Post # 1
so my RSVP deadline is August 1. All along, I’d thought it was July 1 but then I took a look at the invitation draft and saw it. I can’t believe I did that. I think my original rationale was that I wanted to give people as long as possible to save for the flight/hotel.
At any rate, my absolute drop dead date is August 5. That is, I do NOT have a bunch of time to hunt down RSVPs. My fiance, for a host of reasons (including his own mother buying a plane ticket that has her arriving on the day of the wedding instead of the day before) wanted to send out a general friendly email reminding people of the event dates, directing them to the website for info and requesting that they RSVP yes or no. I wasn’t really comfortable with that for etiquette reasons. BUT…I see his point.
How would you feel if you received a pleasant and polite email 2 weeks in advance of the RSVP deadline directing you to the website, providing other info and reminding you of the date by which your reply is requested? Be honest, Bees.
Post # 3
@Overjoyed: I wouldn’t like it. You sent an invitation that had the deadline included. A wedding is a social event, not a work deadline, and I would feel like I was getting a prompt from my boss because I was late on a deliverable 😛
You said to be honest, and that is how I would honestly feel. I understand you feel strapped for time but you chose the deadline and I assume you invited adults who should be able to be trusted to meet it. I get that people sometimes don’t, but I wouldn’t send emails before a deadline has even been missed.
Post # 5
I wouldn’t care. I sometimes need a nudge to remember things. Life is busy and I am as well. As long as it is not a scolding or badly worded “your late” reminder, wouldn’t bother me in the least. I had people who said things like “OH shit I forgot”. The reality is you know your audience best. In my guest list it would have went over fine. In someone else, probably not. Your going to get people on both sides here.
Try adding a poll.
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
Yeah I think it’s a little pushy. (I considered doing the same thing cause I need to know how many tables to rent but decided against it.)
Why do you need so much time? You’ll still have almost 2 months, and I think the recommended RSVP date is only 1 month before the wedding. That’s what we did and I think it’ll be fine…
Post # 7
It might not be the politest thing to do, but I think you can do it nicely, like you suggested with some other info … and the little reminder.
Post # 8
Do not do it. Your rsvp deadline is already wayyy far in advance if September 28 is your real wedding date. Usually the rsvp deadline is 3-4 weeks out from the date of the wedding. But yes, I would not like receiving an email like that.
Post # 9
I just got one of these emails! AND I WAS PISSED. I sent back a snarky email saying that I had already mailed it, but that I thought I still had 10 days left to RSVP.
Post # 10
I would definitely not do this. If I got an email like this I’d be annoyed. I think it’s really rude when people specify an RSVP date and then get upset when people don’t respond right away. If you wanted people’s RSVPs before August 1 then you should have indicated that on the RSVP card. I totally understand that people who don’t RSVP are really annoying. I had to track down a bunch of people who basically refused to respond, and some people even decided to change their RSVP the week of the wedding. But cross that bridge if you get there and just focus on getting as many RSVPs as you can before August 1 without sending out a reminder.
Post # 11
@lolot: “why do you need so much time?”
because my fiance and I live in different countries. Our wedding is in a third country. 66% of our guests are coming from a 4th and 5th country. And we need to start making headcount specific arrangements. It’s really a lot to go into, but it will all be fine if everyone RSVPs by August 1. What I didn’t really think about until reading some horror stories on the Bee is that it’s highly UNlikely that most people will. That and I got very spooked by the fact that his mom bought plane tix with the straight up wrong date and got a hotel other than our host hotel. Had my fiance not double-checked with her before it was too late she would not have even made it to our wedding.
Post # 12
@MrsTVLover: “I sent back a snarky email”
Post # 13
I did (AND I sent another 3 days after the deadline). Both me and Fiance sent emails to all those who didn’t send in their RSVP and to my knowledge no one was upset and it reminded those who hadn’t sent their in. Actually that’s when we got in a fairly large influx. Also, I didn’t want to assume that everyone received their invitiation — perhaps that’s why they hadn’t returned the RSVP.
Our email read:
Dear Invited Guests,
We are anxiously awaiting our nuptials in August but until then we are awaiting your RSVP. We understand that the deadline is July 4th but sooner is always better than later.
Please don’t consider this any pressure. If you are unable to attend we understand and you will be missed. We just don’t want you to forget to tell us. If you know you are coming please tell us because we can’t assume that a missing RSVP is a “yes”.
If you have any questions or concerns (or worse, you don’t know what I’m talking about – as in you have not received your wedding invitation) please contact either of us and let us try to accommodate you.
There’s more info on the website:
If someone was offended, I guess they decided to decline our invitation…oh well.
Post # 14
I think a lot of posters are right that it looks kind of bad to have a deadline and bug people before it, but on the other hand, you made a mistake and meant to have the deadline earlier. I think if you wanted to you could say in an email that your invitation had an error in the RSVP date and if at all possible, you’d really appreciate people RSVPing as soon as possible. Apologize for the error and inconvenience and add something like, “we’d love to have you there if you can attend” and I think people would take it fine.
I just went through RSVP process and I waited until the deadline, and then followed up with people. It worked fine for me, but I have a longer span before my final count is due. It probably took a week or two to get most of the remaining RSVPs after the deadline.
Also, we got very few RSVPs on our deadline or the day or two after (until I started to follow up with people). So it wasn’t like people were waiting for the deadline or close to the deadline to respond. Those people that hadn’t responded had either forgotten to send a response, misplaced their invite and forgot about it, or were just being rude and not responding.
Post # 15
Needing almost 2 months for a firm headcount is basically unheard of. I think you shouldn’t start doing the rounds of RSVP stragglers until the 2nd.
Post # 16
@MrsPBandJ: Now, I actually wasn’t thinking of using any of this language. And I can see why someone might be a little peeved to receive something like what you posted. Because even though you didn’t use any rude words or anything, it seems a little scoldy.
My invitations went out in March. So it is not farfetched that some people already know that they will/not be attending and simply forgot to let me know. Inspired by the email my fiance sent to his half of the list, I was moreso thinking of something like:
Dear Friends and Fam,
As the time for our nuptials gets closer we’d like to touch base with you to see whether you have any questions or need anything from us. Also, the website may have been updated since you last saw it, so please have a look. Don’t forget to use our hotel and airline discount codes. As a gentle reminder, we’ve asked that you RSVP by August 1. Can’t wait to see in you in Sunny (location).