Post # 1
Hi all, really just needed a place to vent today.
When Fiance and first got engaged wedding planning was fun, I’m an organizer so this is the perfect outlet for all my energy. Right after getting engaged I moved 12 hours to the same town as Fiance and started a new job. Both my job and FI’s jobs can be very demanding (his more so) and we’re both far from family and friends and planning a wedding 2 hours away (the nearest city that’s easy to travel to). I was feeling stressed about all that but my mom and I talked everyday and that seemed to help. Then my brother was killed in Afghanistan by an Improvised Explosive Device. We were very close.
My wedding was reallly supposed to be a celebration for his homecoming and was planned exactly around when he would come home. So now, my family is trying to heal, but wedding planning must continue. Today I’m frustrated because, I can’t be there for my sister in law as much as I’d like (she’s on the west coast). My mom is out visiting her and preoccupied with her (rightfully so!). My dad is a mess, he used to be the rock, but now he’s just not himself at all and it’s hard to talk to him about anything . My bridesmaids are scattered around the U.S., my maid of honor can’t come because she’s getting deployed, and the rest are so busy that we don’t get to talk much. I have friends in my new town but they all have 2-6 kids and just aren’t really available.
Meanwhile, my in laws just aren’t into weddings, but are really anxious and stressing me about the rehearsal dinner. And Future Mother-In-Law (who really is a sweetheart) keeps telling me I “must not have that much left to do.”
Then yesterday my family got an email from a family member (who we aren’t so close with due to some growing apart over the years) basically calling us selfish (for lots of reasons) including both mine and my brother’s weddings being in such faraway towns.
So, tomorrow I”m driving to Atlanta by myself to meet with my wedding planner, who I’m just not sure I jive with, to discuss the wedding that I’m too sad and lonely to plan.
Ok bees, that’s my downer for today. No need for responses just me venting. But don’t worry I still think there’s a lot to look forward to in life and I do have amazing friends and family, I’m glad I have such busy friends (more exciting than having boring friends)! I just need to get through this rough patch.
Post # 3
first of all, I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s heartbreaking and I send prayers from Allies across the Atlantic here in Scotland. So tragic, I hope you and your family are coping – I just want to give you a hug.
Regarding your wedding – most brides feel like this at some stage in their planning, never mind all the additional stress and grief you have on top of that. My advice would be, give yourself a break, seriously. Stop being so hard on yourself, you will never please everyone so ignore the family member who is being an ass.
Do you have a close friend on Bridesmaid or Best Man you can lean on for a bit of extra support while your family are coming to terms? Maybe she could come with you to appointments and things?
It’s hard to say the right things when you know someone is hurting, I just want tosay I’m sorry for everything you’re dealing with and I will pray for you. Time is a great healer, and I’m sure you’ll have a beautiful wedding. You’re not alone xx
Post # 4
I am so very sorry for you loss. This must be a hard time for your entire family, and I know it will be a bittersweet thread running through your wedding. I hope, though, that it can be a celebration of hope and renewal for all of you – that you can take some time to acknowledge the loss of your brother and honor his memory, and then raise a toast to the future and the fact that life goes on. Whatever you end up choosing to do with all the details of the wedding, the important thing is that it will be a chance for you to gather with your families. That’s really all that matters. I’m sorry that one family member doesn’t see it that way, but I hope that this can be a really special time for all of the rest of you to come together and draw strength from one another.
Post # 5
I just wanted to say that I am sorry for the loss of your brother. I can’t image dealing with that while in the process of wedding plannning.
As difficult as it may seem right now, just try to focus on the most important part: at the end of the day, you and Fiance will be married! Is there one part of the wedding that you are the most excited about? Maybe concetrate on those areas and let your planner take care of the tasks that you don’t enjoy.
Don’t feel selfish for wanting to have your wedding 2 hrs away! I have fought with my parents about this for my own wedding. They argued that a wedding that is 2 1/2 hrs away is a “destination wedding” and that my guest list would have to be cut dramatically. I disagreed: I have been to several weddings where the majority of guests had to drive up to 4 hrs. Guests enjoyed having a weekend away and everything was beautiful.
I wish you all the best! I understand that this process can be frustrating, but it will all be worth it in the end.
Post # 6
I’m so sorry about your brother. I completely understand why you are tired and frustrated. If possible, think of your brother and how he’d want you to continue the wedding planning. Plus I think it can help bring your family together during such a hard time to have a wonderfully happy event like a wedding. ((HUGS)) to you and your family for your loss.