TMI- he doesn't want sex?!!! So not like him!

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
842 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Wonderingbee01:  if this was a one off, first time occurrence- I would let it go. Don’t dwell on it or make it bigger than it is. Believe me, guys just aren’t in the mood sometimes, for whatever reason. It happens. He obviously still wanted to be intimate with you, so don’t badger him about this or make him feel weird over something that’s nothing. 

Post # 4
943 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Honestly, you should just let it go, if it’s a one time thing. From his perspective, he probably was even more turned off if you were asking him about ED afterward. If he keeps brushing you off, then I would tell him that you are concerned, and want to know what is bothering him, but if things go back to normal I would let it go.

Post # 7
724 posts
Busy bee

Sometimes you’re just not in the mood and there’s nothing to tell.

Post # 9
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Wonderingbee01:  Maybe he’s got a lot on his mind? Financial worries? Trouble with job? Family… If something is bothering him but he’s not ready to talk right now- he might not be in the mood for sex. I wouldn’t worry about it unless it happens again.

Post # 10
622 posts
Busy bee

@Wonderingbee01:  I had the exact same thing happen with my FI. He jerked off in the bathroom and I was not even aware.

Post # 12
943 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Wonderingbee01:  Haha, I totally get that you can talk about it, but when I read the original post, I had this image of you (not literally) being like “What? You don’t want sex?! Are you mad?? Can you not get it up??!!!” and bombarding him with questions about it.

I’m sure it’s something dumb. Maybe he was worried about people coming back home, or something like that.

Post # 14
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Older Bee here…

Believe or not, men can be a lot like women on this topic… sometimes they just aren’t in the mood.

OR their bodies don’t cooperate, because of their mind set.

Remember that sex happens 99% in your head, and 1% in your body, if your head ain’t into it… your body won’t be either

Sounds like he is stressing about something, or as someone else said, he’d pleasured himself eariler… OR he was being 100% honest and wanted this session to be JUST ABOUT YOU

To be honest if this is the FIRST time that he’s had an issue with being softer, or not quite as capable / into it as in the past…

Asking him if he was suffering from ED would be quite frankly, off-putting / insulting in the least.  (Sort of like asking a girl if she was STERILE if she didn’t get pregnant the first time a couple tried… “Wow is there something wrong with you… Do you think you can’t get pregnant”)

Really quite insulting if your guy is an otherwise healthy man under the age of 40 (altho I’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt and say you made your remark out of being naive, and a result of too many ads on Tv about ED)

I’d let things go, and let him initiate the next round.

Do not pressue him, and don’t bring this topic back up (I certainly wouldn’t mention it in any way… as it will only serve to remind him / reinforce the fact that he had an issue, and that you weren’t satisfied by that… and as sex is 99% in his head, guaranteed you’ll just make the situation worse.  Forget it.  When he initiates next time, more than likely things will be as they always have been.)

Hope this helps,

PS… For the record ED is an on-going condition… it isn’t just a one time OR occasional thing (all men get that, regardless of their age).  ED is not being able to have or maintain an erection to the point where you don’t / cannot have sex at all.  If someone can have an erection while asleep for example, they don’t have ED.


Post # 16
6633 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

OP I think you just need to let the subject lie, as PP said it happens sometimes men are just not in the mood just like women. It sounds like you are making a mountain out of a mole hill here. 

Leave a comment

Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors