Post # 1
FI was with his ex wife for 10 years. That’s a long time and a lot of places he went with her, they traveled a lot.
Every time I suggest we go somewhere or do something it’s somewhere they already went together or did. I feel like we should be doing new stuff together and seeing new things as a couple to build our own memories. I’m not talking restaurants or stuff like that, I’m talking bigger things like countries and activities.
It’s really bothering me 🙁 We’re not taking a honeymoon till next year sometime, I made a couple of suggestions. Of course he’d already been. I come up with a couple of new ideas and no he hasn’t been but he doesn’t want to go. He makes one suggestion of somewhere to go (costa rica) and while I do want to someday go, it’s not where I want to spend my honeymoon.
I feel like a second fiddle I guess, i haven’t traveled much and to him it’s all old news. He has ten years of memories and places, all I want is to start new ones in new places. This is why I’m up at 4 AM 🙁
Post # 3
I’m sorry you are having this problem 🙁
What kinds of places are you interested in going to? FI has lived in Seoul his whole life, but I’ve only been here 4 years. We sometimes do ‘touristy’ stuff that he hasn’t done since he was a child. It’s cool because he gets to relive his childhood again and experience things in a totally different way. Other times we find bizarre little out of the way places (we like to go to pilgrimage places for instance), and we also have places we visit on a yearly basis to kind of build a ‘history’ with that place. Maybe you need to either a) find some place where both of you can be happy and he has never been or b) revisit a place he HAS been … maybe 10 years ago when it was probably very different, and then start to build your own history with that place.
As to the honeymoon…do you want to go to a different country? Or a place within the States? If it’s the later, there’s so many smaller places other than big cities that are really cool that he has probably never been to. FI and I went on a wine tour in the Niagara region this year and it was fabulous. Being from near Niagara Falls, I’ve been there a billion times, but it was a totally different experience with him, and we did lots of activities I didn’t do when I was younger. Now when I look back at our trip to Canada, that’s probably my fav part of the trip.
Post # 4
have you to thought about going to some of the same countries, but different towns/resorts? i know i have been to vegas 8 times, each time is different because you stay at different places with different people. you build memories because of who you are with not where you go….
and whos not to say you can erase some of the older memories *wink* lol
Post # 5
I dated a divorced man, so I understand how hard it is to never feel like you get to do things for the first time with him. But the thing is that his past is never going to go away, and you need to think about whether or not the wonderful qualities that he has can outweigh the differences in life experiences.
I’ve visited Costa Rica, and you can laze about on a beach (this is highly recommended for the start of your honeymoon, since you will be exhausted) and then visit the ecological wonders of Monteverde. It is a wonderful honeymoon destination, but I wouldn’t want you to pick it if you will spend the entire vacation being sad because it wan’t what you wanted. Could you tell us a bit more about what type of honeymoon you were looking for, and perhaps we can make suggestions.
Post # 6
I feel you! my boyfriend and his ex met traveling in a student ambasador program. they traveled to austrailia and the UK together when i have never been out of the USA. it makes me feel inferior to her even though him and i have been together longer. i guess i just dont give the little things weve done together enough credit. we dont have the money now to go to any fancy places anyway(his parents payed for those trips). sigh. I’m slightly jealous. i can’t let it get me down though because we will have our whole life together to make memories, who knows where we’ll go in the future or what will come up!
Post # 7
Is it that he doesn’t want to go to the places he’s been with his ex-wife or that you don’t want to go because he went there with her?
Just because he has gone somewhere with his ex doesn’t mean that you guys can’t go together and have an entirely different experience. You can always stay somewhere different and do different activities. Some places in the world are worth visiting more than once! Also, realistically one can’t see EVERYTHING there is to see on one visit anyway. I’ve been to Paris three times and there’s still loads that I haven’t seen or done.
If you can’t come up with a honeymoon destination that you both agree on then what about taking a cruise, so you’re not really stuck in one place?
Post # 8
Im sorry 🙁 Id definitely say to talk to him about how you are feeling – he might not even realize that he is hurting your feelings by not wanting to go somewhere he has already been. When we were coming up with honeymoon locations, I suggested Austrailia even though I had already been there. DH was the one to say he didnt want to go there because I already had and he wanted us to both go some place neither of us had been to before. Maybe its just the honeymoon, that he wants a place that will be special to you both and not bring up other memories. Maybe after the honeymoon he will want to go to a place he has already been.
Post # 9
Have said this stuff to him?