Post # 1
My parents are paying for just about everything for our wedding. My future inlaws are inviting at least twice as many people as my parents are, even after we asked them to make cuts. My parents are having to leave out people they wanted to invite, including my mom’s siblings. It’s not just that they have a bigger family than we do. They are inviting people like my future father-in-law’s boss. Needless to say, my parents are kind of annoyed. The guest count of 150 they were hoping for has swelled to 220.
Despite having to feed so many people, my mom had budgeted around $1500 for flowers. This may not sound like a lot, but we are planning to pay wholesale and simply put flowers in jars and milk glass bud vases, etc. My mom has also been growing different kinds of greenery in her garden that can be added in. Well, last week my groom’s mom informed me that they want to purchase the flowers for the wedding (she claims she read somewhere that it was their responsibility). I told my mom and knowing that my future in-laws have a son in college and are kind of on a tight budget, we agreed that we would have to reluctantly scale back the flowers a bit. My mom came up with a bare minimum estimate that came to $750. When I told my groom’s mother, she said “Oh, our budget for flowers is $500”. Now my mom is angry and says “Well, we wouldn’t need to have so many centerpieces if they hadn’t invited so many people!” and of course, I am now caught in the middle. Any advice on how I should handle this sticky situation? While my mom and I were willing to scale back the vision that we have been planning around for more than a year, we don’t want to abandon it altogether and have an all baby’s breath wedding. And my mom says silk flowers are not an option – she can’t stand them.
Post # 2
First issue I see here is the guest list… They get to give input but your parents can’t invite their freaking siblings??? And they’re paying? No. Do not let your inlaws steamroll you like that- it’s not right! And it’s not up to them. Tell them they get X slots and that’s all they can invite. Period. You’re the one sending out the invites yes? and paying? Your decisions.
For flowers it’s nice they want to contribute but 500 dollars isnt going to go far at all. Stick with your original budget and they can pitch in. 1500 is still tight but doable with DIY… 2000 is better though! Theit meager contribution does not mean they get control. Just say gee thanks! And have them cut a check to your mom… But leave them out of the budget/creative conversation.
Post # 3
Have invitations already gone out? I would put your foot down with your in-laws (and would have done so long ago). In no universe should your FFIL’s boss be invited over your aunts and uncles, especially when your parents are footing the bill.
If that’s not possible, if flowers are that important to you, I’d take the $500 from your in-laws and supplement it with the money your mom had originally budgeted for flowers. Otherwise I would just do flowers for bouquets, corsages, and boutonnieres and do non-floral centerpieces.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
It sounds like you need to stand up to FMIL and put your foot down. I don’t understand why your FFIL’s boss is getting an invitation but not your own aunt. That makes no sense. Have invitations/STDs gone out? If they haven’t I would tell her that she needs to scale her guest list back. Also, can you do something else instead of flower centrepieces? You could do candles or something … Our budget is actually $500 so $1500 is a lot to me lol. Your FMIL is certainly getting away with a lot, it seems.
Post # 5
My parents offered a generous amount of money for our wedding, which most of it will go to the reception. However, my mom talked with my FIs mom and they agreed that each side will pay for their own guests. This was due to my side of invites (family/friends) only being about 20% of our guest list – and the rest being family/friends of my FIs side. This was where things got sticky when we first talked about guests lists/budget. Thankfully – this agreement happened and things are all good in the world. However, we do still have a set number of seats – but hopefully will not have to excede if more happen to be added.
In terms of flowers… like the PP said, you may be best just getting what you need. Bouquets, bouttonieres, corsages for anyone that needs one. I’m forgoing much else on flowers, except for a couple vases here and there. Plus, I’m using silk flowers so that saves some money too.
Post # 6
Like the others, I am not clear if invitations have already been mailed. If not, it’s time for somebody in your famiy to grow a backbone and give the FIL’s a number of guests they can invite. Ask them to prioritize their list or you will have to do it for them.
As for the flowers, divide up the funding. Use the FIL’s money to buy some of the flowers, eg the bouquets, boutonnieres etc, then stick to your original plan for the rest of the flowers.
Post # 7
Like others, I’d worry first about who’s invited.
We spent $400 on flowers for my wedding and had enough flowers for five bouquets, seven boutonnieres, and centerpieces for the tables. Our wedding was smaller than yours, though, so you’re going to have to spend more money on flowers than $500. See what that will get you, and then explain to your future in-laws that while their generosity is absolutely appreciated, you’re going to have to supplement their budget with your own money. Then do so.
Post # 8
My FI’s side has more people too, but if we could not provide the wedding we wanted to have for all the guests everyone wanted to invite, something would have had to give. I’m not a fan of no pay, no say exactly, but I do think that if your groom’s parents expect something that is not in line with the reality of your budget, then they need to adjust expectations or come up with the difference.
ETA: we have made some sacrifices/compromises that I can live with. We didn’t book my dream photog for 5k, and we’re not having real flowers, and we’re using centerpieces provided by the venue in place of our original hand-blown glass plan. It’s all about prioritizing everyone’s wants and compromising.
Post # 9
ginarm: Why can’t you take her $500 and put it towards a larger number? If you originally planned $1,500 for flowers, consider now that you’ll only have to pay $1,000 and FMIL will pay $500.
It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Tell her to write you a check for the flowers and she’s done! Voila! If you don’t like what she has planned then say no. JUST SAY NO.
Post # 10
Like all the PPs, this is about more than just flowers!
This warrants a very serious convo w/ your future in laws (w/ FI in tow) to talk about budget and guest list. Just because they want to invite someone doesn’t mean you automatically put them on the list.
My FMIL gave FI a list and HE edited it 🙂 Voila. I have had the same argument with my mom (about inviting too many people) but it is more difficult since they are helping a bit with money.
Post # 11
If your inlaws are not footing the bill, they get told how many people they can invite. Anything above that, they need to pay. That simple. If your parents are paying, they have some control here.
Post # 12
I have to agree with everyone else. You have 1 major problem and its not the flowers. I would be having a serious discussion with you FI about the guest list. We drew a “relationship line” in our guest list, if we didnt have a certain relationship (ex: saw more than once a year, had a full-fledged conversation with them in the past year, etc) they weren’t invited. I would have your FI edit his parents guest list (if possible at this point).
As for the flowers, I would add the $500 from your FMIL to your existing budget if you can. Explain to her that $500 isnt enough, but you’d gladly have her pitch in for the floral budget. If its all or nothing, something has to give. I had all silk flowers and it cost me about $200 total for everything and i still have my bouquet (thats why I picked silk!). So you either have to stick to only necessary flowers, or do some real & some silk.
Post # 13
I feel like I’m in the SAME boat with my FMIL. I’ve told her about 2 different ways they will need to pay for additional guests and she’s made it clear they won’t or can’t. So, I will have to be having another talk with her and it will be the last one. Thankfully, my Fi is totally on my side and agrees with me!
if real touch or silk flowers is something you would consider I would go with that. I’ve never been into spending thousands for something that will die.
Post # 14
What about DIY’ing your flowers???
I did that thru Flower Moxie, and it turned out AMAZING! I did it under $600. I sent them my Pinterest board, and how many vases and bouquets I needed, and they did the math for me and I only had a little bit left over which worked because I had forgotten about my guest book table.
You can watch the video tutorials here which helped me: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClsNpgOV72CWs5QpAOCJr5g