- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
OMW! J and I totally research wedding stuff online together too!
We use Skype, because 1) it's also free and 2) it has video! Since we're both mac users, our computers have built in webcams :) it's soooo nice seeing his face.
I also write him love letters when I really miss him, or when I want to tell him random stuff. Sometime I'll email him, but if it's something random that doesn't really need a reply (i.e. I saw the cutest puppy on the street today and it made me think of you and how someday we'll get a dog together...), I write him letters and mail them. He loves getting them, because they're so much more special than just an email. He has yet to write any back, haha, but I don't have high expectations so I'm not disappointed ;)
WeddingBee has been something of a coping mechanism too; he wants a big, beautiful wedding (I wanted to elope), so everything I plan/brainstorm is an act of love, hehe.
The #1 tip for me was to always make sure you have your next trip planned and booked.
I actually didn't mind not knowing when our next trip would be... but I learned that not everyone is as comfortable with that kinda uncertainty.
When we had our next trip planned and booked, there was always something specific to look forward to! That helped a lot... :-)
always having the next phone call planned helps us too! The fime difference means we can only talk once a week, so that might not apply as much for everyone else :)
One time when I was feeling really down because I was having trouble getting my visa, he started sending me pictures of himself when he was a child. I had never seen those pictures, and it was a cute surprising thing that I looked forward to every day. It was like...even though we couldn't directly experience the present together, he was trying to catch me up on my past which strangely kept our relationship moving forward.
Oh! And I wanted to tell a story about my Canadian friend who met her British husband in Scotland. He was in the British Navy...a submarine guy...and he went into a SUBMARINE for EIGHT!!! months. She never knew where in the world he was. He would call her every so often and say 'I'm in Singapore!' or 'I'm in an undisclosed location, but I'm alive!' It was crazy. She couldn't even get regular or long emails from him because of email restrictions on the sub. They wrote diary entries to each other all the time, took pictures, and then posted them to each other regularly. It was a really hard time not knowing where he was in the world, but now they have a collection of daily logs to look back on and remember their relationship during that time. In fact, even though they are married, they are still on two different continents - she's teaching in Libya, and he's working in the UK. Very soon she will get her UK residence visa and for the first time in 3 years they will be living on the same continent!
Holy cow... that submarine relationship takes the cake! I feel bad for ever complaining now...
I totally agree about the random emails, old pictures and love letters. Even on a dire day, an unexpected little serendipity like that can make everything better. Sharing these things really does bring you closer, I think. When you can't physically be in touch, you can 'touch' in this way.
Spike and I love to 'dedicate songs' to one another by emailing YouTube links. We do exchange cards (I always spray mine with perfume and cheesily leave a big lipstick kiss on them) and packages. We have actually gotten kind of lax on this stuff since the engagement, I think we're coasting!
I find that little rituals mean a lot to both of us. Whenever we sign onto Yahoo Messenger, we exchange animated emoticon kisses. Every day he 'sings me to him' with a verse from our song, and he must tell me that he loves me to the moon and back again every day. I think this gives us some comfort and continuity.
We just started to do the LDR thing after 4+ years of dating. We have to do it for a year and we'll end up being married for half of that time. Other than what others have mentioned, we made sure we had money to visit about every 4-5 weeks. We cut back on other things and just lowered our salaries (in our heads) by the cost of visiting, even if just a weekend. As a result we have our next 3 trips planned, and we only think of it as being "long distance" for the period of time in between trips.
The other thing that helps is constant texting/emailing throughout the day, to know what is going on with one another, and how our day is going. Sometimes at the end of the day you don't want to do a long "debrief" because you're tired, well even if that happens we've already caught up with each other quite a bit so it's not so bad. We usually will have one long conversation over the weekend (2-3 hours) but for the most part, it's 45 mins here and there and sometimes not about anything substantial :)
Another thing we do is, we watch tv together! The wonders of the internet, years ago this would've been impossible. Now we Skype (almost every day, though sometimes we just talk on the phone) and watch Hulu.com at the same time. We used to "chill out and watch tv with dinner" a lot when we lived in the same apartment, so this keeps a little bit of normalcy in the relationship. We watch the same shows, but now we're usually in bed (he has a roommate) and in our computers, instead of the couch. We "sync" it so that we're watching the show at the same time and can see the other person's reaction on the Skype window. I had to get faster internet (1mbps upload for DSL) to make sure this worked, but it's been really helpful.
