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TMI: I need your perspective

posted 1 year ago in Intimacy
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    AnnieAAA    October 25, 2009   Dallas, TX

    I am very embaressed for posting this....This is very personal and I need your honest perspecte......to give you the back story, my husband and I both have a similar opinion on giving oral sex. When we first started dating we both vocalized the fact that we did not enjoy giving oral sex, but both enjoy receiving. We have been together for over 5 years and in these years, we have both made an effort to please each other, and engage in oral sex from time to time. To be honest, it took me a while to get comfortable receiving oral sex, because I was focused on the fact that the man I love "does not enjoy this" and I understand my husband was prob thinkng the same thing. Well it has been several years since we vocalized our dislike for the act, and both have been occasionly engaging in oral sex for the past several years and it has been great. So fast forward to today, my husband and I were becoming intimate, and as he proceeds to perform oral sex he states " I hate doing this, but I love doing it with you." I become upset, trying to explain to him how turned off I was, and how upsetting this statement was. I tried to explain that he could of left off the "i hate part" and he said I was fixating on that...and that he meant it as a compliment. He is fixated on the fact that he said nothing wrong and he meant it as a compliment. I feel like his delivery was all wrong, and he thinks he is right and that I am overreacting by being upset about his statement. So ladies, am I overreacting or being oversensative? Or would you have been upset with ur SO making this statement? Honest opinions please, I can admit when/if I am in the wrong.

     
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    Atalanta    September 3, 2011  

    @AnnieAAA:

    I agree with you.  My FI says similar things, I like never let him do it becasue I can't get over it that he dosn't like it, how could I enjoy it?

     
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    tksjewelry    June 25, 2011   Omaha

    Men don't understand that sex is emotional for us and that sometimes a slip of the tounge can totally turn us off.  Yes what he said was delivered wrong but with the correct sentiment.  When things calm down tomorrow, sit him down and explain what he said that hurt your feelings.  I am sure that once you are out of the moment, it will make sense to him.

    I do think that it is sweet that you both go out of your comfort zone to please the other.

     
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    noritake22    March 31, 2011   Seattle

    Honestly, I really don't think you are overreacting or being oversensitive. As a woman, I would have reacted exactly the same way, in your situation. However, guys process things differently, so I would beleive him that he didn't mean anything bad by it. I would just ask him to not use that wording again, and hopefully he won't. Even if he agrees though, if I were you, I would still worry about what he said. I know he meant it as a compliment, but from a woman's perspective, it definately fell short of one.

     
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    MissHoneyBun       Dallas, TX

    @AnnieAAA: You both hate giving, but you both love receiving. That's a problem. As for his comment--I'd be turned off, too! I dated a guy who didn't like going down on me. It was awful. Whenever he did I KNEW he hated it and it made me hate it. I don't think you're overreacting at all.

     
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    tootietoo2    January 2011  

    I think he honestly meant it as a compliment but the delivery was a bit off. To me this is a Mars/Venus thing. You heard, "I hate doing this, but I love doing it with you." He feels as though he said, "I love you so much that you are the only woman I would ever do this for and I love doing it with you."

    Let it go, you just forgot to put on your guy-speak decoder ring Smile

     
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    SecretBee23    March 15, 2013  

    I've had pretty much the same thing said to me before, and just took it as "guys are idiots who don't know how to say things the right way almost ever"...It sounds like he really did mean it as a compliment, just said it SOOOO wrong! Have a talk with him and clarify, but 99.9% of me is saying he meant no harm by it.

     
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    AnnieAAA    October 25, 2009   Dallas, TX

    thanks ladies! I think cooler heads will prevail, i know it didn't help that we both had a few drinks tonight :( thank you for your insight!

     
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    Mr Hedgie    July 10, 2011   Dallas/ Ft Worth TX

    It's possible you might be taking what he said the wrong way. For instance, I've had similar thoughts (I can't remember if I've ever said them out loud), where like maybe my neck and back is killing me, so I think "Ouch I am so uncomfortable right now, but I love doing this for her!"

    If I hated it so much that I didn't want to do it at all, or was way too uncomfortable, believe me, I would have stopped and explained my issue. But I love, LOVE doing whatever it takes to make her happy, because her happiness is just that important to me. Maybe she wants a foot massage and I'm dead tired. Ok, I'll massage her feet for a few minutes.

    So, what I'm trying to say here is, he might have been trying to say something sweet, like, "See, this is really uncomfortable for me, but you mean so much to me I'm doing it for YOU."

     
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    His Barista    September 4, 2010   Spokane, WA

    I would have been upset, too. DH and I have had multiple occasions where something similar has happened. You should try talking with him again tomorrow.

     
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    MissAsB    June 6, 2009   Married in CO, Living in AL

    That would hurt me as well.  Has he said why he doesn't like giving?

     
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    littlemissmango    July 7, 2012   Oahu, HI

    Eek... I made a o_O with a ={ face when I read that comment. Yikes! Horrible, horrible delivery on his part. I would have been really put/turned off and felt offended as well. @tootietoo2 is right in her translation, that's totally what he meant, but he still should understand why you would be upset with the way it came out. He's being a little INsensitive (as opposed to you being overly sensitive), if you ask me.

     
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    Koala Bear       Ontario, Canada

    I agree that he could have said it more gracefully, but it comes down to him wanting to compliment you and let you know that he enjoying doing that with you. So while I think you have a reason to be a little upset, I don't think that it means he is in the wrong.

     
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    nontraditionalmiami    December 15, 2010   Miami

    @Koala Bear:

    ^^what she said. i think his timing/wording was off, but his intentions were good.  i'd let it go.  it's not important enough to hold a grudge over. i know it's hard though, that would have changed my mood too.

    i personally don't enjoy receiving oral if i know he isn't into it. i think all men should be into it! lol i love giving it too but i absolutely cannot swallow. i wish i could, i know men love it.  oh well.  it tastes like warm snot. no thanks. i get that enough from my allergies.  

     
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    Koala Bear       Ontario, Canada

    @nontraditionalmiami: oh no, warm snot is permantly snuck in my brain now Yell

     
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    nontraditionalmiami    December 15, 2010   Miami

    haha sorry!

     
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    nickie362    August 9, 2013   Chicago, IL

    @AnnieAAA: I think that most women would be upset about it, so I don't think you're overreacting.  However, guys are SO different, and it sounds like he was saying he loves you so much, even the things he hates doing, he loves doing to YOU.  There is a compliment in there somewhere.  You have to interpret things with boys.  Let it go and enjoy the ride (no pun intended)! 

     

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