Post # 1
Well hello there everybody! Of course I couldnt resist joining your awesome hive!
So I’ll be 18 in a couple of weeks and getting married to that special someone mid or late 2013- who knows! Maybe even early 2013 I don’t have to worry about wedding money because well…thats just not how We operate Everything is going to cost around $1000 MAXIMUM! But enough about my wedding pocketbook. My real question is- how do you and your YoungGuy financially provide for yourselves while simultantously attending college? Dear MIL wants us to move in with her if it comes to that (which is a different post all on its own). However I would much rather wait to marry/move in if the possibility of us getting our own place within a short period of time is very faint on the horizon. And If I did move with them/him, It would be from the East Coast all the way to Detroit, Michigan. Which scares the wits out of a small town girl like me! I want a breakdown of how you make it work money wise (without getting to private). If want more background info on me check below 😉
[This isnt a request to try and convince me NOT to marry yet and wait or to lecture me about how miserabley hard it will be. Im quite aware of that, which is why Im trying now to a get a peek into the future based on your expierences. But your all so beautifully nonjudgmental here, I know I wont have to worry.]
- The YoungGuy is already 18
- Was BFF with YoungGuy from birth- 5th grade (til he moved to Michigan]
- Lived abroad more years then Ive lived in the States despite being a native
- Mostly homeschooled but did attend private school abroad
- Ive never worked “legally” in the states but I did babysit tons of times. I was a camp counselor abroad and always active in my schools functions.
- Youngest child of older parents and therefor…rather old myself lol
- Looking to attend college to get my B.S in Midwifery
- Quite the chaste type if you get what I mean…(Im too shy to type the real word)
- Active member in my place of worship
- Despite living abroad a lot- my New Yorker mother calls me her Southern Bell (hip hip hooray for the South!)
Oopsy forgot one little detail! I do not believe in not getting married to focus on school, career, etc. Which means I do not “date” due to my religous beliefs (which I love). So when you all suggest for me and YoungGuy to wait, keep in mind that though we might wait, we would not be “dating”. Love you guys 😉
Post # 3
I am a firm believer in not getting married until you are financially ready to support yourselves as husband and wife, without the assistance of anyone else.
At this point, I do not see what the rush is. You are both 18 years old. I would suggest focusing on school and then getting married.
Post # 4
@arsing89: I agree. With the not marrying until your financially ready. Because how much of a hubby wife can you really be if you cant even provide for yourselves. Your right about that arsing89.
Post # 5
You’re 17, dependent upon your parents, have never had a job, and have no plan on how to live on your own. This is not judgement, this is experience speaking- please wait!
Regardless of whether you are married or not, it is important to learn how to support yourself once you go to college. Research costs of apartments and utilities in the town you and your boyfriend will be living in, find a job that you can work while going to class, and map out how much it costs to support yourself for a month (food, clothes, toiletries, etc).
Post # 6
It would probably be much easier if you waited until at least one of you has graduated. Alternatively, you could do what many otherstudents do and share an apartment with a couple other students, assuming you both find a part time job. I would have prefered to have waited until I graduate next year and find a proper job over in my fiance’s country, but due to immigration restrictions and time limits we have to make our relationship legal asap.
Post # 7
It sounds like your only option would be to live with family to save money. I went to school full time, worked part time 20 hours a week, and graduated magma cum laude so it is possible. But living on my own without help from my parents would have been impossible. If you won’t wait, then living with family is probably the only way to make it work. There are some scholarships for nursing/medical field where they pay for school plus some living expenses if you sign a contract to work at a low income facility for xxx years after you graduate. You could look into scholarships.
Post # 8
I agree with the other Bees- wait! I also wanted to add a BS in midwifery is not even a degree.. Midwifes require at least a masters degree.
Post # 9
@wakyzakki: I’m just curious, how are you defining “dating” in this post? This is not to criticize your beliefs or anything, it would just help to give better advice. Does this mean if you and your FI don’t get married right now, you won’t be together at all?
Post # 10
@wakyzakki: Also, as another PP has mentioned, midwifery requires A LOT of school. My cousin started taking classes for midwifery and ended up quitting because they are really difficult. I’m not trying to discourage you from doing what you want. BUT, in the long run, juggling school + work + husband + keeping up with a household is going to be difficult.
May I ask why you feel the need to get married right now is?
Post # 11
@Britt_RN: Thats what I thought, but a B.S in Midwifery is actually a degree Not many schools offer it, but it is recognized. (Not all proper midwives have to be R.Ns to be legal)
Post # 12
@wakyzakki: I think that to get married you should be an adult and be able to support yourselves.
Marriage is a serious step and to be taken while your not even able to support yourselves makes it sound like you’re taking it lightly.
Why can’t you date? because of distance?
Post # 13
@MeelaMay: Hey sounds like we are in similar situations! where are you and your SO from?
Post # 14
@arsing89: Yeah, Im worried about schooling and managing a household, even if it is only of two.
I feel inclined to marry because as a living human being with emotions, logic, hormones, and reflections, I much rather be married than single. And I figured Id better contemplate about it now before I grow desprate and irrational lol. The dynamics of my marrige would be very differant than the typical marrige here in the States because of my religous beliefs and how they suggest things should operate. Just as some people enjoy dating v.s being single, its quite the same thing. (Not to say that they feel incomplete without a partner). My mother thinks that besides the natural reasons why I want to marry, its because Ive recently met a truck load of young married couples in my age range who happen to be doing just fine. I have to admit, she is partially right lol.
And yes, if my FI and I werent married, we would not be together. I prefer not to elaborate as Im sure it would produce some form of bias/hate amongst the responders. I understand where the opinion would be coming from, but would rather not “bait” someone into saying anything rude.
Post # 16
@arsing89: This times 1000!
OP If you can’t financially support yourself just yet, and your FI can’t financially support himself, how the heck do you plan to financially support eachother? You say you don’t believe in dating, well if you put off the wedding it’s not dating it’s a longer engagement.