Post # 1
So my friend, T, asked four of us to be her bridesmaids. So this Saturday, we threw her an extravagant awesome bridal shower. We went off an invitation list that she gave us of all the ladies invited to the wedding.
I find out from my mom that we forgot a girl, A, who was invited to the wedding. Turns out A’s mom told my mom that she’d been crying. We invited A’s sister-in-law, how could we have forgotten her?!? I’m totally kicking myself.
My mom told me not to tell T or other bridesmaids because this had been told to her in confidence.
But I feel so bad. Should I tell the bride and we apologize to the girl? We didn’t mean to forget her. Or should we just ignore it? I don’t know what to do.
Post # 3
I would definately write her a letter. I would state it something like,
“Your presense was missed at the shower held on Saturday. It was after we noted your absense that a mistake was discovered on the invite list. With our sincerest apologies, we are very excited to see you at the wedding.”
Post # 4
I disagree with the PP, in the sense that I’m not a fan of letters. Too cold and impersonal. She was left off the list because you (the 4 BMs) messed up. She deserves an apology in person. Phone her and apologise.
As for telling T… well T obviously knew A wasn’t there. In my opinion, the “in confidence” part is the crying, not that she wasn’t there. You should definitely tell T that you made a mistake and forgot to invite A.
Post # 5
I think a nicely worded apologetic note would be fine. But you definitely should not ignore the fact that she was missed… It could make for an awkward moment at the wedding!
Post # 6
@paula1248: Agreed. A phone call would be better.
Post # 7
@paula1248: i agree that a letter isnt the way to go. whilst in some cases its better to write things in a formal way, things like “your presence was missed” sounds alittle cold to me. i think a phone call is 1000% better, or if for some reason not possible id prefer a less formal friendlier sounding note
Post # 8
@paula1248: The thing is that we went off T’s invitation list and she wasn’t there. I think T had forgotten to put A on there. And I’m 100% sure she didn’t do it on purpose. We just followed the list and didn’t think of A at all, which was really a huge mistake on our part. We should have caught it. I think T just assumed that A had RSVP’d “No” and we just completely didn’t notice. 🙁
Would in person be better? The thing is that we all go to the same church, so I will see her soon.
Post # 9
@MrsJenBee: In that case I think you should speak to T first. Again, nothing wrong with telling T (except the crying part), because it’s hardly a state secret that A wasn’t at the shower.
I think then it is T’s place to apologise because she didn’t include A on the list. But if you think you should have caught it, it wouldn’t hurt for you to apologise too 🙂 I’d be tempted to do it before the next church service; if it’s like my church it’s too easy to miss them at church itself.
Post # 10
@MrsJenBee: I would call her and say that you are sorry and it was not because of any reason apart from you thought someone else had invited her or something like that.
Edit: Agree about doing it the earlier the better, she may avoid you at church, or you may not see her and meanwhile she is still upset. It not actually your fault if she was left off the list but you can make it better by apologising 🙂
Post # 11
Call, apologize profusely, and make sure the bride knows she wasn’t there because she wasn’t invited.
Honestly, if my mom and SIL or sister were invited to a bridal shower of someone we are all close to, I would’ve had someone ask about my lack of invite. I don’t care if that’s rude. Sometimes you can just tell when it’s an oversight…
Post # 13
Call A apologize for the mix up. Then speak with T about her not being on the invite list, we tend to have alot running through our minds and mistakes happen.
Post # 15
I’d definitely call and apologize. Take ownership of the mistake and say it was in no way meant to be a slight to her, and that you wish you could go back and fix it. Just be very apologetic and hopefully she’ll be okay!