
Post # 10
We did pre-engagement “counseling” – we didn’t use a real counselor. Couldn’t afford it. But we were very different people and had to work through our communications issues. Ultimately we ended up reading several relationship books, working through some of the exercises, and getting advice from older couples. BEST THING EVER. We still do some relationship-focused exercises every now and then. You would be surprised at some of the things you learn about your SO no matter how long you’ve known them. We do the exercises in a very safe space, bring snacks, it’s in a cute place, and we always leave with a hug and kiss and it’s a positive feeling. I highly recommend it even if you think your relationship is in a good place.
Post # 11
I so wish we had done it. We do councilng now and it’s so helpful I think anyone could bennifit from it !
Post # 12
I really recommend it! The priest who married us asked we attend a Catholic pre-marriage course… not formal counselling per se but we enjoyed it immensely.
Our relationship sounds very similar to yours. On the same page with all the big issues, good communication, able to hash out any problems and have lived together prior to marriage for a couple of years.
However, once we finished our course, we had a good discussion about how we would raise our kids and we also came up with a five year financial plan.
I think what it did for us was confirm we were right for each other and made us feel very confident in ourselves.
So I hope you do something like it and good luck!
Post # 13
@melonseeds: We did too! If we would have been smart we should have done it BEFORE we moved in together. It was such a huge help. Fortunately for us, because I was a university student, our counsellor was free. It completely changed how we communicate.
It also gave me confidence in our future marriage knowing that he was comfortable seeing a counsellor and not ‘above’ asking for outside help (in case we ever ran into troubles down the road). Our counsellor was amazing and very good at what she does/highly trained. She focused on the weaker areas in our relationship instead of wasting our time on things we didn’t need help with.
Since my FI and I are younger (have been together for over 8 years) I want to make sure that we set ourselves for sucess and take all precautions before marriage. Some will argue that marriage counselling probably doesn’t work/etc. but you get back what you put in. If you could care less…well then..it’s not going to work. Why NOT try marriage counselling if it could mean helping your marriage/setting you up for success?
Post # 14
wow I am so glad to hear positive feedback on the matter. I think we will see someone if we can make the finances work. We aren’t members of a church so I’m not sure we can get counseling through that. Worst case we’ll get some relationship books or something 😛 I just want us to always remember to work on the relationship to stop problems before they arise
Post # 15
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
We had two meetings with our minister before the wedding. I really liked a lot of the advice we received, and it was a nice reassurance that I was with the right person.
If you can’t find a counselor you like, there are a lot of relationship books with quizzes, etc. You’ll see that a lot of Bees (self included) highly recommend “The 5 Love Languages.”
Post # 16
- Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church
@sauerdragon: We really didn’t have any big problems at all, so we really didn’t feel like we needed it. But now that we’re married, there have been several times where something has come up and we’ve been able to refer back to the counseling sessions and know how to deal with it. I would 100% recommend it.