Post # 1
I want to know everyone’s opinions on a tip jar at a wedding reception that is an open bar. My father made it very clear to the wedding coordinator for our hotel reception there are to be no tip jars out. I had never actually thought about this as the last wedding I went to was an open bar (the norm in my area) and there was a tip jar. We are paying $26 per person already for the open bar plus 20% mandatory gratuity for the total cost of the food/beverage. Also, we paid another $160 for a second bartender and bar station for the night (our hotel only includes 1 bartender per 100 guests- we have 78- and my dad didn’t want anyone waiting more than a few minutes for a drink so he added the second bar). Plus my father told me he will “take good care” of the bartenders and the guests shouldn’t have to.
What do you all think about the tip jars?
Post # 2
I HATE this. I made sure my venue didn’t do it. If we are paying you $10,000 in gratuity then some of that should be tips for the bartenders, sorry. However, many venues here in my area do it even the upscale ones.
Post # 3
A tip jar to me says that the hosts aren’t capable of taking care of the bartenders. Your dad is right. Your guests shouldn’t feel obligated to open their wallets.
Post # 4
If you’re paying the tip, then it’s inappropriate for the bar to have a tip jar. I’ve been to an event with an open bar, and the bartender put his own jar out. It’s confusing, because tip jar signals that the bartender is not otherwise being tipped. Usually, hosts cover all tips, so I think sometimes they try to get double tipped.
Post # 5
I do not think I have been to a wedding where there was not something out for tips. Granted, the jar did not read/have writing screaming ‘TIP JAR!!!’. I, for one, have always thrown a $10/$20 bill into the jar at every wedding, but I do it when the bartenders are sorta ‘watching’ me too, because at every wedding, that same bartendar has been VERY quick to get me a drink, or to automatically make the drink I order when they see me coming 🙂 (That statement makes me sound like a bit of an alcoholic, but I swear, I just really enjoy the extra special service!).
I guess it does not bother me per se, but perhaps because I am used to seeing it, etc.
Post # 6
Yeah I normally do not carry cash when I go out especially for weddings or other such events so I always felt awkward when I saw a tip jar and didn’t have money. I never even thought about the fact that they are getting double tipped if guests are tipping plus the hosts already paid gratuity! Now I definitely understand his point more.
Post # 7
Tacky and trashy. Since I am already paying 18% in gratuities, there should be no tip jar.
Post # 8
OUgal0004: I tend to do the exact same thing when I’m out at a bar or on vacation so the bartender gives me a little extra attention but I never thought about doing it at a wedding. I see the logic though!
Post # 9
future.mrs.koban: This was a big issue for me at my wedding. We had a plan in place with our caterer and their staff to tip the bartenders at the end of the wedding, and it was in their contract that they would not have a tip jar. I think it’s wrong to ask people to tip at an open bar. However, at my wedding, the bartenders put out a tip jar and since I never went to get a drink myself, was unaware until about 2 hours before the wedding was over. I was able to remove it then, but was pretty embarrassed that it had been out almost the entire wedding. I’m just not a fan.
With that said, both my husband and our friends have gone to a lot of weddings, and the general concensus has been that they don’t find it unusual to tip at open bar and they’ve come to expect it, so I don’t really think there is a right or wrong answer etiquette wise.
Post # 10
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
future.mrs.koban: I don’t think anyone should have a tip jar out. If people want to give tips, they will leave them there. I hate it when I go really anywhere and see that.
Post # 11
gelaine22: I agree. We are already paying a hefty gratuity for all services. We do not want to see tip jars and I do not want our guests to feel obligated to tip anyone.
Post # 12
whitums: If I had that in my contract and found out the bartender still went ahead and set himself out a tip jar I would def be pissed. Smart thinking though to have it in the contract (even though the bartender didn’t listen)
Post # 13
I don’t think tip jars are that common around here, most people just throw a buck or two down on the bar after they get their drink. I don’t think a jar is very polite but I wouldn’t be offended by it.
Post # 14
future.mrs.koban: Been to many weddings in which there was some sort of area on the bar for tips. Whether in a jar, on the bar itself, or in a basket. Idk what each bride & groom does when it comes to tipping (some may take care of the staff, others might not). Figured I’d always rather cover my ends and tip the staff. I don’t mind. I often find it expected, even at a wedding. It’s just something I figure into my cost as an attendee. But if you think it looks tacky, by all means tell them. Let them know you dont want to give that impression to the guests. Seems as though you guys will do more than enough to make sure everyone is compensated for their hard work.
Post # 15
future.mrs.koban: Before this thread, I never gave this any thought. At every open bar I’ve been to, I’ve always tipped for a drink, whether or not there was a jar. However now that I think about it, I’m hosting an open bar and paying a 20% gratuity for all services. The more I think about it, the more annoyed I get at the thought of a tip jar or glass being put out there. Thanks to this thread, I’m going to make sure to discuss this with my planners and the next vendor meeting.
I’d rather just let my guests tip if they want to without the silent suggestion/encouragement of a tip jar.