(Closed) Thoughts on this situation:

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

What in the world?! Okay, first, you MIL sounds like a nut case. Second, if I were those cousins who weren’t invited to the wedding but the MIL invited me to the RD I’d politely decline and stay the heck away. It’s lovely that the cousins wanted to share with you, but driving 5 hours for a RD when you’re A) Not close enough to even be invited to the wedding, and B) Not part of the wedding party or ceremony…….. Your MIL was way out of line to invite them, show up late herself, and then treat you poorly because of it.

Post # 4
Member
1789 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I definitely think your mother in law was totally in the wrong to invite them, and yes, it was rude of them to rsvp no for the wedding, but they may have had a good reason that kept from the wedding, and they saw the rehearsal dinner as a way to celebrate with you. They likely had no reason to know they weren’t really wanted at the RD. I personally am unaware of a “formal invitation” to a RD. Anytime I have been invited, its been by “word of mouth”, so I can see how your cousins would assume that your MIL’s invitation was a “formal” invitation. 

That being said, is it possible that maybe your shock and anger at your mother in law maybe rubbed off on those cousins and you may have come across as unintentionally rude? THere is no doubt that your MIL was wrong, but once the cousins showed up, you (and especially your fiance) should have made every attempt to accommodate them, including finding them seating. Assuming that you dealt with it and moved on like you said, I don’t really see the problem. Your mother in law clearly has a case of the crazies, and if she has a problem with how the guests were treated, she should have shown up on time to make sure the guests that SHE invited was accomodated. if the cousins, on the other hand, felt slighted, I might throw an apology their way for the confusion and explain the situation (without admitting that they werent actually supposed to be invited)

Post # 5
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

your MIL was totally out of line, and franky the family members should have known well enough that if they weren’t wedding guests even then they probably shouldn’t be showing up at the RD. it sounds like you did the best you could do given the circumstances. still, considering she’s now your MIL and you’re stuck with her, it might be best to suck it up and act apologetic about it just to smooth things over. you know you’re right and she’s wrong, but it’s probably not worth pushing that point since it’s kind of guaranteed to ruin your relationship from the start.

Post # 6
Member
1555 posts
Bumble bee

Your MIL is a whackjob. She is completely inconsiderate and rude and thoughtless. But I do think you did the right thing by paying for the uninvited guests. That saved you a lot more drama, so be thankful for that.

Your FI needs to sit down with his mother and have a little chat with her and tell her how out of line she was. If not him, then maybe your parents.

Post # 7
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Your MIL isn’t in your life, right?  You can’t control what she says or how she thinks you wronged whoever.  She will do as she pleases.  The only person we can control is ourselves.  She was completely out of line but when has she been in line with you ever?  Hell, I’m rude by saying “How are you doing?” to my MIL…I am just eternally screwed with her, damned if you do, damned if you don’t.  Your MIL can nit pick your wedding apart all she wants to but just let it go because she seems a few fries short of a Happy Meal.  As long as you and DH are okay on how you handled things (I thought fabulously, btw), that is all that matters.

I get it if you are just venting.

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