Oh and the last thing I think has actually been wedding planning!! We joke that we don't know what we'll do when it ends. I'm doing the bulk of the planning, but he has tasks that he's doing, and I tell him what I'm planning and he gives me his opinions etc. So there is some back and forth, and definitely things to talk about / decisions to be made and discuss. I think without that topic it's going to be a lot harder because it will remind us both of how much we miss each other and wish we were together, whereas now we have "business" to talk about. He says that when the wedding planning is over we will pick topics and discuss them, maybe right out of the newspaper. Should be interesting :) But talking about non-realtionship things I think is important, even if it's the wedding which is (eventually) aobut the relationship.
Wow - that was long! Hope that helps someone, and I'm looking forward to seeing more tips!
Daily diary emails were great for us when DH was deployed. We only got 30 minutes of talk-time a week and we didn't want to spend it talking about something stupid =].
Definitely video-time. It helps to see a face.
We also texted a lot, except when he was deployed.
For deployments, care packages are the ultimate way to help you feel better. I loved packing them up for him and tried to send one off as often as I could. I'd just pick up things over a few weeks whenever I thought about him.
Other than this...it's just a matter of psyching yourself into it. You can get stuck in a depressed mood or you can find something positive to fill that void in your life. If you find a positive hobby or something to keep you busy, you feel fulfilled in other ways, and the void in your heart that your SO used to fill doesn't hurt so bad. It's true, I promise! It's all about distracting yourself and not sucuuming to too many blue days.
I agree with @ejs4y8. When you are distracted everything is a little better. Though it's easier said than done. The important thing is to have something to look forward to (spending the holidays together or even your anniversary!). A plan for where the relationship is going if you aren't yet engaged is also important. Snail mail is also a great way to stay in touch. I once had my BF's favorite pizza delivered to his office for no reason... he loved it! So the more random you are, the better :)
Great post! FH lives in the UK and often we have some pretty big gaps in between but wencam has been a saving grace for us! Sometimes we talk while on the cam or sometimes we just go along with whatever were doing but it just feels good to be "together." The new thing Im working on is a book called The Book Of Us and basically it is our love story in journal format! This Christmas will be out first one apart (plane tickets were insane this year) so I wanted to do something really special so Im sending him this book. I know he will love it and what makes it even better is that as we grow we continue the story for the next stages of our lives! click here to check out the book.
I completely agree with what MrBee and other said about already having you next trip booked. Since we usually drive to each other, we at leat try to have a time frame like he comes in Dec, I'll go in March, he'll come in May, etc...
This makes it easier for us to always anticipate seeing each other :) And the phone of course has been a life line. I don't know how it would have worked if we didn't have the same cellphone provider... Free "In" calling! :) definitely saved on expenses :P
@Bamm your submarine relationship friend is amazing! I don't think I could have done that :-/
Lots of great tips... most of them seem to have to do with communication :) which is awesome, because I think learning to communicate well is a HUGE benefit of LDRs!
We talk everyday on the phone, our mobile phone contracts have this deal that if you pick a favourite number that's on their network, you can talk for an hour for the cost of a minute :D
Decide on something to do when you're together, if you stay in all day watching tv or whatever the day goes nowhere and it feels like time to go home comes around too quickly
You both have to want it for it to work, if someone isn't pulling their weight in the relationship it shows bigtime. We make time to talk to each other every night, ask about each other's days, send each other funny links on the internet, just stuff that makes it feel like you're not missing out on their life by being away from them.
Recently I've been making a big effort for him. I've been putting on more make-up when I know i'm going to see him, I bought him pick n mix and a dvd for us to watch one weekend, this weekend I've cooked a 3 course meal and we've gone to a nearby city for a shopping trip together, on top of that i surprised him with tickets to see one of the most popular comedians in the country. I just like to let him know that I care and making the extra effort is worth it for him.
OMG MissMelon, what a great idea!! I'm so ordering FI pizza! hopefully on a day he doesn't have lunch from work ...
