(Closed) Time for a break?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Why is he spending Christmas abroad? How long have you been dating?

Are you upset because you feel you are missing out on the trip? Or because he isn’t spending the holidays with you?

Giving him the slient treatment for 2 weeks is not very mature in my opinion.

We can’t always have what we want all the time, but you should be supportive and happy for the ones you love when they have opportunities to do cool things.

Post # 4
Member
1685 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

This wouldn’t work if I were you.

I’d try to hold out.  But I’d actually be seething with anger.  He’s out having fun and I’m sitting by the phone waiting to ignore his call?!  That JERK!  HOW DARE HE NOT KNOW THAT I’M SECRETLY IGNORING HIM!

After day 2: I’d call, angry and crying!

That stuff never works out for me.  I don’t think you should have a plan, but I think you should keep yourself busy.  Go Christmas shopping.  Get hot chocolate with the girls.  Go out with some coworkers after work.  Just make the time fly by without him so you barely know he’s gone.

The best revenge is a life well lived.  Smile

Post # 7
Member
1685 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@subtlebee:  Mine wouldn’t.  He’s very literal minded.  He will never notice that I’m mad unless I say, “I’M MAD AT YOU!”

Yours might be a little more on the ball with this stuff.

And I absolutely would be staring at my cell phone thinking, “JUST RING!  DAMN IT!”  So this plan would never ever work for me.

It sounds like you have a little more self control than me!

Post # 8
Member
11353 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Perhaps the reason you want to do this is because his actions may have triggered feelings of abandonment or rejection in you, and this may be your way of rejecting or abandoning him so that you will feel as if you have at least some small measure of control over a situation in which you’ve had no control.

Perhaps you feel that, if you tell him you do not want to speak to him while he’s gone, you proactively are trying to protect your heart from feeling further rejected each day he does not call or is not available to take your call while he’s away.

If this is true, those emotions certainly would be understandable.  However, they probably aren’t particularly healthy or helpful. 

I think you would best be served by focusing on what really fun things you now have the freedom to plan to do by yourself or with friends or family because he is going to be away, instead of focusing on stiving to not have any communication with him while he’s away.

Post # 10
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Who is he going abroad with? Could it be he didn’t ask you to come bacause he knows you like spending the holidays at home? Do you usually spend Christmas together?

I think it is fine to let him know you are sad you won’t see him for two weeks and when you talk to him you don’t have to be super cheery, but also don’t be super mopey. You can tell hom you miss him/wish you were together, but then you can ask him what he’s been doing and live the trip vicariously through him. If he has easy access to email, maybe he could send you a photo a day to share the experience with you that way.

I just don’t ever think the silent treatment is good for a relationship.

Post # 15
Member
1685 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@subtlebee:  Ok, I understand more of what is happening now.

Obviously he wants to visit his brother while his brother has time off and he can travel.  It stinks that you can’t  go with him, but don’t doubt for a second that your SO would have brought you if he could.

I recommend keeping to emails since Skype might result in you being upset and crying.

Promise you’ll email each other once a day to give updates.  Keep your informational: what’s going on in school/work.  Things you did that day.  People you saw.  How pretty decorations in your town are.  End each email expressing how much you miss him and love him, and hope he’s having fun.

He’ll send updates as to what he’s doing, which will help you feel like a part of it (this is what I do when I feel like I’m being left out/abandoned.  It helps me feel like I’m involved and being thought of).  And he’ll more than likely write you sweet things too.

This way, every time you send him an email, you can reread it a few times and make sure that it says what you want to say to him.  And no tears 🙂

Post # 16
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I know it sucks to be apart, but you need to learn how to be apart without being miserable. You can’t fault him for wanting to spend time with his brother. The first few times DH snd I spent extended periods apart it sucked, but he and I both had to travel for work and other things from tome to time. Being apart is just a fact of life. 

Maybe you should use the time he is away to do some real soul searching about why this perfectly reasonable 2 week trip upsets you do much. Keep yourself busy at home and the time will fly by. When you email him, tell him a story about your day (evrn if it is a trival one) rather than writing about how aad you are. If you expect to be miserable the whole time he is gone, then you will be. You need to try.some positive thinking You don’t want him to start to feel like everytime he wants to go away when you can’t that he has to choose between you or the trip. That is a sure fire way to push him away. Show him you are confident and fine on your own, that is much more attractive than super dependent and clingy (or unable to talk while he is away without crying).

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