Weddingbee boards

@everyone, thank you all for your comments!

I know many bees have mentioned it's ok to not be ok...but how does a couple deal with conflict in that matter? I'm not super religious and I myself have had my portion of porn but that was when I was single. As for my SO, I suceeded in telling him not to go to strip clubs or anything of that sort but porn is one thing he feels is none of my business because 1.it does not effect our sex life (I didn't believe him but he swears it does not) 2.it is his business how he spends his private time and 3.where he comes from it is not immoral (he's not catholic).

I could get myself obssesed with this issue and see it as a big deal if I wanted to and maybe after endless, serious and painful counseling one day I might get him to be on board but he will always feel like I forced him to give up something that he enjoys and is not wrong nor cheating (porn). So I wonder if it's worth it, and if I can try to see it as something small.

I asked my mom (strict catholic) what she would do and she asked me "how would you even know if your SO is watching porn in the first place if you don't go check or go ask? maybe it's something that's meant to be a don't-ask-don't-tell." I know many ladies that are not ok with it and I also know many that couldn't care less. I don't know how the ladies that arent ok with it can know if their SOs are watching porn or not when they are not around but the ladies that are ok with porn definitely have one less thing to worry and argue about.

I have voiced my opinions to my SO many times and he knows where I strongly stand the question is, is there anything more I can do while I hope and wait for my SO to come around and be on board with me?

@MsScarlet,

As to your last question, about how women who are not comfortable with pornography can tolerate their significant others' looking at it... I just don't think you can dictate his thoughts, feelings, and fantasies (as you yourself admitted, like "a dagger to the heart").  It sounds like your motives are driven by insecurity, not out of a broader moral stance or compassion for workers in the sex industry.  In that sense, it's a little selfish to ask your fiance to give up something that, importantly, gives him a modest degree of pleasure and satisfaction.  If this is more of an issue about you, then you need to honestly confront it and work on whatever it is that's driving this desire for control - whether it's insecurity or distrust or feelings of sexual inadequacy.  Otherwise, you might drive him away.  I know I'd be furious if someone tried to shame me for my private thoughts.