Tired of "friends" having an opinion about how we spend on our wedding

posted 3 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@lstyle25:  The 100% fix to this? Stop sharing. Stop telling. Just say, “Oh FI booked it” or “My parents are taking care of that so I really don’t know.” It’s rude for them to inquire unless they are forking over the dough.

If all else fails, tell them you don’t appreciate the questions. When they are getting married, you’ll be happy to share what you learned. Until then, you are still learning!

Nosy people are the worst…

Post # 4
Member
6507 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Stop telling them how much everything costs. Then they won’t be able to comment on how expensive it is.

Post # 5
Member
2055 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@lstyle25: I understand. Don’t give them any more bait. Don’t discuss $$ details with them. If/when they ask, say you’re working on those details and quickly change the subject. It is truly none of their business. If they persist, express that you’d rather not discuss it. If they persist again, set a rule: Ok, I’ll tell you, but I don’t want to hear anything about how you’d spend the money differently, or choose a different vendor, or anything. You have to promise me you will listen and only offer happiness and advice if asked. Deal? I see no reason why you can’t set up a boundary like this if it is bothering you that you are stepped on each time the subject comes up.

 

Post # 6
Member
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@lstyle25:  that is seriously annoying. As uncomfortable as it may be, I will likely reply to those inquiries with “we decided not to discuss the budget with anyone”. Really- ain’t nobody’s business!

Post # 8
Member
496 posts
Helper bee

I am not even engaged and started getting questions about what I was speculating on doing. Seriously?! You just have to stop telling them anything or come up with good answers that don’t really answer the question like: Not too muhc, we’re happy with the price. Why do you ask? Are you planning a wedding?

People can be so nosy. I wish everyone just learned to stay in their lanes!

Post # 9
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Why are you sharing how much you’re spending? I feel like how much someone spends on their wedding is really personaly, it’s usually such a large amount of money. And if parent’s have contributed, I woiuldn’t want people who know my parents how much they gave me for my wedding. I let it slip ONCE to my aunt when I was making a sarcastic comment, and I hope she’s forgotten!

Post # 10
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MexiPino:  Yeah. I like your thinking. Short. Sweet. Objective. They can’t argue much with that line!

Post # 12
Member
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

This was happening to me a bit and I have just stopped sharing. I’m surprised when that still doesn’t stop some people. A friend of FI’s asked where are wedding was…so we told her…she looked at him with pity and said “Ouch, that’s gotta cost you a pretty penny”…then preceded to tell us how her friend thought our city was so outrageously expensive she had the wedding 5 hours away in a different county because even factoring in transportation etc…it still cost less. She went on and on about how her friend saved so much. Well that’s great for her but I want our wedding to be in the city where we live. I’m not spending a huge fortune on it. It just really rubbed me the wrong way that she went on and on about how bad she felt for him when I was right there. This was at a party she hosted for a big group of FI’s friends from college.

A few other female friends of his or often his friend’s wives also seem to ask me why I wanted such a long engagement (1 year)? They all go on and on about how they “just wanted to get married” and what’s wrong with me that I can stand to wait sooo long?! I just smile and tell them that I wanted a year plan and we’re happy with our decision.

Post # 13
Member
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

@LilRhodyGem:  I agree.  Stop telling them how much you’re spending.  If they start to speculate, be straightforward and tell them it’s none of their business and you’d appreciate it if they back off.  Planning a wedding is stressful enough without having to deal with unsupportive people like this.

Post # 15
Member
496 posts
Helper bee

@lstyle25:  

“i just needed to rant lols.. 2 more months till the big dayyy.. can’t wait to not hear those unsolicited advice anymoreeee..”

Sadly, it will probably continue with whatever is next, babies, house, car, vacations or whatever. People always want to be so darn helpful

Post # 16
Member
849 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@lstyle25:  Totally feel where you are coming from. I have the same problem only opposite. My one friend winges we shuld get the best most expensive of everything… erm we are pulling teeth to pay for this wedding as it stands. She insists her father will pay for her wedding as has speculated a lavish sum…great for her, but I don’t have a daddy to pay for my wedding.

It gets me down when people involve themselves with my money matters.

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