Timeline Update – Part 2 – mother

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Kat_Kit2000:  I aso replied to your other post.

FMILs usually are upset you’re stealing their baby, and particularly when they’re the youngest! My FMIL was emotionally manipulative and kinda clingy, treating him like a baby and it’s takena  year and a half but now we actually have a reasonable relationship. Will have to see what happens when SO and I get engaged in the next few weeks…. :-s

P.S. Did you have your profile pic as an Adipose a while back? I remember seeing it and thinking you are awesome cos you’re a Whovian 😉 

Post # 5
Member
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Kat_Kit2000:  ! Doctor Who is awesome!!!!!!!! How can you not love David Tennant! 😛

Post # 6
Member
573 posts
Busy bee

I honestly believe it can be a mother-nest thing. Mymum is normal, normally but when my brother moved country to go to university she balwed her eyes out and went hysterical.  I was the first to go to university and do not knowhow she was after I left but she still had 2 teens at home.  Now my last brother is due to go (grades permitting) and I just know she’s going to be crazy again: I don’t blame her because it’s been linked to her identity for so long…she doesn’t know how to be someone other than someone’s mother.

Your SO’s mother seems like she’s been in this identity for so long because of oldest son still living at home and so she sees your SO’s moving as moving towards the end of that phase of her life.  It dos NOT justify the horrid things she said but I really do think it’s a think that can make some go a bit crazy for a while.

Just keep being polite and do not retaliate.  Just focus on you and your SO and I’m sure she’ll calm down.

Post # 7
Member
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

My FMIL is the total opposite, BUT I had a boyfriend prior to my current one whose mother said some pretty terrible things about me too (primarily that I was a bad influence on him, which was just so laughable and wrong, but that’s a story for another time). Eventually, she came around and I think like others have said, moms just don’t want to let go of their babies (he was the youngest child by a significant margin). I also think that when moms don’t like something their child is doing (in your case, moving out), they want to put the blame on someone else. Moms always want to believe their child is perfect and their child wouldn’t do anything to hurt them, so they place those negative feelings onto the next closest person, which is usually the SO. 

In terms of dealing with her in the future, as much as it sucks, just pretend like it never happened. Be the ideal future daughter in law. Show her that no matter what she says or thinks, you won’t stoop to her level.

Good luck!

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