Timeline pushed back, trying very hard not to be disappointed

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
422 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Rebar

@MissAEM:  🙁 timelines suck so much at times!!!! Mine has been pushed back three times not reasons that at that time I didn’t think they were important but they in reality were. I know exactly how you feel…im 25 and after 10 years still not engaged…i know I’m still young to brag about not been engaged but I have been with the same guy for years!!! anyways…my advice would be if he said a year try to keep yourself occupied…focus on you for now. That’s what I did to make the waiting process a bit easier. Currently my SO said 6 months would be our timeline….i was upset bc i felt like he was changing everything around again!!! but he said he couldn’t wait till next year. I told him to not tell me anything…lol! Chin up 🙂 I’m sure he wants to make the proposal super special…but who knows he may be just saying to throw u off!! 

Post # 5
Member
3077 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

@MissAEM:  I wouldn’t worry too much. I’ve given my SO a timeline that is months longer than I actually expect it to be. I’m sure he wants to surprise you and if you’re expecting next summer and he wants to do it next summer, he doesn’t think he’ll be able to surprise you.

Just hang in there, you’re not far!

Post # 6
Member
2302 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

so tell him exactly what you told us – you’re both in this relationship, you don’t have to blindly accept whatever his plan is. do it respectfully and calmly, but make your feelings heard. 

i’d say something like, ‘i am so excited about how much thought and effort you’ve put into planning a proposal for me, and i love that you want it to be something we’ll remember forever and tell our kids. but the most important thing for me is to start our life together, and i can’t help but be disappointed that you’re thinking another year from now. i don’t want to step on your toes, and if that’s the time you really feel you need, then of course, a year it is, but what i want most is to be engaged to you.’ 

HINT HINT haha 🙂

i think timeline discussions go wrong when people get super upset ‘you’ll never do it’ or whine ‘but i do i have to wait?’. if you clearly tell him that your first priority is starting your life, buying a house etc then he may move faster. for all you know, he’s holidng out till next year to propose at a certain concert or something, and i bet you’d be happier engaged in 6 months, than waiting for that concert.

Post # 8
Member
1360 posts
Bumble bee

Sometimes I worry about my SO missing our March 2014 timeline… But he knows very well that unless he has a GREAT excuse, he’d have hell to pay. We are equals in this relationship, and I don’t take kindly to people toying with my emotions. If PPs are right about the surprise – that he is misrepresenting his intentions in order to surprise you – honestly I think that’s just mean. Kind of like telling a starving child that he’ll get food at 6, but pushing it back to 10 only to give him food at 6 just so it’ll be a surprise (ok I know I’m being dramatic – the Hive is giving me World Vision ads). It’s too late for the proposal to be a total surprise; all he can do is make the actual timing and place a surprise. 

I don’t think your SO has any idea how mean and disrespectful this is, so I’m not criticising him at all, I’m just saying that you should let him know how you feel. The proposal is not a game!

Post # 9
Member
422 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Rebar

@MissAEM:  aw 🙂 no problem! thats what we are here for!!! keep us updated 🙂 we are both not so far from getting engaged!!! woo hoo lol

Post # 10
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MissAEM:  Maybe he’s trying to throw you off!

Post # 11
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@MissAEM:  It’s hard but I always say two things to waiting Bees: One, he may be trying to throw you off, and two, there does not need to be a special day for him to propose. I went through every special event in the book when I was waiting, and my proposal happened on a Friday in September, which holds no meaning to each of us. I wasn’t taken to a fancy restaurant, I was gross, makeup-less, and tired (and hungry!!), and he proposed with a beautiful video slideshow and the ring. It was perfect, but it just goes to show it can be special but it doesn’t have to be on an anniversary, birthday, or holiday.

Post # 12
Member
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

I don’t get it either. Like how special is the day going to be when you’re already resenting him? Grrr. It makes me so mad when some guys hold all the power. I would call him on it.

If my guy pulled this, I would flip out. Like what IS the hold up??

This is totally ridiculous….

Post # 14
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@MissAEM:  I’m sorry that you are feeling like this.

When I first found out that our timeline was delayed by a year….I kinda REALLY lost it. I was very upset.  When we got together I made my expectations very clear and he knew my timeline.  I’m sure that you can read many of my earlier posts about not being engaged by 30 to see just how upset I was. 

But, at the end of the day, I have accepted it and my life is better for it.  I know that we are working towards marriage.  I’ve opened up a wedding savings account that SO knows about, and he knows that I’ve started my wedding inspiration boards on Pintrest and told me to get some ideas together.  This has helped me A LOT, because now that I realize that I have a man in my life who I love, who does want to marry me (even though I clearly want now and he needs to wait a bit, probably to save for the ring and finish school), I’ve just decided to move on with my life with the understanding that we are going to get married.  SO and I will do not want help from our families, so knowing that we are saving for it now has calmed me down a lot, and getting ideas together helps pass the time.

Good Luck!

Post # 15
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m not sure how grand a plan could be to justify waiting another entire year just to get engaged.  I’d let him know that what would make you the happiest is NOT some grand proposal, but rather getting married.  If he just bought the ring and proposed already, you could be married in a year!!!

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