Post # 1
Have any of you felt like you had to ask your sister to be a maid in your wedding just because she is your sister? I have all my maids picked out and I cannot decide if my sister should be involved.
A little background-Her and I have never been super close, she is 18 and not going anywhere fast. I feel she cares about nothing, she works 2 days a week and is not going to be graduating high school any time soon. She flunked herself out of a private art school. My family and I have done everything to help her and try to lead her on the right path. Her dad, my stepdad passed a few years ago and she has been very resentful and rebellious ever since.
My mom seems to think me asking her to be in my wedding might give her a reason to care about something. I know she would be happy and excited if i asked her but i feel she would not partake in any of the bridesmaids responsibilities and after the first few days of excitement wore off she would not be involved in anything besides walking down the isle. I have never really thought of my sister being in my wedding until i recently felt like she had to just because she is my sister. I love her of course and really wish she was on a better path or at least would accept the help.
So given the information do I ask her because she is my sister even though she very well may not participate in her role or do I ask a friend who would be ecstatic and fulfill her duties to the fullest?
Post # 3
@soontobehisbride: Hmmm that’s a tough call but I agree with your mom and to give her a chance. She’s 18 so she may not fully understand the Bridesmaid duties (My 16 y/o sister sure doesn’t LOL) but at least maybe she will know that you love and care about her and want her to participate in your special day.
Post # 4
I was on the fence for a while, as well. I have a sister that is 13 years older than me and lives across the country. We speak occasionally – mostly through Facebook posts or texts. For a while when I was a teenager, we were really close but once she got into a serious relationship, we didn’t talk as much.
Anyway, when I was ten, I was the maid of honor in her wedding (she has since divorced). Now that I am planning my wedding, I do feel obligated to make her my MOH. For one thing, she assumed right off the bat that she’d be mine since I was hers. For another, she is my only sister. It will definitely be difficult because she will not be here to help me plan or decorate. It will be up to my FI’s sisters to plan my bachelorette party because again, my sister lives across the country.
So our situations are different, but I shared only because I do understand the frustration of making that decision when it may not always be the most EFFICIENT one, you know? Being in a wedding IS a huge responsibility. My opinion is that if the rest of your bridal part is eager and helpful, I think it is in good taste to include your sister. However, if there is really no one else to “pick up the slack” so to speak, a wedding can be CRAZY stressful to plan on your own.
Sorry that wasn’t a direct answer. I certainly wish you luck. But that was just my thought process. I have three to-be sister-in-laws here that will be able to help in my sister’s absence so that helped me make my decision to put her in the wedding.
Post # 5
What will it hurt for her to be a bridesmaid, even if all she does is walk down the aisle? It just might give her something to care about. On the other hand if you don’t ask her, she might be really hurt and resent you and your FH.
Post # 6
You could make her a junior brides maid of sorts. Invite her for the dress shopping, rehearsal and wedding. Let your MOH know that she will not be participating in other activies or responsibilities as she is still a high school student but you want to include her as she is family.
Best case she feels included and you have some great bonding time.
Worst case she fails to participate and you can remove her from the party tactfully and with little interuption to planning.