Post # 1
I’m going anonymous for this question. (And if this topic has been done already, I am sorry–please feel free to link me to the thread:))
I want to know how you deal with faking “O”s with your husband/SO. And if you do, did you tell your husband or do/did you just keep quiet about it?
I am in a pickle because when we first began getting intimate, I made it a point to try and enjoy everything my SO was doing to me, when it actually didn’t really do anything for me. Now, he thinks I get off by him certain things when they are just “whatever”–but I feel too silly to tell him the truth so I just keep faking it. So actually, the only “O”s I’ve experienced have been caused by my me (alone) when I’m not with him. AHHH. TROUBLE!!
I do want him to know, but at the same time I really don’t want to hurt his feelings/embarrass him, because I know he really enjoys doing those things to me. I know, I know, I got myself into this mess…
But what are your suggestions for someone like me?
Has anyone been through something like this?
Post # 3
@poppygirl16: Stop faking it! It does neither of you any good. Tell him what you actually enjoy, for heavens sake!
And you possibly need an option for those who don’t fake it.
Post # 4
I have NEVER faked an orgasm. If I am going to have sex, I’m getting something out of it, too
Why don’t you tell him what gets you off? Actually, why don’t you show him?? Whatever works when you’re alone, will work even better with him. If using a vibrator for direct clitoral stimulation does it, then introduce that into your love making.
Telling him won’t embarass him if you doing gently. Don’t tell him what he’s doing wrong, show and tell him what to do instead.
Post # 5
Ugh! why did it post twice? sorry
Post # 6
I personally don’t fake it (there’s been times I can’t “get there”, but I just let him know & then we move on to getting him there), but, in your position, I would probably just a. stop faking it and b. tell him what you do like. I would avoid telling him you don’t like those things because that’s just awkward territory & will make him feel bad. Just steer him towards things that will work & he’ll start using those techniques when he sees your (good) reaction. Good luck!
Post # 7
I’ve never “faked” in my life. Too old to start now!
Post # 8
You need to stop faking it and tell him what you want him to do. If you just stopped faking it and didn’t say anything, it would probably be a bigger blow to his ego because he won’t understand why he can’t get you there anymore.
Post # 9
Why not try to figure out how to get there? You don’t have to tell him (and if you enjoy the things he’s doing go ahead & let him continue) just suggest some new stuff.
Post # 10
I have never faked an orgasm with my fiance, and I’ve never faked one with any of my previous partners either. I guess I just never felt the need to. Even if I don’t have one, I just say, “I don’t think I’ll be able to have one this time.” No one has ever been offended by this.
With regard to the original poster, you definitely need to stop faking it. He may be a little confused as to why you’ve never mentioned it before, but if you’re not honest with him, you may never figure out what works for you.
Post # 11
I’ve only faked like …. 6 times since we’ve been dating/having sex over the past 4.5 years.
The only reason I’ve done it is if he’s REALLY in the mood and I’m not but I feel bad. lol
I’ve told him that I’ve faked a few times if the topic of conversation comes up but it’s usually among friends and we laugh about it.
I don’t think it’s a big deal if it only happens every once in awhile, but if it’s constant, that needs to be addressed!
Post # 12
Thanks for the responses gals. Yep, i guess it would be a wise move to stop faking… I just feel so bad because he really gets into it and I don’t wanna make him feel bad. (e.g. oral does nothing for me but he really loves doing it for some reason. there are still other things he does that he thinks I like, but it’s really Too Much Information to say here lol).
I will try to focus on the positive reinforcement… so I don’t have to say “hey you know what, oral does nothing for me so can you not do it?”
I wish I hadn’t started off with the faking! I guess I just really wanted to please him…It’s been a few years so it’s hard to “undo”.
Post # 13
i never fake it with my Fiance, i just tell him if it’s just not going to happen or if there is something else we can do so it will happen. i am 100% honest with him. i think you probably need to come clean with your SO.
Post # 14
I have never in my life faked it. In My Humble Opinion, if they cannot get you off, they do not deserve to think that they can.
Post # 15
It sucks but I think you should just come clean. Do you want bad sex for the rest of your life? I bet he doesn’t want you to not enjoy sex either. He seems very eager to please you sexually, so you’ve got that going for you. start fresh. Just make sure you tell him YOU were the one who messed up by lying about it and were just trying to seem eager to please him so he doesn’t feel incompetent. It will probably hurt his ego but I think it’s best to be honest and I think you an get through it.
Post # 16
Sure, we do things to “satisfy” our SO’s…but, in order for you to improve your intimacy and double your fun, you really need to communicate with him. I’m sure he’ll LOVE the process and find it to be refreshing and a turn on when he really sees you respond to his touch, etc.! Make that your 2013 resolution!