(Closed) To accept or not accept funding?

posted 6 years ago in Money
  • poll: What to do with the offered money?
    Accept it all : (10 votes)
    19 %
    Accept part of it : (16 votes)
    30 %
    Politely refuse for wedding and ask them to save it for future children (ie college fund) : (22 votes)
    42 %
    Other (response in comments) : (5 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4824 posts
    Honey bee

    I think if theyt want to help, let them, but let them help in specific ways. 

    As your FI suggest, let them throw the rehearsal dinner. Or maybe pay for a limo or bar etc so that they can only really give comments related to that specific item. Then expressely thank them in the program for those items. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    46155 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I agree with   @lefeymw:  let them host the RD or the bar.

    Post # 5
    Member
    5075 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2012

    never accept money that has strings attached.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3265 posts
    Sugar bee

    I wouldn’t feel comfortable taking money with strings.  I would have a frank discussion with them about what their expectations are.  Then if they tell you that there are infact strings I would kindly decline.

    If you don’t clarify their expectations and you tell them yours (eg, that this is a gift that you can do with as you see fit) there will be hurt feelings all around.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1271 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I would let them use the money to host the Rehersal Dinner.  They will get the credit for where their money is spent and have control over that particular event.  That will take some financial burden off of you and FI, without taking away from hosting your own wedding.

    Our families both told us (after I had budgeted and booked our entire wedding) that they want to give us money.  I said thank you, we will appreciate any monetary wedding gifts we receive.  I purposefully indicated that we will treat any money as a wedding gift and not as funding for the wedding because I’ve already funded the wedding myself.

    Post # 8
    Member
    14306 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I agree, how about just accept part of it for rehersal dinner.  That way you dont have to change the actual wedding invitations, but if they want recognition for contributing, they can be put on the RD invitations as the hosts.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1145 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I would not accept the money but let them be responsible for the rehersal dinner.

    That money has more strings that you may be aware of at this point.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1747 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    While I think there are strings attached to this offer, what are the detriments to having different wording than what you imagined? To me, it’s a tradeoff.

    I’m not being bought, but if someone feels like they want a say in the invite, it’s just an invite, so why not. 

    Of course they may rally against some of the other things you want, but if you’re contributing an equal amount, they don’t really have THAT much room. And if they are nice people, I would give them the benefit of the doubt.

    I would accept the money.

    Post # 12
    Member
    5075 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @shortnsunny:  Helping is one thing.  Dangling money in front of you and making you jump through hoops is another.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2894 posts
    Sugar bee

    My FMIL & FFIL graciously offered to pay for our photographer. Long story short, lots of non-negotiable strings started popping up all over the place. Right now we;ve thanked them but refused their gift. They aren’t the people who ask questions cause they want to help or are genuinely interested. They try to spin things in their direction and get in control. I’m not cool with strings. A gift with strings is not a gift in my book, it’s a bribe for control.

    I’m not saying that’s what they’re doing in your situation but if it makes you hesitant, based on their behavior, then it’s good you’re taking your time to make a decision. I also agree that having them pay for something specific as opposed to handing over a lump sum would help deter any “string” situations, if there are any. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    996 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @shortnsunny:  I would accept it, but only after I voiced my concerns–you say they’re nice people, so they probably have good intentions

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    2095 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I would say let them host the RD and pay for your honeymon. Traditional uses of their money. If they don’t like that idea then you don’t have to accept.

    The topic ‘To accept or not accept funding?’ is closed to new replies.

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