Post # 1
I love to see your dresses, and rings, and shoes, and flowers, and centerpieces… and the list goes on. I think it’s so fantastic that you’re so involved in your wedding and want to dedicate so much time and energy towards it.
However, there is a time or two I read something like “I know I already have a dress, and am at the end of my budget, but I found a dress I can’t live without…” or whatever the case may be and all I can think is ‘have you lost sight with what a wedding is about?’ and ‘don’t you know you’re going to be the only person at your wedding in a wedding dress?’ There is no need to compete with other brides.
Weddings are about you and your groom. Period.
Yes, I’m all about making your day special… in whatever way makes it special for YOU.
Some brides have unlimited (or seemingly unlimited) budgets. Some have very small budgets. It does not make and wedding more or less special than the other.
Weddings are about sharing your special day with the people in your life that mean the most to you. Not about up-lighting and gifts.
But it goes further than that… after the wedding… after the fanfare and glitz… what’s left is two people that love each other. And guess what, it’s not always easy. There will be fights and trials that every couple has to overcome… and it’s really awesome that there is a place where total strangers can come together and support each other… not bring each other down.
So, let’s remember during wedding planning and marriage and everything else what it’s all about. Two people who fell in love.
Post # 3
Just because I want a nice dress doesn’t mean I don’t love my Fiance and our wedding isn’t about us. I agree with you to a point, but I don’t agree that people posting about wanting two dresses or switching their dresses are trying to compete with other brides. They may just be confused about what they bought.
I actually don’t feel the competition vibe very much at all on Weddingbee, and I get the sense that most Bees care more about their relationship than the trappings of their weddings. I think it’s okay to care about the details of your big day; it’s not hurting anyone.
Post # 4
I really like you. You said almost everything I have been thinking for the past…well since before I got married.
Post # 5
Oh, I predict this thread will blow up. Lol I don’t feel a real competitive vibe here. If you don’t like the threads where brides are contemplating a third dress or obsessing about their rings, then don’t read them.
And I agree with your point-all the trappings and hoopla don’t really matter in the end but that’s an obvious statement. The majority of women here feel the same way but it doesn’t mean we can’t obsess over the perfect shoe at the same time.
Post # 6
@2ndtimeacharm I feel the same way, obsessing about the wedding can be fun. But there is a line that I think some women cross. Not necessarily on here, but more and more couples are spending tons of money on their wedding only to be divorced a short time later.
Post # 7
I have never sensed an ounce of competition on WB and I probably have one of the lowest budgets here. I have conversed, made friends, and shared ideas with brides whose budgets are three times mine. Just a note: negative blanket statements, even if meant to do good, are not a good idea. I would really reconsider editing this post since you have another half hour to do so…. It’s not my post but hostility is not the right seed to plant on a forum.
Post # 8
@Mrs.ChubbyBunny: I agree with you completely.. The tone here is preachy and “off” to me. Maybe that was not the intention, but it feels that way!
Post # 9
I didn’t have dress regrets but I had uplights…and flowers. And I spent a ridiculous amount of money which is why I didn’t do the ‘real wedding’ feature I thought I would do because I honestly don’t want to know how much I spent. Anyhow, my point is, yes, it is about the bride and groom and yet it is not. For many of us, it’s the biggest party we would ever throw in our lives and we really want to go all out. I’m not even opposed to folks going into debt for their weddings: if they can pay it off. Hey, I have school loans, I could have paid a huge chunk up but I have a few more years to do that. Anyhow, point is….ehn, no point at all
Post # 10
Yeah, I’ve never gotten a competitive vibe from the Bee. It’s a wedding-planning site, so people are going to talk about wedding-planning issues. I don’t think that must necessarily mean they’re making the wedding out to be bigger than the marriage. Some people do, yes, but not all. And really, isn’t it better we all come here to nitpick every decision related to shoes and uplighting and nonsense like that, rather than boring all the people in our real lives to death about it? 🙂
Post # 11
@bRooklynRocks: I agree. Its not about competition, at least not hte vibe I get here, but more about us going insane because we want one of the biggest events in our life to be memorable. I haven’t seen any (well maybe one or two but they didn’t stick around) who have completely lost what the day is about.
I admit to starting a thread where I wanted a different dress because I was having dress regrets. It had nothing to do with competing for the best dress and more about knowing I made the right choice in the most expensive dress I will ever wear (unless I become independantly wealthy and can afford 1000 dresses every other day) to the most important day (for now) of my life.
I agree with PP that negetive blanket statements like this never really go well. I know your intentions are not to put others down but it does come off that way.
Post # 12
I disagree with your comment that weddings are just about two people. I would love for this to be true, so we could just elope without hurting anyone’s feelings.
Weddings are about traditions, and family and friends, and rites of passage, and societal norms, and we are supposed to spend a lot of time planning and worrying. That’s just how things are.
Post # 13
I totally understand your post. However, since I have joined the Wedding Bee, I have never felt the need to compete against any other bride, nor have I lost site on what this day is truly about. If anything, this site has helped me stay focused on what I need to do for my wedding. Isn’t that why we are all here? To get support from people that we may not be able to get elsewhere, including our own families/friends in some people’s cases? I have received a lot of good feedback/support from people. It’s nice to share our wedding ideas and bitch about our crazy families to one another. Of course, we can get wrapped up in the planning, it’s tough for some of us because it’s one of the most important days of our lives and we wanna get it right. We want it to be memorable and beautiful.
Post # 14
Is there a particular reason that you felt the need to lecture other brides on how they get through the wedding process? I find this post to be rather condescending, IMO.
Post # 16
I don’t find it competitive it all. It’s human nature to compare our achievements with others, so if a woman changes her mind about her dress after seeing another dress on here, that’s her prerogative. It’s not about “I want to look better than HER” it seems more like, “Wow, she looks amazing in that – I bet I would look amazing, too!”
and yes, it is about 2 ppl falling in love and yada yada, and I agree that some people tend to overlook that sometimes, but family (and their expectations) are also a huge part of that. a large part of my wedding was about honoring my father.