Post # 1
ETA: Sorry for the long post!
So a lot of our friends can’t make it to our wedding because they live in our current area and we are getting married in a different state, where we are from and all our relatives live (so basically a DW for friends here). And we are bummed that a lot of them can’t come but we understand of course.
We were thinking all along that we would throw another party in our current area to celebrate with these friends. One of my friends offered to throw us a party and I told her I’d let her know when some good dates would be, because FI is taking boards in September and will be busy studying between our wedding and his boards
Then all of a sudden another friend who is not coming posts an event on Facebook that is a party to celebrate their housewarming and our marriage, which is a date that does not work for us because of FI’s boards. Plus this friend has some weird drama with FI’s friends so we don’t want to have it at her house, we were thinking somewhere neutral like our apartment. I have no idea if this is the same party the other friend wanted to have or a different one. The other friend throwing the housewarming party hasn’t even talked to us about this party or found out if the date works for us, so that’s really awkward too. And now it’s out there for the whole world to see (or the 61 people she invited).
I suppose I should just contact both friends and find out what’s going on, but is there anything else you would do? I am also kind of mad because the friend having the housewarming party is inviting all these people we don’t know and didn’t invite to our wedding… so it could be awkward with people who weren’t invited to the wedding. And I don’t really want to celebrate it with people I don’t know. And there is a part of me that wants my own party with my friends that is not someone’s housewarming. (Our wedding only happens once, this person has moved every year for the past three years and had a housewarming every time…) But maybe I should just suck it up. I’m annoyed she didn’t even ask me about this but on the other hand I realize that she’s trying to do a nice thing for us and is well-intentioned.
I just don’t even know where to start right now. Probably wait until FI gets home and see what he has to say? Any thoughts?
This topic was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by nawella.
Post # 2
I would call them and try to find out what’s going on. I would also make it clear that we can’t make it to the party.
I wouldn’t suck it up and attend the party. Planning a party in someone’s honor without talking to them is rude, and I don’t accept rude behavior like that.
Post # 3
I would call the friend that offered to throw you a party and ask what the deal is. It’s very possible that she mentioned it to the other friend that posted about it and that friend took it all out of proporation and thought, “hey let’s throw it in with my housewarming #3!”
If that’s the case and the party is actually the housewarming, I would just throw your own at your apartment and invite whom you want to.
Post # 4
Well that is just weird and rude!
Post # 5
I had to deal with someone doing this. A close family member offered to throw my shower, I was so grateful, until she started planning and not once asked if the timing worked for me. She wanted to throw it the weekend before the wedding, which could not work for me. I have midterms and would prefer to have the week leading up to the wedding to just focus on that and do all the last minute stuff. She got really upset and said that was the only time that worked for her, she is going on a vacation the month before the wedding, and requires the 3 weeks leading up to the wedding, after she gets back, to recoup from her trip. I told her how much I appreciated the offer, but the timing just wouldn’t work for me with everything I have already going on. I was extremely appreciative of the offer and told her so, I tried to be nice about saying I would ask someone else to throw it. She has not spoken to me since, but has complained to other family members about it and that when someone offered to throw hers (20+ years ago), she just needed to know where and when to show up. Apparently, I am obnoxious for wanting my shower to be at a time that is convenient for me.
I would talk to the friend and find out her plan. If it doesn’t work for you, say so. Just be forewarned, some people take things very personally. I hope your friend is more understanding than my family member. A party in your honor should work with your schedule.
Post # 6
nawella: I would call the friend throwing the housewarming and let her know that you while you appreciate the guesture of celebrating in tandem, you won’t be available that weekend due to pre-existing commitments.
Post # 7
Thanks bees! I think I’m just gonna probably not go to the housewarming party and let her know I can’t make it. And keep doing what I was doing with my other friend who wanted to throw a party. And if the other friend doesn’t want to throw a party anymore then FI and I will throw a party ourselves like we had been thinking in the first place! 🙂
MrsClumsy: That is really obnoxious that she even complained to people about it! We had a little trouble with my shower too… my aunt wanted to throw it for me but all the dates I gave her didn’t work for her schedule. We ended up doing a date that was pretty inconvenient for me, but we still had a great time. She actually wanted to have it the day before the wedding so lots of people could come, but I was like, thank you but woah, no, too much for one weekend for me!