- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
So, FI and I have been together almost 4 years. His mom, 21-yr-old brother, and 16-yr-old sister live in the same town as us, so we see them pretty regularly. We used to live only a couple blocks away, and saw them probably 2-3 times a week, sometimes more, but now we see them (together, FI sees them a bit more, but not much) probably once every few weeks.
FMIL’s and I’s relationship is….idk. Not bad, she’s always nice to me when I come over, but it feels like that ‘polite’ niceness. We don’t really chat much, and when we go over to her house, there are many times where I end up in the living room alone with the dogs (5 of them) while FI and his mom chat in the kitchen about whatever FMIL wanted to talk to him about. FI insists that his mom likes me, and that she enjoys having me around, but I’m just unsure.
I’ve tried asking her if she needs help while cooking dinner, and she usually replies “no, that’s ok, I’ve got it”. When I try to wash my own dishes after some casual dinner/lunch, she goes “oh thats ok, just leave them in the sink, i’ll do them later”. When the 3 of us are in the car together and FMIL is driving, sometimes FI will offer me the passenger seat, but I usually decline because when I do, she still spend her time talking to FI. I chime in on things, but it’s hard to be in the conversation much because she always wants to talk about how she ran into so-and-so from the neighborhood, or how this gossipy thing about people I don’t know happened. FI will try to talk to me, and ask how my day went or something, so I talk about that, and FMIL usually has minimal input/comments on what I’m saying.
I’m just having a hard time I guess. I read about all of these girls who have great relationships with their FMILs, and they go out to lunch, and are all like “my FMIL loves me, and she’s so nice”,and I just wish I had that. Or at least if she was a monster-in-law, then I could avoid her as much as possible and be done with it. But she’s not a monster, I just feel like we’re still practically strangers.
She doesn’t work, except driving around a special-needs woman a few hours a week, and even then she just takes the woman to do her own errands, because, she says, “Emily (name changed) really just needs to get out of the house, so it doesnt matter where we go.” I have absolutely no idea what she does with the rest of her day, and FI never does either when I ask him. She’s always doing errands and seems to have a project going on, but doesnt ever seem to get anything done at the house. She does love dogs, and is involved with a rescue dog foster program where she sometimes goes to various shelters around the state and picks up dogs to foster for a few days, and then drives them to their adoptive homes. She isn’t the type of woman who gets together with girlfriends for lunch, I’m not sure if she even has friends who are in this state. She talks to alot of people online through the rescue dog group. She also doesn’t like to spend money, and is very frugal. Like her idea of “grabbing some lunch” is swinging by McDonald’s and using some coupons from the newspaper, rather than getting a sandwich at a local outdoor eaterie(which there are many of here!) She’s actually very similar to my mother in that neither of them really have friends, or very many hobbies, or things they can do with other people.
Anyway, I’m sorry for the huuuuuuge post. This has just been something that’s bothered me for awhile, and even more so now that FI and I are engaged, and this woman is going to be in my life forever! Any tips, advice, or stories would be greatly appreciated!! 😀