maybe it is worth taking her to coffee and having a nice sit down talk. maybe she has something else going on in her life and is feeling overwhelmed... Idk, but you may be able to politely let her know what you expected of her and also hear her side to see if there is a reason she has been slacking...
I completely understand except ALL of my bridesmaids except one has been awful. Im not a bridezilla either at all, but they wont do anything even show up for a dress fitting!! Im kicking them out. If they are going to whine and bitch, they do not need to be standing up with me. I dont need the added stress and neither do you. Remember its YOUR day.
Ask her first if there is a reason for her behavior. If not definatley consider not having her stand up with you.
@ivoryowl: I have spoken with her and said that I felt she was being negative and I can't deal with that energy at this time. And she is the type of person that doesn't see what she's doing. She may think it's coming off nice but it's not. There are people out there that really don't think they have said anything wrong and just can't see it. I just don't know how to approach it anymore. She has never acted like this until I asked her to be in the wedding than crazy began coming out of the woodwork.
Forget the second bachelorette party. If she doesn't want to go the main one, she doesn't go at all.
@paula1248: The issue is if she goes to the party she will not be happy and cause an arguement with the other girls, that's why I decided to have two so that I don't have to deal with the drama.
can you cut her from the list and find somwione else? i dont think u need 2 have 2 bachelertte party just because of her, you can just ask her to come or forget about it. the wedding is about you. not her
Well, truthfully, no one wants to stand last in that bridesmaids line - all it shows is that you're less important than the ones before you, which doesn't exactly make you feel "honored." Maybe you're not as good of friends as you thought you were when you chose your BMs.
I know exactly how you feel! Except for me it my MOH!! All of my bridesmaids are great, but my sister is being a complete witch! :/ I reallllyy wish FI and I could just take my wedding dress to our honeymoon spot and get married there! lol Buuut everything is already paid for so I guess I will just do my best not to kill my sister before the wedding day! lol Hopefully you can have a sit down talk with the one girl and maybe work some stuff out.
Deep breath. Hang in there, the last leg can be stressful, but it will be worth it in the end. I'm sure all your girls will be loving and supportive on your wedding day. :)
@hisprettygirl: great, now i'm going to have a complex when making the line up for the bridesmaids. Someone has to be last, it's not because i think less of her, and I've never thought that when I'm at other weddings...is this common?
@hisprettygirl: That's absurd. If you're a bridesmaid, it's because you are one of the VIP's among the guests. If someone is overly sensitive about standing at the end of the line, that's just utterly ridiculous.
Besides, in my experience, usually the determining factor in how you order the bridesmaids/groomsmen is height. Aside from the MOH and BM whose places are predetermined, I've usually seen people get paired up based on how their heights match, and the order they walk in depends mainly on how they will be standing in the photographs.
Oh for crying out loud. All she needs to do is show up for the wedding in a pretty dress. Is it that big of a deal??
@hisprettygirl: how does it make you any less important to stand last?? I'm lining my girls up by height there is no rank of importance going on there. I had no idea people actually thought that
I wish my mother could read all of these bridesmaid horror stories and stfu about me not wanting bridesmaids for this reason!
@paula1248: +1
Honestly, I would just cut her. Do you want someone in your bridal party like that? I'd probably look back at the pictures, see her, and then remember all the negative stuff. I don't want to have that feeling when I look back at my wedding pictures. At the very least, tell her to cut the negativity out!
It's not that easy ladies. When I asked her to be in the wedding we were very close, now its been just weird. I can't just drop her because we live in very close proximity to each other. Note to self...never ask neighbors to be your bridesmaid.
@hisprettygirl: I disagree. My bridesmaids are in no particular order othen than obviously #1 is my MOH. I didn't put them in an order of who I am better friends with or who I've known longer. I just wrote them on a piece of paper as I was thinking of who I asked and that's that.
Yikes, didn't mean to offend so many people (or be offended by the responses!). In all the weddings I've been to, it was apparent that the BMs were "ranked" according to how close they were to the bride. This also happened last time I was a BM in a friend's wedding. Luckily I didn't come last, but it was obvious to all 10 of us that we were ranked. Thinking that I was closer than I actually was to her was hurtful. It definitely was a wakeup call to me about our friendship.
