Post # 1
I just got a phone call from a very confused/upset/frustrated friend… here’s the short version of the story:
The two of them have been in a relationship for a year and a half and they are engaged. His friends are really close knit and still haven’t come to terms with the fact that there’s a “new woman” on the scene. As a result, they’re not that friendly or welcoming towards the girlfriend.
This weekend there’s a big weekend long party because one of the boyfriend’s friends is turning 35. The “whole crew” is going, which includes spouses. The invite that went out for the party was sent to the boyfriend with no mention of the girlfriend. The girlfriend doesn’t want to go to the whole weekend because she feels awkward, uncomfortable and knows she isn’t welcome because she’s “new” and “not part of the crew” (they have said this to her face!). Boyfriend says he wishes things were different so that she would go but he understands how she is feeling. He still plans on going for the weekend. The girlfriend doesn’t want to stop him from going because she knows it will be fun for him but she still feels hurt that he doesn’t seem to care about going to a couples weekend without her.
What are your thoughts on this?
Post # 3
She can either go and ignore his immature friends or just relax and enjoy the weekend by herself. There really aren’t other options unless she is going to leave him over this….which I assume she isn’t.
His friends are being stupid. I would go if I were her and make friends with the wives.
Post # 4
He shouldn’t be friends with anyone that is unkind to her.If she wasn’t invited, he should have declined the invite.I wouldn’t be in a relationship with a man that didn’t care about my feelings.
Post # 5
I think that the boyfriend needs to have a chat with his “crew” (Ugh, at 35?!) and tell them that they need to start showing his fiancee the respect she deserves and he expects. My boyfriend wouldn’t stand for his friends, or anyone else, disrespecting me in this way, nor would he go off on a trip that should have included me but where I was rudely snubbed instead. This whole situation makes it sound like this is a rather immature group of friends.
Post # 6
I would be incredibly upset if my FI’s friends were being that rude to me and FI wasn’t saying anything to them about it. I agree that she should go and make friends with some of the other wives and girlfriends. She will never be ‘part of the crew’ if she just aviods them all the time. Both her and her FI need to make it very clear that she is not going anywhere.
Post # 7
@givemecouture: You can’t get to know people, unless you get to know them…Staying away from this get together is like throwing a golden opportunity in the trash…it’s an opportunity to get to know the people who are a HUGE part of her SO’s life…and honestly, they’ve known him longer, that doesn’t mean he loves them better…if it were me I would pack my party hat and attend this event with a good attitude and confidence.
Of course she’s not part of the group, she’s the new girl….you have to start somewhere and if you can’t run with your SO’s friends, the relationship is going to trip on that hurdle over and over again.
She’s going to have a great time, hear all kinds of funny stories about him, learn inside jokes, make some history with these people on her own and begin establishing herself not as the New Girl…but as HIS Girl….and the sooner she can do that, the sooner they’ll get used to the idea.
Post # 8
@givemecouture: I would say she should go. They seem like they haven’t accepted her yet but honestly 1.5 years is not a long time and I doubt she has seen them as much as she has seen him in that amount of time. She should try and get to know some of them better and this may be a great chance.
Post # 9
@kellmerr: I agree with this.
His so-called friends are behaving like immature assholes for treating the woman he loves like this. Why would he even want to remain friends with people like that?
If I were her I’d be upset if he chose them over me, because essentially that’s what the “friends” are forcing him to do. If he goes he’s making the wrong choice.
She shouldn’t go because she isn’t invited, and she would only be setting herself up to be treated rudely. I would never allow any of my friends to treat my husband badly, if they did they would no longer be my friends. What a messed up situation!
Post # 10
See, you ladies are as torn as I am! I know for a fact that she has been to a lot of events with them and she’s usually really outgoing and friendly but the way they have treated her has knocked her confidence. I’ve known her since high school and she has been really bothered by how they have treated her. They all went to Mexico together and they had I think 2 nights where it was just ladies/guys only and the women purposely didn’t invite her. I remember her texting me saying she was crying in her hotel room.
This is how I feel about this weekend party situation:
– She should go and show them that the two of them are solid and their negativity doesnt get to her
– I think her not going makes it look like he doesn’t care about the whole situation and that he accepts how they treat her
– I totally understand her not wanting to be around them (I went to a party with her last summer because she wanted moral support… these women were BITCHES!). I mean, how much does she have to go through with them before they decide she’s good enough?!
– I think he should talk to his friends and tell them to grow up and get over it
I feel really bad for her 🙁
Post # 11
Ok… lets see.
Couples Weekend… and BF got an invite that didn’t mention her ?
And yet they are Engaged and a Social Unit…
I’d have the BF call up to double-check this Invite to him… I assume it came via Email… so it is possible that with this more “casual way of communications” that there was an oversight in details, and that it was “intended” for both of them.
Now if she doesn’t want to go that is another issue.
Same with if he does want to go without her all the same…
There is a lot of “stuff” going on in this Relationship IMO you aren’t necessarily privy to IMO
Hope this helps,
EDIT TO ADD – and oh ya, I thought of something else here that might explain a bit on the situation… you said he is 35, and she was “the new girl”… and yet they’ve been together for over a year.
Curious… was his “old girl” his wife? Because when it comes to “married couples” and their friends, there can certainly be some “feelings” that surface when a Divorcee brings someone new into the mix of a long established friendship… more so if the “new girl” is the one he left his Wife for… or the Divorce was dirty etc.
So infact at this point in time he may be more of a friend with “the guys” than he is with their wives. That would certainly explain some of what is going on here.
Post # 12
She should go just to prove to them she is making the effort to know them . But he should definitely be saying something to his friends because they are being asshole without a cause.
Post # 13
The guy is a jackass if he continues to be friends with people who are cruel to his fiancee. Period.
Post # 14
@givemecouture: Oh.my.god….there are adult women on this earth that still act like this….? Well, THAT is a horse of a different color, and if it were me I would have to think LONG and HARD about attending a weekend where I was essentially going to be in the snake-pit the entire time…if she goes, there is only one way to handle women like this….you have to out bitch them….if she’s got it in her to put these snarky, cosmo sucking vampires in their place, it’s a satisfying moment to knock a group of harpies on their heels…if not, don’t…no one should be subjected to that unless they actually enjoy the sport of bitch hunting….Personally I have gotten more than my share of trophies from these dangerous and unpleasant beasts…but it’s not for the faint of heart and certainly inappropriate for a woman with such a tender soul…her SO should know better, shame on him….
Post # 15
@givemecouture: I agree that he needs to talk to them and tell them to grow up and get over it. He should be mad as hell! How would he like it if her friends did that to him? What would he expect her to do in the same situation?
I’m sorry, I’m firm on this one. If he goes without her, he’s being a jerk.
Neither of them should go. He should get in their faces and tell them to accept his fiancee or lose him as a friend. I would expect my husband to do that, and he would. My husband would never allow anyone, even his best friend, to treat me badly.
Post # 16
If it was me, my FI would HAVE to say something to them…it’s disrespectful if he doesn’t stick up for her. I also wouldn’t go on the trip…screw that, I’ll spend my weekend with actual friends!