Post # 1
So my fiancé and I will be married in less than 3 months. We went from planning a big wedding to now a more intimate ceremony of less than 20 people. This doesn’t really relate to this story, but had been a huge transition…but a great one. Anyways, my fiancé and I have had our moments in the past but I think we can both say for sure that we’ve never been happier And we are meant to be!
We were chatting last night and the topic of cheating came up. I was sharing how sad I was about one of our male friends cheating on his wife. I was shocked. He said, “I am not surprised. Everyone cheats. It’s inevitable.” That took the wind out of my sails. I disagreed and named several people I know who would be loyal. I’ve made mistakes with my fiance to the point where he said he will never fully “trust” me again. 🙁 I’ve not told him the whole truth during a rough time we had, but I’ve never physically cheated on him!! He has lied to me, but we all lie and we all make mistakes. As long as we move past them, forgive and grow from the experience…I feel our relationship is stronger now. We both seem happier bc of what we learned from our past issues. But when he said the thing about cheating and trust, I felt alone.
any advice would help! Thanks Bees!
Post # 2
I think everyone is capable of cheating. Every day we wake up and make choice to be true to our partners. Some days that is easier than others. Some days that choice is so easy it feels like breathing. Some days the choice is hard and we have to remind ourselves throughout the day you love partner and love your relationship too much to jeopardize it.
People who cheat make bad choices and those choices have consequences like losing the trust of your partner. Although you may forgive the hurt you don’t forget the hurt. The relationship will not be what it was once before knowing your partner is capable of inflicting such damage.
Just accept it. You will likely live a beautiful life with your fiance, but there he’s not going to feel like “oh no, that’s not my lady…she would never do that/ be that” if something else hurtful comes along.
Post # 3
Not sure what to say…beyond, if my SO told me that he didn’t and would never fully trust me, I would have been deeply hurt and starting to reevaluate my relationship with him. To me, love *is* trust.
Maybe this is an issue you both need to have a serious and long talk about.
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Hike4life: Whoa that’s a bad attitude to have about cheating. Not everyone cheats. Everybody has the capacity to cheat but not everyone follows through with it. I would want to know more about why he feels that way because it says a lot about him and his expectations for marriage. Does he also think that you or him will eventually cheat? Does he think there is any way to avoid cheating on your spouse (or it is truly inevitable)? I would be very uncomfortbale marrying someone who believes this because it means that they believe eventually at some point in the marriage they would cheat on you (and possibly believe it to be your fault they cheated!)
My husband and I truyl believe that everyone has the capacity to cheat. But with open communication and smart choices to stay out of situations where cheating is more likely to happen, everyone can also avoid cheating on their spouse or significant other. Hopefully he can qualify his statement to you.
Post # 6
beachbride1216: +1. This makes a lot of sense to me. Sure everyone CAN cheat but that doesn’t mean they will. If my partner had an indifferent attitude and said, “everyone cheats” I’d be worried that he didn’t have the same expectations of our future marriage that I do.
Post # 7
I would not marry someone who 1) said that “everyone cheats” or 2) does not fully trust me and doubts they ever will.
Not everyone cheats, that’s a rediculous opinion. However, if you are the type fo person who THINKS everyone cheats, you are much more likely to cheat. It reflects on the crowd you run with and your idea of what’s normal.
I’m sorry, but this union sounds doomed from the outset.