Post # 1
Is this ok in terms of grammer and punctuation? Something doesn’t feel right..
On this day, I will marry my best friend
The one I will laugh with, live for, and love
Together with their parents,
Request the honor of your presence
at their marriage
on Saturday, the ninth of April
two thousand and eleven
at half past three o’clock in the afternoon.
Thanks in advance, ya’ll!!
Post # 3
The thing that strikes me is that it starts off in the first person “I will marry…”, “I will laugh with…” and then it suddenly goes into the third person plural “Together with their parents.” Maybe that’s why it doesn’t feel right?
Post # 4
There should not be a comma after “on this day” or “together with their parents.” You only use a comma with a prepositional phrase if there are two or more prepositional phrases in a row.
Post # 5
I don’t think you have to have “and” between two thousand eleven.
Post # 6
Yeah that wording throws me too. The other thing is you didn’t include your last names (unless you just blurred them out for our sake). But if you’re not naming the parents, then your last names need to be there, obviously.
If that top part were in a completely different font and clearly separate from the rest of the invitation, it might work.
ETA – I disagree with the comment about the commas, I think they’re fine. If they’re not there, it’s going to read like a run-on sentence.
Post # 7
@Miss OBG: “If that top part were in a completely different font and clearly separate from the rest of the invitation, it might work.“
I agree with this!
“ETA – I disagree with the comment about the commas, I think they’re fine. If they’re not there, it’s going to read like a run-on sentence.“
Post # 8
The first two lines should be in quotation marks since it is a quote
Post # 9
I would take out the comma after parents.
Post # 11
The part that’s throwing me off is “at their marriage.” I don’t think of a ceremony as a marriage. Could you try swapping it for “as they wed”? I’ve seen it a couple times on the board and it always throws me off a bit. However, this could just be my personal preference, as I think this wording is becoming more common.
I also think if you’re not including the names/last names of your parents, you need to include you and your fiance’s last names. What if some guests aren’t sure of one of your last names. It may seem weird, but your uncle/second cousin/parent’s friend may not know your fiance’s last name (or spelling).
Post # 12
I’ve heard it’s two thousand eleven NOT two thousand and eleven.
I agree swtiching from first person to third person is odd. Perhaps if you add a period after “love” and perhaps have the first part in a different font so that it looks different than the actual ‘inviting’ part of the invitation. Does that make sense?
Post # 13
@babylou: Now that I’ve read your comment, this is throwing me a little too. What about “as they join in marriage” as another alternative, if you still want to have marriage in there?
Post # 14
The opening quote seems like it doesn’t belong and then the way the wording is organized with the formal invitation. I don’t think it sounds right to have your names interrupt the inviting of the guests, it just seems off. The quote is really sweet and cute but I just don’t know if it fits. What does your invitation look like? If there is a cover, maybe you could have the quote on the front in quotes so it’s separate.
How about this:
Together with their parents
the honour of your presence is requested
at the marriage of
on Saturday, the ninth of April
Two thousand and eleven
at half past three o’clock in the afternoon
*The grammar and wording are correct because I borrowed them from a friend’s invitation 🙂 When you do formal invites, you spell out everything.
Post # 15
Ok, I took the “and” out of two thousand eleven. Also, the very top part now looks like this:
“This day I will marry my best friend
The one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love…”
It’s the same font, but italicized and in quotations now. Think that’ll work or should I still change the wording because of the jumping from first person to third person?
I really appreciate all of the feedback!
Post # 16
I love the top quote, but if it’s not “fitting”, I can use it elsewhere. Maybe I can print it onto the back flap of the envelopes?