- 3 years ago
- Wedding: August 2015
My boyfriend is driving me nuts. We’ve been together for 3.5 years, bought a house together (so obviously live together), and basically have lived together for the last 2.5 years (had our own places but the other was always over wherever we were). We’ve met eachother’s parents and the parents have met eachother but he is still just my bf.
I am sick to death of the word boyfriend. I’m sick of waiting for the proposal!
Everyone calls him my husband when we go out and do things or call me his wife and he never corrects them which is even more frustrating Because if he would correct them then I could know he isn’t ready. But he says nothing.
Before we bought our house, I explained to him that I didn’t want to live with someone who I wasn’t engaged to. For me, I really needed to have that promise of progressing in the relationship instead of playing house forever. He said he understood but that buying a house was a big investment and he wouldn’t have any money left over. I certainly understand that, especially when he had to put down the bulk of our down payment because I was still broke from school. So, I didn’t push it and just let things happen as we went along.
My bf is insanely cheap. He is always complaining about money (even when he has loads saved), he is 32 and has been working for over a decade. I am 4 years younger and took a different route, I did a bunch of degrees and wracked up a ton of student loans, so being constantly poor is nothing new to me. But he isnt used to it. We certainly aren’t poor anymore. I got an amazing job which pays me very well, so we are in good shape, and I can even make some progress on those rotten loans. I haven’t brought it up with him, but I wonder if it bugs him that I make quite a bit more than him.
Anyway, all our friends and siblings are getting married and engaged (most younger than us) and I casually brought up to him that I was wondering when we were finally going to take that step. It bothers me I even brought it up because normally I am so not THAT girl, yet here I am. His response was “I have no money” then “we own a house, it’s not like I’m going anywhere”.
In my crazier moments, I reign myself back in and remind myself that he does love me or he wouldn’t have bought a house with me, that is a big commitment on its own and I love him and am grateful to him for that. But, as I said, I don’t want to play house. I want him to be my husband.
I get angry though when he claims he has no money but he buys plenty of collectibles (vintage toys), he spent over 2200 on one a couple tears ago. He has dozens and dozens of these things in our basement so he says he has no money, he has no money for a ring but he sure does for toys. I will give him credit, since we bought the house, he hasn’t bought anything too expensive (nothing over 100). I would never ask him to sell his toys, I don’t think that’s fair, but I wish he’d decide on his own that I’m more important than toys and sell some of them so he could go get a ring. But he doesn’t. I don’t even think it has crossed his mind.
He started a new job too but had to live off his savings for a few months while I paid all the bills and such with my income, so I believe him that maybe he’s a bit tight on cash, and I know I should be more patient. I’m doing everything I can not to nag him, not to constantly bring it up to him or complain about it, but honestly it’s driving me absolutely insane and I don’t know what to so.
I feel like I’m stuck in limbo. He wants to plan a trip this Christmas to the same place we went our first Christmas together, which is fine, I think it will be fun. But I’m worried he will spend any accumulated cash on the trip and won’t get a ring. I don’t want to get my hopes up that he will propose during this trip because I’m pretty sure he won’t. The car rental will be too expensive, or something, and he’ll have no money, yet again. Plus I really think I will be devastated if he doesn’t propose on this trip so I am trying to set myself up to expect nothing from him.
I feel like I’m about to go all Exorcist on him, my head spinning around and steam coming out my ears. I have coped with way far more difficult things than this, but it is actually making me crazy and I don’t know what to do.