(Closed) Tiered of waiting for him to be financially ready to propose

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2224 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

🙂 what if you told him money isn’t a worry of yours, if you don’t mind frugality? If you wait for everything to be perfect, you’ll be waiting forever. It will never happen because perfection is an illusion. You’re already living together, that’s all you need to be married 🙂 if you just wanna be married, you could just go for a simple courthouse wedding later on.

My guy, I know he’s the same way as yours, waiting for everything to be perfect. But I don’t want perfect or care for crazy elaborate: that’s why I’M proposing to HIM 😉 I just want us to be engaged for the next few years until we can afford to live together and then get married!

Post # 4
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I think the only way to deal with it is to talk to him about it. Explain why it is important for you to change the plan so you can get engaged now, but be prepared for him to disagree and say it is important to him that you wait.

You can have a long engagement, and not get married till you are financially stable. 

Post # 5
Hostess
7568 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I think you need to talk. The fact that he quit his job shows that getting engaged is not his number one priority. I’m not saying he shouldn’t follow his dreams, but couldn’t he work for an extra month or two to afford an engagement ring? You need to make sure he knows how important it is for you so hopefully he’ll make it a priority. 

Post # 6
Member
340 posts
Helper bee

On a positive note he is planning on proposing so at least you know one day he will marry you. BUT I completely understand how you want it now because you love him and have been with for so long. Maybe you could suggest each putting a certain amount a much for your wedding and engagement rings in the near future?

 

Post # 7
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Could you explain to him that the engagement is more important than the ring?  If you just want to consider your relationship as engaged, it should be no problem to just say you are, you don’t need the ring, just the committment.  If you really would like a ring, the two of you can buy a plain sterling band for the time being.

Post # 8
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I was in the same boat. He kept having problems saving for the ring. Things kept happening, like him having to get a new car when his old car went kaput, and right when he’d had the money for the ring. So I after a good conversation about our desires to be married, I told him I was going to the store, and if I saw a ring, I was putting it on hold.

So I found one and that’s what I did. I put it on layaway and gave him the information. Now, for every check he gets paid, he pays a percentage on the ring. It will be paid off next week. It doesn’t have our diamond in it. Instead it has a sapphire, because I was in love with the look of it. We plan to just put the diamond on layaway next, and put it in the ring once it’s paid. I don’t know if this is the answer for you, but here’s a little story that we all know about the Who’s down in Whoville.

Remember that the Grinch hated Christmas, so he took away everything that Christmas was about, thinking that doing so would stop Christmas? Well, to his surprise, it came without bows, and it came without trees. It came without gifts or anything else we think we need. So the Grinch learned the true meaning of Christmas.

In the same token, let your man know that the meaning of your love will not change based upon perfect circumstances. In fact, if marriage is for better or worse, and richer or poorer, and if this is the worst and the poorest and you still love each other, you have a strong foundation, so just do it.

That’s what I told my FI in 2010 (after 7 years and 3 of them back and forth about this). I told him that I have seen him at his financial worse and I still want him, so what is the problem? Of course after that, it still didn’t happen, and because of those feelings, I told him that if he couldn’t do it now, after all we’d been through, then it’s not meant to be and he needs to go. So he went. But a year later, he realized that he just didn’t want to do this life without me. I didn’t want to do mine without him either, and I hadn’t dated at all. I was just going to be done with dating and accept that my time had passed. But he came back and I immediately accepted him back. We’ve been marriage minded ever since (4 months).

So, seriously, finances are important, and they are a big deal, but there are millions of people in the world who get married without them, because together, you can have better and make better. But trying to make everything perfect alone–well, that’s not marriage. I felt bad that he felt that I needed him to be all “rich and perfect” first. It was so important for me to let him know that even if he was living in a box, he’s mine. I’d hate that, and we gotta get him out of the box, but I did not fall in love with his bank account.

See if saying any of what I have brought up with ease his anxiety.

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