Post # 1
I didn’t want to make either post too long, and since they’re kind of unrelated I figured I would separate them.
So with SO moving out into his own place, he hasn’t been on good terms with his mother. He’s the youngest of 3 sons and the second to move out (the middle son is married while the oldest lives at home). The mom is very over protective and doesn’t give my SO any space. He has a full time job that is in his career of choice and makes enough money to support himself and even me, partially.
To be blunt, his mom has been a bitch since he gave her the news that he’s moving out. She gave him the silent treatment for 2 weeks and wouldn’t even look at him. And when he tried to sit down and have a mature conversation with her she started badmouthing both him and me and saying some very nasty, mean, and hurtful things.
This woman has always been nice to my face. I thought we had a pretty good relationship. I’ve known her for nearly 4 years now. I went on vacations with her, celebrated birthdays with her, and been there when loved ones died. So I was absolutely in shock when SO told me the things she said about me and my family (whom she’s never met by the way) the day he tried to sit down with her. I have no desire whatsoever to see or talk to her any time soon. If someone can be so rude to me behind my back, how am I supposed to face her in person when I was led to believe she liked me for 4 years?
I tried not to get involved much in the fight between SO and his mom. I don’t want it to ever come to a “me or her” kind of situation. I believe family is very important. But at some point, how much trashtalk can I take?
SO thinks that she said all those negative things to hurt him and that because we got upset by them that “she won.” His mom is honestly a 60 year old child. She doesn’t think before she speaks and she makes threats she doesn’t mean (for example, when SO’s brother was getting married her go-to phrase whenever they made a decision she didn’t like was that she wasn’t going to come to the wedding. Was she there? Yes. And so was I).
How do I deal with this? Any other ladies in waiting/engaged/married with a crazy (future) mother in law?
Post # 3
@Kat_Kit2000: I aso replied to your other post.
FMILs usually are upset you’re stealing their baby, and particularly when they’re the youngest! My FMIL was emotionally manipulative and kinda clingy, treating him like a baby and it’s takena year and a half but now we actually have a reasonable relationship. Will have to see what happens when SO and I get engaged in the next few weeks…. :-s
P.S. Did you have your profile pic as an Adipose a while back? I remember seeing it and thinking you are awesome cos you’re a Whovian 😉
Post # 4
@alsgirl: Thanks for responding to both of my posts. I was beginning to think it was stupid or too personal of me to have posted them.
haha that actually wasn’t me. My SO is a Whovian lol (and so are my dad and brother lol) He tried to get me to watch it but I haven’t been able to get past the first episode lol
Post # 5
@Kat_Kit2000: ! Doctor Who is awesome!!!!!!!! How can you not love David Tennant! 😛
Post # 6
I honestly believe it can be a mother-nest thing. Mymum is normal, normally but when my brother moved country to go to university she balwed her eyes out and went hysterical. I was the first to go to university and do not knowhow she was after I left but she still had 2 teens at home. Now my last brother is due to go (grades permitting) and I just know she’s going to be crazy again: I don’t blame her because it’s been linked to her identity for so long…she doesn’t know how to be someone other than someone’s mother.
Your SO’s mother seems like she’s been in this identity for so long because of oldest son still living at home and so she sees your SO’s moving as moving towards the end of that phase of her life. It dos NOT justify the horrid things she said but I really do think it’s a think that can make some go a bit crazy for a while.
Just keep being polite and do not retaliate. Just focus on you and your SO and I’m sure she’ll calm down.
Post # 7
My FMIL is the total opposite, BUT I had a boyfriend prior to my current one whose mother said some pretty terrible things about me too (primarily that I was a bad influence on him, which was just so laughable and wrong, but that’s a story for another time). Eventually, she came around and I think like others have said, moms just don’t want to let go of their babies (he was the youngest child by a significant margin). I also think that when moms don’t like something their child is doing (in your case, moving out), they want to put the blame on someone else. Moms always want to believe their child is perfect and their child wouldn’t do anything to hurt them, so they place those negative feelings onto the next closest person, which is usually the SO.
In terms of dealing with her in the future, as much as it sucks, just pretend like it never happened. Be the ideal future daughter in law. Show her that no matter what she says or thinks, you won’t stoop to her level.