Post # 1
Does anyone have any tips for how to say sane over the holidays?
I’m struggling with MY family. There are always unreasonable request and/or expectations.
I’m working on my boundaries and being ok with saying no. But, it drives me bonkers and stresses me out to no end (I guess I need a lot more work in the boundaries department!!).
I’m mostly struggling with when to say no, where to draw the line, etc. And, quite frankly, I’ve been dreading Christmas ever since the huge blow up of the season last year.
To make matters most, Darling Husband is dreading time with my family – to the extend that one Christmas day we might go our separate ways for awhile.
The issue is mostly with my sister. My mom is fine when she’s by herself, but add my sister’s influence and it gets extremely unpleasant.
Anyway – would love to know if anyone has any coping tools, how you get through tough and emotionally draining family type situations, etc.
Post # 3
My grandmom is very rude and mean and frequently makes mean comments to my Darling Husband, so my strategy around her (I only see her once or twice a year) is to keep Darling Husband out of the conversation and just physically avoid her. I usually say hello and goodbye, but otherwise I am in a different room. I will make sure to have at least one quick convo, usually complimenting her on her outfit or something to keep it as upbeat as possible, but then I suddenly need to use the bathroom or whatever to get away.
Post # 4
@moderndaisy: I like the quick polite conversation and then you are done! 🙂 Nice work! 🙂
Unfortunately, my family is small (include Darling Husband and myself, there will only be six people present) so it’s a tad trickier to avoid the drama. I’m thinking I’ll do Christmas Eve dinner and then maybe a couple hours on Christmas day….
—-> I mostly am trying to figure out how to fight that intital “O-M-G, you are INSANE” feeling and go from that to calm, cool, and collected. Any ideas?!?! Count to 10 before speaking, etc… haha
Post # 5
my mom drives me crazy, so w/o a few drinks, my nerves are on edge and it’s challenging to keep calm.
but it’s a catch 22 because I’m worried that my dad will not approve of the drinking. I am capable of drinking responsibly, but my dad will only have one beer and I feel like he notices when I have a few. I’m 36 and I’m still seeking dad’s approval! but it’s because I love him.
I love my mom too of courrse, but aaaaaaargh, she can make it so challenging. even my SO, who is extremely patient and cheerful– even he can’t handle her sometimes.
Post # 6
i’m dreading the holidays… we spent a fortune on tickets, we have to fly literally 3000 miles, i have to take a ton of time off work, and i dont even want to go. i’m hoping that we stay busy, distracted, and my mom is too busy picking on my brother and his fiance to be mean to me. otherwise, i will smile and nod, disengage, and drink heavily. oy… so looking forward to our first married holiday next year!
Post # 7
hmmm…. I’m sensing a theme of drinking heavliy to compensate. Problem is – I’m scared that I’ll overreact even MORE or do/say things I wouldn’t normally do (more like eye-rolling, or snarky comments) if I have a couple drinks in me.
Post # 8
We are expected to travel to 3 states in one day, which is what we did last year, and having to deal with family on top of that drives me insane. So I totally understand what you are dealing with!
My strategy is to let things go in one ear and out the other. If I let myself get upset over the small, annoying things that theyre saying then i will slowly lose my mind. I also try to avoid those horrendous family members who only say mean things, but its tough because my family is very small. For example, my grandmother is very rude and has no filter. So I plan to keep the conversation very neutral with her and not talk too much about personal things. It sucks..but I otherwise I will go insane.
I also will be drinking wine throughout the day 🙂
Post # 9
@oracle: I’m an extremely silly / happy drunk so it doesn’t worry me.
here is a different tactic that works well for me, but it’s extremely morbid: I remind myself that my mom is getting older and how sad I will be when she’s gone. it helps me be way more patient.
and/or there’s an old trick that’s hokey as all hell but it works: when somebody is being irritating, I smile. I swear it seems to have a mood elevating effect on me. but when I’m irritated, it is just so hard to even pretend to smile!