Weddingbee boards

There should not be a comma after "on this day" or "together with their parents." You only use a comma with a prepositional phrase if there are two or more prepositional phrases in a row.

The part that's throwing me off is "at their marriage." I don't think of a ceremony as a marriage. Could you try swapping it for "as they wed"? I've seen it a couple times on the board and it always throws me off a bit. However, this could just be my personal preference, as I think this wording is becoming more common.

I also think if you're not including the names/last names of your parents, you need to include you and your fiance's last names. What if some guests aren't sure of one of your last names. It may seem weird, but your uncle/second cousin/parent's friend may not know your fiance's last name (or spelling).

The opening quote seems like it doesn't belong and then the way the wording is organized with the formal invitation. I don't think it sounds right to have your names interrupt the inviting of the guests, it just seems off. The quote is really sweet and cute but I just don't know if it fits. What does your invitation look like? If there is a cover, maybe you could have the quote on the front in quotes so it's separate.

How about this:

Together with their parents

the honour of your presence is requested

at the marriage of

Jessica Lynne

and

Joshua James

on Saturday, the ninth of April

Two thousand and eleven

at half past three o'clock in the afternoon

*The grammar and wording are correct because I borrowed them from a friend's invitation :) When you do formal invites, you spell out everything.

I like that you made it more of a quote and not part of the formal invitation wording. That looks and just flows better by separating them. The "and" in the "two thousand and eleven" is actually correct.

@MissOBG--Yes! I was trying to come up with another example for alternative wording, and that's exactly what I mean. I don't know, for some reason, when I read "request the honor of your presence at their marriage," I imagine someone asking people to physically be there in their business throughout the course of their marriage, you know, like for the next 50+ years!

I hope I don't offend anyone who chose this wording--I realize it's probably just my own quirkiness making me think this.:)

Perfect! Hope we weren't all too pushy for ya!

Just to clarify, both "two thousand eleven" and "two thousand and eleven" are correct. It's just American English versus British English.  I am marrying a Brit, so we are using "two thousand and eleven."

Also, if you are still up in the air in regards to the "marriage" part of the invite, you could put "at the celebration of their marriage."  Then it's referring to the ceremony of marriage rather than a lifetime of marriage.  

Everything I changed, I put in bold.  I took other bees' advice and changed everything to first person.  I think this reads better:

On this day, I will marry my best friend,  (I added a comma here)

(to conform with everything else, I changed the "T" to a "t"):

the one I will laugh with, live for, and love.  (I added a period here, to conform with what you've done everywhere else)

Together with our parents, we,

Jessica Lynne

and

 Joshua James

(to conform with what you've done elsewhere, I changed "R" to "r"):

request the honor of your presence

at our marriage

on Saturday, the ninth of April, (should be a comma here, I think)

two thousand and eleven

at half past three o’clock in the afternoon.

Hope that helps!