TMI ALERT — Married Bees with a higher sex drive: do you masturbate alone?

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I totally understand! I have a very high drive (like every day … and then some!) and his is once a week.  We currently live together.  I had to sit him down and have an honest talk about this because it was starting to become an issue when he moved in with me.  He said that he always wants to be the one to satisfy me and -while he will never say ‘No’- doesn’t want me masturbating.  We talked about other ways to ‘satisfy’ me that don’t involve sexual intercourse. 

Our rule now is that if I need it more than once a week, and he truly isn’t physiologically into it, then I have to be honest with him.  I will say something such as, “Honey, I know you’re not in the mood, but if we aren’t intimate tonight then I’m breaking out BOF (battery operated fiance).”  About half the time when we start making-out he physiologically gets in-the-mood, the other half of the time we do other things so that I get what I need.  We still have issues sometimes, but they are becoming less and less (over the past 4 months we have been living together).  I have even found that he is putting so much into pleasing me that my drive is slowing down a bit because I am being satisfied when we are together.  I have only needed to masturbate twice since he moved in, both times I told him, both times he was ill (once the flu and the second a diabetic issue) and it had been more than a week.

All of this said… at some point you might want to (as a couple) talk to his doctor to see if anything can be done to help with his Drive.  In my situation, FI has clinical depression and the current medication he is on has a huge impact on his Drive. We have to wait until his new insurance kicks in so we can get it changed to one that has less of an  impact.  In the meantime, his previous Dr prescribed some “magic pills” which have helped physiologically so that we can have intercourse even if his Drive isn’t up to par.  We don’t need them every time, but they’re nice to have around. …. In situations like this, in my experience, it takes both people working at improving the situation for things to get better and for intimacy to remain strong.

**Hugs**

 

Post # 4
Member
575 posts
Busy bee

@anonybee726:  yes i do! and yes it feels weird and feels like i should be doing it with him… oh well

 

Post # 5
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@anonybee726:  I’m pretty shameless. I have literally played with myself while DH was in bed WITH ME, but asleep!

I felt a little guilty… For like five minutes.

But he can’t keep up with my sex drive, and I have to “handle it” somehow!

Post # 6
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@BrandNewBride:  ahahahaha I do that too!

My sex drive fluctuates, his is fairly stable, but both quite high and usually it works out really well. But sometimes our schedules or whatever don’t line up, or I am having one of those constantly horny days, or I just want some fun times with myself and my fantasies. I’m pretty sure he’s the same in terms of enjoying some alone time sometimes- I hope he is actually. (Him “pooping” for an hour with his laptop for company is a big tip off lol) 

The gist of it is, it doesn’t interfere with our sex life, it complements it, and probably makes it healthier because we’re not relying on the other person for all our pleasure, so it’s less pressure. 

Post # 7
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@hedgehogcatcher:  

1- I am SO GLAD I am not the only one!

2- “(Him “pooping” for an hour with his laptop for company is a big tip off lol)” is HILARIOUS. Seriously HILARIOUS.

Post # 8
Member
3268 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@anonybee726:  There is no reason to feel weird about masturbating in his and your house when he is not there. It probably will not make you less interested in sex with him, right? As long as you do have that alone time, I think you may use it in whatever way you wish!

I live with my SO, and we don’t share masturbating with one another– we talk about it, know we each do it and are cool with that, but have no interest in sharing it with each other. Kind of like you, it sounds like. So I will take care of that in the shower by myself, or in bed when he is in the shower and shaving (and doing who knows what else 😉 ), or I will go in the bathroom and turn on the fan as if I am using the toilet. I prefer to keep it private. . . it sounds to me like you also prefer it to be private. So I would suggest these stealth methods to you. 🙂 

Oh, and I am another person “guilty” of taking care of myself in bed with him– while he is asleep! Or at least I think he was asleep. . . whatever, I’m not so concerned with it being private that I would be hugely bothered if he woke up and found me out.

Post # 9
Member
616 posts
Busy bee

@BrandNewBride:  

@hedgehogcatcher:  I do that too! One of the first times I did it when he was sleeping, as soon as I was done he turned over and asked if I had a good time. I literally jumped into the air and out of bed I was so startled! Now he just watches me fml. 

Post # 10
Member
975 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@princesslettuce14:  haha… sorry but that made me laugh out loud :).  I can just imagine!

If I didn’t take care of myself I’d explode (or at least get cranky).  I’ll take care of myself wherever and whenever at home, and if he’s home, awake, and wants to play great.  I’ve got a vibrator in the bathroom (though I usually use it in the living room) so if he’s asleep I don’t have to worry about him waking up if I go in the bedroom to get the one in the nightstand.  Even when we were dating I’d “rub one out” in his living room while he was playing in the kitchen (we’re pretty much reversed for stereotypes on cooking/sex/emotionalness lol).  He doesn’t care, and I know he does it too sometimes… totally natural.  You live there, it’s the best place to do it!

Post # 11
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@anonybee726:  Not married but will be in a few weeks (and lived together for a few years) and yes. And that will not change. FH does it too sometimes.

@BrandNewBride:  Been there, done that. I even told him later… he was fine with it and admitted to doing the same thing at times when he knew I had a big day and wouldn’t want to be woken. (Frankly I appreciate it!)

Post # 12
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@BrandNewBride:  +1.

He’s ok with once a week and I need it everyday, and would happily receive it multiple times a day. We don’t talk about it, but he knows I do it. I don’t think he realizes how often I do (almost every day), but that’s ok! I have needs too!

Post # 13
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@princesslettuce14:  That’s really funny. my SO is always telling me to touch myself while he’s gone so he can get turned on thinking about it. lol

 

Post # 13
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

anonybee726 :  I told him I have a high sex drive so he better watch out. He then proceed to make me his wife haha. This thing is normal. Sit him down and talk and make sure he knows how hot and sexy you are!

Post # 14
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

well, deployment has left me with no other choice at the moment.

When he is home,  i will start but usually cant take him not joining in, so i wake him up. Or if hes at work still, yeah. No shame here. Although I do like to let him know I’m thinking of him with a text or pic

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