(Closed) TMI: I need your perspective

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
4774 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@AnnieAAA:

I agree with you.  My FI says similar things, I like never let him do it becasue I can’t get over it that he dosn’t like it, how could I enjoy it?

Post # 4
Member
14503 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Men don’t understand that sex is emotional for us and that sometimes a slip of the tounge can totally turn us off.  Yes what he said was delivered wrong but with the correct sentiment.  When things calm down tomorrow, sit him down and explain what he said that hurt your feelings.  I am sure that once you are out of the moment, it will make sense to him.

I do think that it is sweet that you both go out of your comfort zone to please the other.

Post # 5
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

Honestly, I really don’t think you are overreacting or being oversensitive. As a woman, I would have reacted exactly the same way, in your situation. However, guys process things differently, so I would beleive him that he didn’t mean anything bad by it. I would just ask him to not use that wording again, and hopefully he won’t. Even if he agrees though, if I were you, I would still worry about what he said. I know he meant it as a compliment, but from a woman’s perspective, it definately fell short of one.

Post # 6
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee

@AnnieAAA: You both hate giving, but you both love receiving. That’s a problem. As for his comment–I’d be turned off, too! I dated a guy who didn’t like going down on me. It was awful. Whenever he did I KNEW he hated it and it made me hate it. I don’t think you’re overreacting at all.

Post # 7
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think he honestly meant it as a compliment but the delivery was a bit off. To me this is a Mars/Venus thing. You heard, “I hate doing this, but I love doing it with you.” He feels as though he said, “I love you so much that you are the only woman I would ever do this for and I love doing it with you.”

Let it go, you just forgot to put on your guy-speak decoder ring Smile

Post # 8
Member
658 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I’ve had pretty much the same thing said to me before, and just took it as “guys are idiots who don’t know how to say things the right way almost ever”…It sounds like he really did mean it as a compliment, just said it SOOOO wrong! Have a talk with him and clarify, but 99.9% of me is saying he meant no harm by it.

Post # 10
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It’s possible you might be taking what he said the wrong way. For instance, I’ve had similar thoughts (I can’t remember if I’ve ever said them out loud), where like maybe my neck and back is killing me, so I think “Ouch I am so uncomfortable right now, but I love doing this for her!”

If I hated it so much that I didn’t want to do it at all, or was way too uncomfortable, believe me, I would have stopped and explained my issue. But I love, LOVE doing whatever it takes to make her happy, because her happiness is just that important to me. Maybe she wants a foot massage and I’m dead tired. Ok, I’ll massage her feet for a few minutes.

So, what I’m trying to say here is, he might have been trying to say something sweet, like, “See, this is really uncomfortable for me, but you mean so much to me I’m doing it for YOU.”

Post # 11
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would have been upset, too. DH and I have had multiple occasions where something similar has happened. You should try talking with him again tomorrow.

Post # 12
Hostess
18646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

That would hurt me as well.  Has he said why he doesn’t like giving?

Post # 13
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Eek… I made a o_O with a ={ face when I read that comment. Yikes! Horrible, horrible delivery on his part. I would have been really put/turned off and felt offended as well. @tootietoo2 is right in her translation, that’s totally what he meant, but he still should understand why you would be upset with the way it came out. He’s being a little INsensitive (as opposed to you being overly sensitive), if you ask me.

Post # 14
Member
2265 posts
Buzzing bee

I agree that he could have said it more gracefully, but it comes down to him wanting to compliment you and let you know that he enjoying doing that with you. So while I think you have a reason to be a little upset, I don’t think that it means he is in the wrong.

Post # 15
Member
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Koala Bear:

^^what she said. i think his timing/wording was off, but his intentions were good.  i’d let it go.  it’s not important enough to hold a grudge over. i know it’s hard though, that would have changed my mood too.

i personally don’t enjoy receiving oral if i know he isn’t into it. i think all men should be into it! lol i love giving it too but i absolutely cannot swallow. i wish i could, i know men love it.  oh well.  it tastes like warm snot. no thanks. i get that enough from my allergies.  

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