Overall, it seems you have two choices: cut her and be done with it, or keep her and grin/bear it. If I were you, I'd ask myself: Do I see us being friends in 5 years? Do I WANT us to be? If the answers are yes, keep her and make it work. Talk to her about the issues you're having and see how you can work through them.
If the answer is no, explain to her that you cannot count on her to stand by you on this important day. Explain to her the reasons. If you still want her to attend, tell her that she's still an important person in your life but because of her behavior, you will be having a smaller bridal party. Then, slowly let that friendship die out so you can focus on positive forces in your life.
Who the heck cares where you stand in line?!?! It's an absolute honor to be asked to be in someone's wedding. You gotta find out what her problem is because this isn't right. I want to kick her out and it's not even my wedding!
Tell her like it is and if she doesn't get along for you on YOUR DAY then you shouldn't get along for her and cut her loose!
@hisprettygirl: Wow! I've heard of this being done but what an awkward thing to have happen to you! DH chose how he wanted his groomsmen then I did the BM by height. One had never been in a wedding before so I picked the groomsman who I thought would put her at ease the most. Do you think ranking by favorite is a common practice? It would be interesting to know!
I just hope none of my BM thought I was playing favorites. Yikes!
I do somewhat disagree with one statement in this - about this being you and your fiances day.. I mean, it is! That I agree with. But, you still have to take into account all of your guests, and their feelings, this includes your bridal party. Obviously, her being last in line is making her feel somewhat [unwanted]? Maybe you could give her a more important role, like the first toast? Find something that speaks to her. Afterall, you would not have chosen her unless she was close to you.. [or you were desperate for more girls?]. Let's hope it's the first.
Thank you all for your help ladies. Shit really hit the fan last night! She came over when I had other guests in my home and was being very nice at first than started throwing low blows towards me in front of my guests and fiance. I had been drinking and it turned my mood towards a very bad direction. I told her to F* off and I was tired of her crap. I did apologize over text this morning due to swearing at her, but I couldn't take it anymore. I have been nice all this time and I blew up! My behavior was definitely uncalled for, but I was treated very rudely. Not sure where this is going now but she has not spoken to me and will be playing victim like she always does. She's never the problem and it's hard to talk to someone that thinks everyone else is out to get them. I'm done and will need to let her know that I will not be having her in my wedding any longer!
@JoolyBee: I was just wondering the same damn thing lol. Someone has to stand in line last. I thought MOH comes out last, right before FG/RB?? Idk lol
@cheetah2b: shoot I just don't know anymore...MOH is 1st, I know that much. Maybe I'll have them all sit on each other's shoulders, that way they'll just be a pillar of bridesmaids and no one has to be last in line.
@JoolyBee: ROFL that could work!
when I think back on my MOHs wedding, we had an issue with line up. I was supposed to be moh, my XH was Bm. when she asked her brother to be a groomsman he got nasty and said only if she made his wife MOH, or he wouldnt even bring his family to the wedding! well, me and my X didn't get along with them. they use(d) drugs, sucked the bride and MOB for money. my X refused to walk with MOH and I refused to walk with thev GM. luckily groom agreed, and decision was made guys would all just get up there, we girls walked out individually. after ceremony, we walked out with our SO. bride did this, to have some way of showing I was the actual MOH. aside from trying on her dress SIL did absolutely nothing. couldn't be bothered to come to shower despite me offering to pay her way to make bride and brides family happy.
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Seriously, who the hell came up with bridesmaids lmao! I have four and three of them are awesome! I just have one that is giving me severe hell. Haven't spoken in months. than she needs to get reminded about my bridal shower from the maid of honor (She's over 40 is not like she's 20 for fuck sakes), she cried about standing last in line during the ceremony, and every input has been negative. Now I have to have 2 different bachelorette parties because she doesn't get along with a couple of my other bridesmaids. My wedding is exactly 60 days away and I'm tired of this crap! I just want to tell everyone to put up or shut the hell up!!! This is about my fiance and I not who is standing where or how they can't get along! Theres alot more to this story but I really don't need to write a novel. Bridesmaid should feel honored to be in a wedding not bitch and complain. I'm far from a bridezilla just an FYI!!!! Advice please.
Thank you!