Weddingbee boards

I've had anxiety my entire life and am usually pretty shy. The anxiety level waxes and wanes depending on the day, situation, pms, life in general. sigh.

And I do have days where I'm like "I'm Lady Gaga bitch and I'm not afraid of anything and I can do everything and I'm not going to let anyone stop me from conquering the world."

But most times I am pretty meek and I second guess myself and worry about EVERYTHING.

I do see a therapist and I am on anxiety meds, which definitely help matters, but there are still some days/situations where I just can't STAND what a chicken shit I am!

I'm afraid of the dentist, the dark, sharks, flying in an airplane, mazes, dying early, a close friend/family member dying, sleeping in the house alone, medical procedures, driving on the highway, oh it goes on and  on.

My fiance and I were talking today about me possibly getting a non-hormonal IUD inserted for birth control. I was all about the idea but the more I think about it, the more nervous I get. Like. I'm petrified. And he offered to go with me which was nice but I was just trying to convey to him how scared I was and he said, "Well, I know, because you're a chicken and pretty much afraid of anything new." He said it with a chuckle and I know he was trying to be funny and gentle but ... it really upset me and made me realize that most people see me as this weak, scared little girl and I DON'T want to be that way!!

Like I've been wanting a tattoo for YEARS ... but my fear is so great that I just can't bring myself to do it. And every time I back out I get so pissed off at myself.

The thing is, I do things now that I used to be afraid of years ago ... like going to a party/social gathering where I don't know a lot of people, confronting rude customers at work, standing up for myself, stuff like that. And I'm not afraid of a lot of things most women are afraid of ... like bugs, spiders, snakes, mice, getting dirty, rough housing, driving in the snow. Weird I know.

Maybe I'm just a weirdo. Maybe I'm just destined to be a chicken shit for the rest of my life. Maybe my "accomplishments" with my anxiety are just delusions. Should I change? Or just accept that this is who I am even though it upsets me sometimes? Ugh I have no idea.

Sometimes I swear I could be the next president of the US. Other times I'm afraid to leave my house.

WTF is wrong with me?  

I'm no therapist, but I think a lot of your fears are pretty common.  A lot of people are afraid of the dentist (I am!), the dark, sharks, airplanes, and dying. I'm petrified of bugs and spiders, so you are braver than me when it comes to that.  I'm afraid of driving on the highway too--I have this elaborate system of backroad routes to avoid the highway.  I feel stupid that I'm afraid of highways (I used to drive on them, I don't know where the fear came from all of a sudden), but then I say, why beat myself up over it, we all have issues.