Tired of waiting! – my WHOLE story.

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I just wanted to comment and let you know you aren’t alone!!! I’m in the same boat, working and in grad school, but I’m not graduating until 2015 (and I’m refusing to wait that long til marriage…no way!) It’s so hard to not see other’s happiness and want the same for yourself. (Although im not in the “wanna pop out some kiddos” stage yet lol). Hang in there and keep communicating with your BF about where you guys are at. I finally had to ask (again) to clarify if he still wants to do it (because I was nervously overthinking that my over hinting was making him feel pressured), but he said I wasn’t making him feel pressured and he will indeed ask, he just won’t say when, because it’s supposed to be a surprise of course LOL. ARGH…. all I can say, is I feel ya girl!

 

Post # 4
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

First… ((( HUGS ))) cause I can hear your frustration / pain.

Question…

At what point have you decided that YOU WILL STOP WAITING ??

 

I mean seriously you say he’s had the ring since last year (about 18 months)

You have a house and pets… and an established life.

IF what you did was sooo horrible (as you feel it was) trust me NONE OF THAT WOULD BE HAPPENING

He would have walked away, or thrown you out.

At this point in time he is stalling

Stalling because:

(a) He is quite comfortable and doesn’t see any reason to change anything **

or

(b) OR he sadly doesn’t want to marry you

The time has come for you to figure out which one IMO

As all the great Relationship Advice Books say about how men think… there comes a time, when every woman has to realize it is HER who sets the pace of the relationship…

You want to be a Married Lady… then it is you that has to put that out there… and either he man’s up (or he doesn’t).  Either way you’ll know

You have to stop grovellling to his level… he needs to be aspiring to yours !!

** ONLY YOU can change up the current situation.  You need to sit him down and give him your current LIFE PLAN as you see it (same one you’ve revealed here)

Then you need to listen to his reply…

And his actions…

If you don’t have a Proposal by January 1, 2014… and wanting a Wedding in 2014, I’d be packing on January 2nd.

Either way… 11 weeks from now you’ll have your answer.

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 5
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@This Time Round:  +1, exactly this. I don’t see school as a valid excuse. There will always be something going on in your life whether it is being busy with kids, a career, a family illness, etc. There is no “perfect moment” and it reeks of an excuse to me.

Men propose when they want to. If they don’t propose, there is a reason for that. I would get to the bottom of it and then decide I wanted the relationship. I would give myself the upper position rather than a submissive “waiting for the man to decide my future” route.

Post # 6
Member
1468 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I have never believed in the whole “waiting” thing.  Getting married is a huge, huge life event and change.  It’s something that both parties should be included in the planning.  If you are ready to get married then you need to tell him.  You also need to discuss your individual timelines and see if they match up.  It will take both of you to make this successful.  Waiting on him to ask is ridiculous.  Never live your life by someone else’s timeline…it’s unfair.

Post # 7
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Would you cityhall it and get it done tomorrow if he proposed today? 

My SO and I got engaged dec 2012 and went and eloped june of this year without telling anyone. We couldn’t wait any longer, I didn’t have a wedding dress, a wedding, anything, but none of that mattered. We didn’t have jobs, or graduated it was our very last quarter at university. We were moving out the very next day as well. You have a house, furry animals, and a lot of things me and my SO still don’t but we are legally married now. I’m wondering what it is that is holding him back from marrying you? Does he want to give you the wedding of your dreams? Is simply being married enough? If you are sick of waiting tell him to just go with you to city hall.

Post # 9
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@bananarama:  You are not alone!  I just finished undergrad myself (I’m 30 and have been working Full Time and putting myself through school, so it took longer), and Mr Vb is in graduate school and working to finish up so we can (hopefully) move forward with our lives together.  The part that spoke to me most is this:

– Throughout our entire time together, his sister has gotten married and had two babies and lives this seemingly perfect life. It is so difficult to feel like we have to live up to that and it often makes me feel jealous and sad that I don’t have those things, yet.

Totally feel your pain.  It’s one thing to feel a twinge of jealousy when it’s your friends, but when it’s family/someone close to home it’s hard to curb the feelings of jealousy.  I’ve got another post up right now about it.  I’m sorry that you are having a hard time.

At least your man has bought a ring, and he is waiting for the right time.  Keep your head up bee!!  Just keep working on your relationship and try not to compare yourself to other people (and yeah, seeing how much I’m STRUGGLING with this myself, easier said than done), and if you have to talk about it, do it on this blog!  We are here for you!

Post # 12
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

@bananarama:  My SO is also a rational engineer in grad school. I’m the impatient and emotional one too. He also graduates in December and I graduate in May and finish up my last requirement in August. We’ve been together for four years. Trust me when I say: I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND!! I have no words of advice because I am also struggling with waiting and tired of school standing in the way of our formal commitment. It’s rough. I see plenty of other friends in grad school getting engaged, so why not us? We live together, have joint finances and a dog…getting married won’t really change much on paper, so I’m assumming he is simply comfortable with our arrangement and doesn’t see engagement as an urgent issue like I do. He wants to get married eventually, but I think he still sees it as a far-off, ‘abstract’ issue left for when he feels more grown-up. My SO also likes the surprise aspect, but when I press him on an actual timeline he mentions “After your graduation in May but before you go off to do fieldwork in August.” We’ve been talking about marriage for nearly the entirety of our relationship, so I’ll believe it when I see it! 

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