Post # 1
Disclaimer: I have a regular account but I don’t want anything personal like this to be linked back to me.
Ladies I need your help.
I’ve never been with ANYONE except my SO. Never even touched before then (only kissing). So he had to teach me everything.
And so I hate being on top because I find I’m always trying to focus on doing it right (rythm, pacing, up and down and forward and backward slightly) ugh.
He’s been getting frustrated with me lately and says I need to be more experienced and complains that I research everything else but won’t look stuff up for how to be better at this.
Bees, I’ve never used porn and have NO idea how to find it. Would it help me? I’m at a loss. He’s frustrated that he has to teach me and that’s kind of hard to do when it’s heat of the moment.
Do you bees have any suggestions? I feel so inexperienced and I just never know what to do.
Post # 3
a.) I think it’s harder to NOT find porn on the internet than it is to purposefully find it!
b.) I think the biggest key issue is to relax…there’s no “right or wrong” and there’s no instruction manual on how to do it best. There are books, though, that give you ideas, and I would certinaly seek those out rather than porn. Porn is NOT real sex and not what real sex generally looks like. Yes, it’s intercourse, but it’s designed for the camara.
c.) good luck. Also, again, relax. RELAX! When I’m on top, I dont’ worry about rhythm…I focus on what feels good for me, and it tends to trickle down to him.
Post # 4
I don’t think porn would really help. He has to be patient because every person likes things differently and you have to learn how your guy likes it. And, because he should love you and not be getting frustrated and investing time in helping you figure it out is only beneficial for him. To that end, I understand if he feels like you’re not putting in the effort he is, so maybe that’s the issue, too (telling you to research it, etc).
I think Women’s Health, Men’s Health and Cosmopolitan are good resources. Start looking up tips on those sites or subscribing to their magazines or apps. They give tips on all sorts of different positions and the like.
Hopefully some bees here can help, but I think the “up and down” motion is what works. You want to work your way up and down the shaft and it means using your thigh muscles to help move. It’s not really backward/forward or grinding, because that won’t make him go in and out of you in that position, just side to side.
And if girl on top isn’t working, why doesn’t he choose a different position?
Post # 5
@missrobots: All of this, plus, ask for his input. Ask what HE likes from you while you’re on top. Chances are it’ll be awesome for you as well, and knowing he enjoys it is an added extra.
Post # 6
I’ve never been with anyone except my FH either and he never gets frustrated with me. Have you two had a calm conversation about this outside the heat of the moment? He needs to tell you what he likes, doesn’t like, what he expects, etc. There has to be an open line of communication between you.
It’s not very difficult for him to teach you how to do things in the heat of the moment, by using his hands to “guide” you or his words to explain things. It can really be pretty sexy. Again, communication is critical. It seems to me like that’s the problem here and not that you’re inexperienced at sex.
Post # 7
Thanks guys. I think my biggest issue is relaxation.
And I definitely know what he likes but it’s hard to get into a rhythm or anything where it feels good for me.
Mostly I need manual stimulation so the actual penetration doesn’t do it for me (it has, but on RARE occasions).
Is it normal that it doesn’t necessarily feel good or bad? Like I can feel him IN me but it doesn’t feel good or bad.
I’m going to be getting some lube to see if it helps with some other issues we’ve been having where it hurts me and I just, in general, wish I was more experienced and relaxed?
ETA: the frustration is mostly a combination of a few issues – one I talked about where it hurts me (I’m a TINY girl and I think lube might help) as well as him trying to move me, me not understanding and trying to do it and it’s just flustering and I think he gets frustrated because we stop a lot or I don’t get off.
Post # 8
When FI and I have sex, I move, girate at my own rythm of what feels good for ME, especially when i”m on top. He enjoys thoroughly to watch me enjoying him, if that makes sense. Maybe try not trying to have him enjoy it and you do what feels good for you? ..I reread what I wrote and realize it kind of sounds goofy, but hopefully you get what I’m trying to say? I know it kind of sounds selfish but it seems that you may be trying too hard and he can sense that, just let go and enjoy! If you’re comfortable watching porn to get an idea of what may be helpful then go for it, just take into account that those women are paid to look like they are enjoying themselves and may not actually be enjoying it, just faking. Porn is fantasy, not necessarily reality and should only be used as a loose guideline of what to do. Maybe even have him watch porn with you and have him point out some things he wants to try? hope some of this helps, i do know some porn sights that may be helpful and have never given my phone or computer viruses and completely free, PM me if you would like those links. Again, only go the porn route if it’s truly something you want to try and your SO is okay with, or may want to join in with. Fair warning, some porn sights have some crazy sh*t on them so be prepared to see some things you never even thought of! 🙂
Post # 9
If you’re having a hard time keeping rhythm, why not try having him put his hands on your hips and guide you into the rhythm he likes. DH does that with me on occasion and I have found it really helps me not be so self-conscious when I’m on top.
And if you’re on top and facing him, it should be EASY for him to provide you with some manual stimulation to either your breasts or your clitoris. Tell him you want that!
Post # 10
@Mrs.KMM: He said that that is hard because he has to bend his hand funny?
I don’t know. I know what works best for us is the spooning position but I wish we could spice it up and do other things.
Post # 11
You guys should pre heat the oven first. Not for 5 minutes but, total make out & fooling around for a good 15 minutes. Switch positions more often. Stop in between switching positions & have some more fun for 5 minutes or so before going back to sex. The best way to relax (for me) is with him on top so I can open my legs as wide as possible & literally just relax everything down there.
Something else they may help is let him do you doggy style (not talking anal) & rub your self with your fingers while he does it. That can really help you reach the big O, to help you feel good, since you say you are not.
Post # 12
I’ve tried relaxing using alcohol but it makes me too sleepy haha!
I honestly don’t know. I kind of worry about what he’s doing and he watches me and I don’t know, I think I think too much during!!
Post # 13
@upsetbeee: only about half of women can reach orgasm threw penetration, so that is not uncommon. Other than his hand have you thought about using a vibrator inbetween you? They have some very small powerful ones that are made for the female on top position.
Post # 14
Read this: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0060834390/ref=oh_details_o04_s00_i00
And this: http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Tips-Straight-Women-Gay/dp/0060392320/ref=tmm_hrd_title_0
Though I also think you should be masturbating so you’ll be more comfortable with your own body. I’m not sure porn will help you necessarily (it may be overwhelming, to be honest), but maybe seek out some good erotica — which will also help you get more comfortable with sex in general.
Post # 15
@tksjewelry: We’ve tried the we-vibe but he didn’t like it. As for a vibrator alone, I’ve never used one but I didn’t like the vibe when it was used solely as a vibrator
@Neetch: It’s not that I’m not comfortable in my body (maybe a little bit – I think I have tuberous breasts that I want to correct with augmentation) but more that I guess I just feel like he knows best and I should just let him take charge, and that I guess I feel a little intimidated?
Post # 16
@upsetbeee: What you are experiencing (lack of stimulation during penetration) is perfectly normal. Think about it this way: if the vagina were full of nerves, childbirth would hurt even more than it already does. The clitoris is how women usually orgasm, and it’s not located in a place that sees a lot of action in typical penetration.
I don’t recommend porn because it tends to be male-centric and convey the idea that women are constantly orgasming from penetration alone.