- 4 weeks ago
I want to get a “must have” guest list tentatively down so that we can figure out our budget. I thought that $10,000 might be enough, but with catering costs and my spread-out-across-all-states family that my FI and I have, we talked and we’re thinking at least $15,000. We both don’t want to be tied down to a price when it comes to family.
I am in my last year of graduate school (internship year), and my FI is planning on graduate school whenever I land a Full-Time job. We don’t want to have a super expensive wedding, but we ALSO don’t want to exclude anyone based on money who we really want to be there.
We’re trying to stay within our means and refuse to pull loans. Our worry is the longer the guest list the higher the cost and the longer we have to wait to get married. FI has never wanted an elopement, and we’ve agreed that 100 is our ideal number for the amount of people coming, but we can slide one way or another.
My parents have offered to help pay for the wedding, but we don’t know how much they can offer and we don’t want to accept too much money because I’m pretty sure etiquette generally states that if someone is contributing that they get more control over the guest list? Someone please correct me if I’m wrong here.
So here’s what we have so far: 86 people from what we’ve tried to cut.
My dad doesn’t have many family members left so I didn’t want to invite all of my mom’s family without inviting some of my dad’s family even if we aren’t close. I feel guilty if I don’t invite Dennis’s family but I’d rather not add Tim’s family because I literally don’t know them.
If I were to invite all of my mom’s & dad’s family as well as all of my FI’s family we’d be at 165 guests at least. I’m worried about alienating family based on not inviting people, but we don’t want to invite family members we don’t interact with personally because this is not a family reunion, in our opinion.
I’ve always heard to invite the people you want there, but what happens when some of the people you don’t know are siblings to people you want there?
These are really what I’m trying to ask, I think:
1. With my mom’s opinion and my FI’s dad’s opinion being the “but they’re your family” explanation for everything, how do we proceed with not inviting family members who we don’t know?
2. How did you determine your guest list?
3. We started a “B-list” that has both friends and family on it, and our “A-list” has friends and family on it as well. Is that bad? Should we do “all family members regardless of whether we know/talk to them” first then do our friends later?
4. My FI’s BFF’s whole family (read: 2 parents, 2 sisters, and 1 grandma) is on our guest list because the BFF’s family is super close to FI, is this a problem when we’re cutting other family members we’re not as close to?
5. How do you explain to family that they’re not invited if they ask?
Please tell me I’m over-analyzing this!
I feel like this got really confusing, so if there’s clarification needed, let me know. I honestly may be just confused. I’m looking for any advice anyone could give me.
- This topic was modified 3 weeks, 3 days ago by chitoshi. Reason: Tried to cut out my rambling. Sorry!! :)