IM, Facebook and an unlimited cell phone plan. Also, write love letters to each other. e-mail is fine, but me and Mister have made it a point to mail the letters to each other at least weekly. We both have old souls and just find something romantic about receiving love letters sprayed in our favorite scents. :-)
We played games via skype and us having the same board game (sorry, monopoly).
When he went on deployment I used non sticky post-it notes to write a reason I loved him, missed him, reasons i fell in love with him, inside jokes, funny things that had happened to us. HE loved it!
I also write a diary about our relationship.
We use Skype! Everyday when we're doing homework or whatever, we have Skype on in the background. It's just nice to know that he's "there" even if we're not talking. Of course we talk sometimes though. And I've found that we get to the routine so we have to call each other sometimes so we actually focus on each other and not the internet/homework. We also play online pool together (so fun and cheesy) and other online games via skype!
hubby will call me then we connect with skype which is free, even now that we are married we are still long distance because he has to back to the UK every 90 days til his visa gets processed; I really dislike being apart from him but I must say I feel more secure because we are married now; I feel happier because now I know we are really together and I dont have to just be sad about something uncertain
so we skype, he'll be england again til May 2011, you get used to it, it was horrible in the beginning we were always long distance we met in Times square; but being married makes a world of difference, I just feel like even if he is away I have peace of mind
Lots of great tips! SO and I did a lot of these same things when we were long distance. Now this sounds cheesy but sometimes we would take naps "together" on the phone, we were never like "ok, now we will nap" but we'd just get in bed and talk and fall asleep on the phone. Being able to hear the other person breathe (ok, kinda sounds creepy) was really comforting. Also, I always had a shirt of his that he would give me when I saw him, unwashed of course so it smelled like him! I slept with it every night of our time in different cities.
A few years ago, I was in a LDR with a guy from England. It was really strange, because I heard from him on a more constant basis than I ever heard from any of my boyfriends that lived in the same city...
What worked for us was video chats online. Skype was a huge help too, because we were able to send each other text messages for a lot cheaper than we could with our regular mobile carriers. We emailed a lot also.
Me & my fiance' started our LDR in Feburary after over a year of dating. We will be "reunited" & married in August 2012.
Mr. Bee makes an excellent point: always have a plan for that next meeting.
So far we've been able to see each other once a month, but it will be very difficult once the my fall semester starts. 700 miles can be pretty daunting, but it always helps to have a date to look forward to. 490 days! Not that I'm counting...
:)
We talk all the time, too, mostly through text, but sometimes it can be hard to think of things to talk about! Both of our lives are pretty boring, so sometimes we really don't have much to say. We both realize this, but we don't look at it in a negative way. We both love each other very much, & will be together again one day...& for me, that's what matters most.
Hi!
I actually just started a thread trying to achieve the same thing before seeing this one! Oh well, the more there are the better!
I was involved in a Long Distance Relationship withmy fiance for about 2 and a half years. And when I say distance, I mean one hell of a long distance!
I am from South Africa and my fiance is from the States. When we met he was a marine stationed in South Africa. We were together for just over a year when he had to leave. The distance was terrible! I must admit, we had alot of ups and downs, including a few break-ups! We stayed in touch via telephone, e-mail and online chatting with webcam. Constant communication is one of the key elements to a successful LDR, but the most important things are LOVE and DETERMINATION! Remember, every relationship has its ups and downs so do not automatically blame the distance for the downs. It might contribute somewhat, but take it as a normal relationship dispute that would have happened anyway. Once you start blaming the distance, you start losing hope and that is when you or more likely your partner just throws in the towel. Makethe effort to see each other once in a while! I was on the other side of the world but I MADE a WAY to get to him in Hong Kong AND The States without any financial help from him. I sold things and raised the funds to travel ALL BY MYSELF for the first time. You need to put in EVERYTHING you've got. When I went to the States, we had broken up just before. But I went anyway because I already had my ticket (lol), but mostly because I still had that desire to see him and knew that the dispute was just a petty one. When I got to the airport in the States, it was like we never broke up! You see, the love is always there in LDR's. Sometimess it's just hard to see and at times, feel, cos you are apart. So once again, make that effort to see him/her! Remind yourselves of the love and passion you have for each other.
Today we are living together in South Africa. He made this decision while I was visiting him in the States. We celebrated our 8 year anniversary (2 and a half years of which was long distance) and now we are getting married next year and I am SOOOOO excited.
