(Closed) Thoughts on the Bachelor Party

posted 9 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I had a small issue regarding the Bachelor Party. His Best Man is a good friend to us both, and we sometimes talk about and joke about the Bachelor Party – and me surprising him by showing up. Suffice to say, FI didn’t like that idea, and took it a little too personally (when his Best Man and I were just joking around).

I trust him entirely.. but I also know that they will be going to a strip club, which really disappoints me. I think (personal opinion here) strip clubs are disgusting and it bothers me that he would really want to go to one. But, it’s his Best Man’s call, and I really don’t think he’ll do anything horribly wrong… I hope.

Post # 4
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

@emilybrooke: I have the same fears as you do! My fiance isn’t big on strip clubs, but his friends want to go (half are single and have one thing on their minds)…I hate that!

Stay strong, and try not to think about it. I’m just hoping that’s not all that’s on my mind, while I’m trying to enjoy my own night out. (our parties are on the same night, different cities)

 

 

Post # 5
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I know that feeling of not trusting the friends.  It’s a hard one. For me, I just made it a point to express how upset those kind of bachelor parties make me feel.  Then left it to my FI to navigate with his friends. 

Also, I made him invite my dad and brothers.

Post # 6
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

If you trust your fiance then it shouldn’t matter about his friends in my opinion. I know my fiance and I know his friends. I also know I do not trust some of his friends, but I know in a million years my fiance wouldn’t change his actions because of one of them. If your fiance is set on going and you are fine with it-then express your concerns about his friends to him (in a nice way) and the only thing you can really do is trust him. My friend is going through the same thing at the moment. A lot of our friends are couples and many of them are engaged. One bachelor party is to take place next Fri-Sun in Vegas. My fiance and one other guy from the group won’t be attending because that is not their scene and refuse to go. However, my girlfriend’s fiance insists on going and she is in your dilemma. She trusts him, but not the guys he’s with and because of the last bachelor party the same group of guys had in Vegas for another guy in the group.

Communication is key my dear! Be open and honest with your fiance-it’s the best! 

Post # 7
Member
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

@Tanya – what a great idea! I wish I had a brother..

Post # 8
Member
397 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

If he really wants to go to a strip club for his bachelor party then let him, without a fight.  

BUT definatly talk to him about how you feel, about what is acceptable and what isn’t, and let him know that you do trust him you’re just worried about his friends pressuring him to do something.  He should honor your feelings and assure you he’ll be a good boy 🙂 

I’m not sure what my fiance will be doing yet.  But I trust him to make good decisions and not buy into peer pressure.  I want him to have fun with his friends, but not do something he’ll regret or that would make me an angry fiance 😉  But like I said I have confidence in him!

 

Post # 9
Member
7054 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t have a problem with it.  I am not sure why, but I trust T, and know he’s committed to me 100 percent!  If a man’s in love and truly in love, it doesn’t matter what other guys are doin’ around him, he will remain faithful.  I draw the line at "tipping" and any private/lap type dances.  

Now this being said, I think the bachelor party type scenario is honestly a bit dated..

When I became legally single again six years ago, my girlfriends gave me a "re-bachelorette" party (Driftslikesmoke may know of the ridiculous place they took me to) and we first ate out at a fancy steakhouse (Chops) together (including one of the docs I work with and he loved being the only guy) and then after they got me a few glasses of vino, they took me to a male strip club (Hey Miss Driftslikesmoke, have you heard of swingin’R’s?  giggle.) and we stayed all in all maybe 10 minutes.  I found it hilarious.  I was not in the least turned on by any of it.  

Post # 10
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2009

My fiance will definitely having a traditional bachelor party (bar, strip club). Not happy that he wants to go out the night before the wedding, but, I trust him not do anything stupid.

Post # 11
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

before I met my husband,  I remember thinking how nervous I would be about my fiance at his bachelor party.  Well I never worried for a second when my husband had his because I trust him completely – and I happen to think his friends are all great guys (I think who someone is friends with actually says a lot about their character). Anyways, in the end it was a tame weekend (all but one person who went were married w/kids), no strippers – and my dad and brother were there too 🙂  If they had gone to a strip club though, that would have been ok.  They just didn’t!

Post # 12
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I’m not worried about my husband, but it is kind of a stinky feeling to know that if it were just him there would be no strip club involved, but because some of the friends want to go they’ll end up at one. I just asked that the whole party not be centered competely around a trip to the strip club. So they are going to Atlantic City to drink, gamble, see a comedy show…and a strip club. Might not make a difference to some but it does to me.

Post # 13
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

My FI will be in a similar situation, several of his friends are single, and there are a few that arn’t but are shady! We are very open about everything and I’m a really laid back girl, he will be going to the strip club & getting lap dances, no big deal b/c I know there won’t be anything else. He loves that he can be open with me and not lie (his best friend got married a year ago and they lied to his FI about the strip club) I trust him and who cares about a few lap dances, anything more, the wedding would be off and I know he would never jepordize our relationship.

Trust your instincts and although his friends are single hooligans if you trust your FI his friends persuasions (if any) won’t matter.

Post # 14
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2009

My FH and I have talked about this a lot, we’re all big partiers, and in my opinion why shouldn’t he be able to go out with his friends?  That being said, I’ve talked to all the groomsmen and his maid of honor (we’re not super traditional) and told them I don’t care what they do for the batchelor party, just that FH can’t have sex with anyone, which he wouldn’t do anyway, and that it has to be at least a week before the wedding since we all plan on partying the night before the wedding.  I think honestly if you’re marrying someone then you have trust in that person so why not let them go celebrate with their friends?  Our friends are making it more of a celebration of the fact that he is marrying someone they like, as opposed to his ex-wife, than a lamenting of the loss of his singlehood.

Post # 15
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I am dreading the bachelor party.  Its not that I don’t trust him but I don’t trust any one else.  We all know that anywhere the guys go any girl that hears he’s getting married is going to be all over him which does not make me happy.  I really want to have a combined party where we get a party bus and go into some clubs in Boston and just dance and have fun.  Neither of us are big on drinking so why go to bars?  Everyone else is pushing for separate parties though.

Post # 16
Member
2293 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Okay, if you think that the only thing that happens at strip clubs is dancing, you’re incredibly naive – already established.  Those girls don’t in general make the kind of money they make just dancing.

That said, if youre FI is the kind of guy who wants to watch another woman take it all off and rub her stuff all over him, I guess that’s the kind of guy he is.  Whether that’s acceptable to you is really between the two of you.

In my case, my husband actually is not that kind of guy, so the only issue we had was that he had a couple of friends who were likely to push that kind of bachelor party, even though it wasn’t what he wanted, and wasn’t what most of his friends felt comfortable with.  That kind of testosterone-induced peer pressure is a big problem for me, and that’s the discussion we had.  I absolutely trust my husband, but I also don’t want him hanging out with anyone who is so disrespectful of his ethics that they would purposely put him in a situation he objected to.  In the end, those particular guys just weren’t invited, and everybody had a great time.

What I think is pretty simple – you shouldn’t have to put up with your SO doing things that are objectionable to you, regardless of what those things are.  If you and your FI can’t agree on what kind of behavior is acceptable – in particular, if one of you has the attitude that they will do what they like even if it is objectionable to the other one, you’re going to have some serious trouble sooner or later.  Part of marriage is taking into consideration the feelings of the other person, and compromising appropriately.  You should never feel like expressing your actual feelings makes you "one of those women" – whatever that means.  Personally, I’d rather be one of those women than one of the kind that sits at home feeling awful about what her husband is out doing, and not feeling like she has the option to object in any meaningful way.

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