Throwing Tradition to the Wind

posted 3 years ago in Traditions
Post # 2
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee

I posted earlier today that I was married 36 years ago and didn’t do a garter/bouquet toss, and neither did/will my daughters (2013 and 2014). And no one asked in 1977 why I didn’t do it. We also didn’t smash cake in each other’s faces, do a dollar dance, or play games at my bridal or baby showers. Am I passing judgement on people who do those things? – absolutely not!

Some people are of the opinion that they can’t do this or have to do that; others call people “tacky” for wanting to do something, or say “it’s stupid.” I think name calling should stop. If tradition means a list of what you have to do or what people expect you to do, I’d say “forget it.” Each person is different and usually their circumstance and weddings are, too.

There are Bees on here from all over the world, from varying religions and socio-economic classes. I like to celebrate differences and diversity – everyone is unique! I’ve always “marched to the beat of a different drummer;” heck, my husband and I didn’t even exchange wedding rings. On the other hand, I balk when people say “oh, it’s a TRADITION!,” as if they’re passing judgement on me, too.

 

Post # 3
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m totally into the traditions! As are all my close friends that are getting married this summer, too. I’ve always wanted the classic wedding so we are including the normal traditions. I want to feel like a bride and not regret leaving anything out! I’ve always loved the bouquet toss as a single girl and I know people in my circle would be disappointed if I didn’t include it. I feel like the traditions included aren’t just for the bride and groom but are for all the extended family and friends. 

Post # 4
Member
65 posts
Worker bee

We are not doing a bouquet toss and we are not doing a garter toss nor a dollar dance.  I find these “traditions” to be tacky and disgusting.  That being said I will not put down those that choose to do them, but I would be very uncomfortable at a wedding where they were done.  While it may be my wedding day, I do NOT want to be put on display and made a fool of.  I personally think this so called ” tradition” should have never started in the first place.  

We will not be smashing cake in each others face, and there will be no children at our reception either.  There will be a semi-open bar and I will not allow children to be around drinking.  My family and guests support my decisions and agree with them.  Anyone that doesn’t does not have to come, that is their choice and respect that.    My family and guests also acknowedge why we made the choices we have for these “tradtions”.  We have only have about 20 people decline, and they have all declined because they cannot travel the distance.  One family is a family of 6 and lives in a different country, 1 is not coming because they were just deployed, etc…  So far, I have not had anyone decline because I am not following “tradition”.

Post # 6
Member
42490 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

MrsEmployed:  I think you are kidding yourself if you think you are not putting down the traditionalists when you call the bouquet toss,garter toss, and dollar dance “tacky and disgusting”.

They may not be your choice but no need to be insulting to those who choose to carry on with those tradtions. Unless you circulated an agenda, your guests’ decision to attend or decline cannot possibly be based one whether or not you are including those particular traditions, as they won’t know about your decision until the reception.

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Post # 8
Member
65 posts
Worker bee

I think people go way overboard when it comes to trying to catch the bouqet.  I just think it’s tacky throwing it and having people fight over it.  I’ve just seen to many people get carried away over it.  I also feel like it’s singles out my friends and family that are single.  

Calling it tacky and disgusting is in no way targeting people or insulting them.  I am simply sharing how I feel about these so calles “traditions”.  

 

Post # 9
Member
65 posts
Worker bee

Also, about 90% of our guests are aware of our choices to not follow “tradition”.  This is largely because both of us have discused it in depth with both of our families and our friends that we invited.  We have a large guest list, but come from very close families and talk to them quite frequently.  

Post # 10
Member
42490 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

MrsEmployed:  You can say it’s not your choice without calling it tacky and disgusting. It’s really impolite to denigrate the choice of others. It’s also against the Terms of Service here on WeddingBee.

Post # 12
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee

MrsHistory-Bee:  BTW, on another thread today, I mentioned that I hadn’t seen a garter toss in about 10 years and at the last bouquet toss (12/13), no one really participated. (I’m a 57 year old, 2X MOB, and I have attended my fair share of weddings).

So the OP directed this to me: “Garder tosses are still very very known. … Every wedding that I have been to has had both.” (garter and bouquet)

I would consider her response to be condescending, towards me, so I refused to respond to it.

Post # 13
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

MrsHistory-Bee:  I don’t care to have the traditional aspects in my wedding (hell, I would prefer to elope), but I don’t think there is anything wrong with them.  I think both traditional and non-traditional weddings are beautiful in different ways.  All that matters is that the bride and groom are having a wedding that they love, which it sounds like you’re having.

Post # 14
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

My FMIL and DH are both big on traditions. FMIL told me she even thought ivory dresses were different. Ha. I was going to do ivory but they only had my dress in white. To think, I wanted a green dress before I met DH.

Traditions I was fine with: Toasts, cake cutting, first dance…

Traditions that I gave into: We each did parent dances. I wanted to skip that or do them together. White dress.

Non traditional: We got married at the venue and didn’t have a priest. (both from Catholic families). I wore navy blue shoes and painted my toes a teal green color. I didn’t want to do bouquet/garter toss but I did an anniversary dance instead. I thought that was really nice.

If I could do it all over again, I might turn my father daughter dance to an immediate family dance, to somehow include my mother and siblings.

 

Post # 15
Member
3044 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Sometimes I feel like in today’s world of thumbing your nose at ‘tradition,’ where more kids are named Madysyn than named Margaret – that actually sticking to tradition is the rebel’s way of doing it.

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