You can check out my story in more detailon our wedding website:
Our entire relationship has been long distance has been long distance, so we have done the same as PPs.
All of those definitely help! Also, his family is so sweet and does their part to make me feel involved. For instance when everyone gets together for a family dinner they all text me at once to let me know I'm missed. LDR's are super hard, but it's definitely worth it!
My bf and i have dated for 16 months LD. We met when I went up to Philly for a work trip, so we started off knowing it would be long distance....
We see each other every month and talk every day on the phone.
What works for us:
1.) I found a site where you can make your own dirty mad libs and would send him naughty stories ;) lol... that was fun...
2.)We both have apple's so we can use FaceTime to see each other when we talk.
3.) I call him whenever I hear our song on the radio, and will leave a vm singing the chorus to him.
4.) He will do a countdown of the days til we will be together on his FB page and update me with a weekly "status."
Basically, any relationship is work, but LD id HARDER work.... Good luck to all my fellow sisters ;)
@BermyChick: whats the dirty madlibs link?! we're LD and he's been having a tough time at work so i want to cheer him up!
FI and I have been in a LDR for three years. We live about 5 hours apart from each other, and both of our families live in the same city as me. These things have really helped us:
As much as I dislike being away from my FI so much, it has been beneficial. I've improved my communication skills and I have learned to appreciate doing the small things. One of my favorite things to do with him is go grocery shopping.
@BermyChick: LOL okay so i sent him one of those last night and we were cracking up like crazy. i did an "x-rated" one and when he called to talk i made him check his email and do the reply back thing so we could read it. he was like "what IS this? is it a virus?? ....... did you write this???" and we started reading aloud some of the lines. omg we were dying of laughter which, while that's not really the intention, still worked as a pick me up and i'm sure he'll read it more seriously later!
This is a great board <3
My SO and I are high school sweethearts; we met in senior year and have been together ever since. We went to different universities and managed to make that work, and now he's moved across the continent (from Toronto to Seattle) to start his career and I'm stuck behind without him for my last year of uni. We're used to long distance, but this is super long distance and the time difference (+/-3hrs) is surprisingly difficult to work around.
We do a lot of what everybody else on this board said. Skype is the best because unlike on the phone it doesn't feel like you -have- to be talking about important things to justify the long distance phone bill. Instead we just "hang out" together, cook together, play games together, do work/homework together.
Little emails and texts about our days are great too. They make me feel so special when he writes about something he can't wait to do with me (bring me here, walk the dog we're going to get together here, etc).
As hard as long distance is I think it is really helping me because we got together so young; he's the one for me, and I get to have my own life and learn how to be an adult on my own with my friends at the same time as being in a very serious relationship. It also taught him to communicate with me so much better - which I needed ;) I'm a romantic. I feed off of love notes, haha!
Having done it a rather fair amount my experience has been, I can keep it together for a solid year,(when only dating) after that..slowly but surely...
Tips I can offer, a few days before you are planning to meet, kick the steamy bits into higher gear (and do whatever mental prep you can on the ride over) since you dont want to have the first day or so being about adjustment if it can be helped
BEST TO YOU!
HeyTell is an app it works on most android phones and iphones. i guess any phone that can download apps. my fiances stationed out of the country this is a great way to keep in touch its like nextel. We use it all the time when skype isnt working.
@kperry3: My SO and I totally do the same thing! We talk a lot but often times we just have skype video in the background while we are doing our own work. We don't even talk to each other, but it feels nice just knowing we are studying together. All my friends and his friends think we're crazy though! Haha! I'm glad there are other people who do the same thing :) Also, sometimes we need to stop skyping and just phone call each other so we are actually focused on each other (we usually end up talking for hours).
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
Anyone care to share any tips that might help other LDR folks? Things that have worked for you and your SO?
I think the biggest aid for us in our LDR has been Internet voice chat. I am able to talk to my guy for hours a day, for free, using an instant messaging program and a headset. I don't know what we'd do without it. Those times one of us has been without a computer have been rough on the phone bills!
The downside is, you are tied to your computer (but maybe a wireless headset would fix that.) I think it's well worth it, and it gives us a good excuse to research wedding stuff together online.
Any other great ideas and helpful hints out there? I'd love to hear them.