(Closed) Tips for Dealing With Divorced Parentsposted 6 years ago in Family
- 6 years ago
- Wedding: February 2013 - Mansion House at the MD Zoo
Couold you repost? The link isn’t working and I need all the tips I can get.
- 6 years ago
Thanks for telling me- not sure what is going on
3 Easy Tips For Getting Cooperation From Divorced Parents On Your Wedding Day
Ahh, the lovely “parent trap”—involving divorced parents so they can amicably join-in the wedding planning festivities, and the wedding day itself. As if wedding planning wasn’t stressful on its own, add divorced parents (sometimes on both sides of the couple) into the mix, and you’ve got some potentially sticky areas to manage. As a wedding planner, I’ve seen plenty of difficult family situations, and wanted to offer 3 keep-the-peace tips to help navigate dilemmas when dealing with divorced parents.
1. Here Comes The Bride – One of the easiest ways to smooth the way for a drama-free wedding, is to decide early on in the planning how things will stand with regard to decision making. I know that it’s fun to start the planning process by spending hours on Pinterest, dreaming of gowns and chocolate ganache wedding cakes, but trust me—speaking to those involved well advance of the wedding will encourage their participation to put their ill feelings aside because everyone will know what’s expected. For example, if you’re having a hard time deciding between your father or your step-father in escorting you down the aisle, don’t wait a week or two before the wedding to announce your decision—you will surely have hurt feelings and plenty of unnecessary stress.
2. Getting Close: The Receiving Line, Photographs, and Seating – If you have decided (because you’ve read tip #1 above) that you would like to have a receiving line to welcome guests immediately after your ceremony, then how should you incorporate divorced parents in the receiving line? Tradition encourages that if the parents are hosting the wedding, then they should stand in the receiving line; if both the bride and groom’s parents are hosting, then both sets would be in the line. The best rule of thumb to offer here, is to never have a parent stand next to their ex-spouse, so alternate the line-up. The same rule of thumb can be offered for photos—unless your parents are cordial and are on speaking terms, you may want to skip the photo together with your divorced biological parents, and instead have a photo taken with each parent and their respective spouse. During the reception, have separate “family” tables.
3. Parent Dances – If either of you are uncomfortable/estranged from your parents, then really, don’t get worked up about the mother/son and father/daughter dances. It’s not expected that you both have to do this tradition, or it’s not unheard of to just have one dance (i.e., the groom and his mother dance but not the bride and her father). If you’re having a rather difficult time deciding because you feel equally close to both, your biological parent and your step-parent, try one of my favorite options—have a “parent dance” where you include both, stopping halfway through the song to switch to the other parent.
In closing, drama sometimes manifests because your parents/step-parents/future step-parent are trying to be a part of this milestone event in your life, and everyone “wants a piece” (an acknowledgement) so to speak. Consider that you may not have much time mingling with individual guests, but you will look back on your wedding day with many memories shared between you and your family members, so try to be neutral and as inclusive as possible with regard to everyone’s comfort level. A wedding has many layers, many emotional choices and decisions to be made, and if feeling overwhelmed, a couple may make a poor choice, and look back later with regret. Do yourself a favor, and consider hiring a professional wedding planner to help you with any difficult decisions you may be having—they’re not just for coordinating the day-of, finding vendors, or making the venue look stunning. Most planners offer couples a complementary initial consultation where you can learn about the many benefits of using his/her services. You might be surprised what they can really do for you at rates that are worth your peace of mind.
This article was submitted by Christine Ringuette, owner, Down The Aisle, LLC Wedding Planning and Design.
The topic ‘Tips for Dealing With Divorced Parents’ is closed to new replies.